Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

How would you take this comment

41 replies

Justkidding55 · 04/07/2022 07:42

in a fairly new relationship with a self confessed “boob man”. My boobs are a bit of an insecurity of mine particularly the shape which he knows. My bf used to say they were perfect but night before last he made this comment-
“your boobs are the perfect size for me and the shape Almost perfect” he must have sensed me tense up and be a bit surprised and he then said “there’s no such thing as perfect”.. like to backpeddle.
im so confused how to take it. My thoughts are
a) maybe it slipped out accidentally which means that’s how he feels and maybe I could get over that?.
b) more sinisterly it’s a very very subtle attempt to undermine my confidence.

i text him this morning saying I don’t really know how to take it and essentially it upset me a bit and he said that I’m being negative and that I “always” take look for a negative in what he says but I don’t think I do at all.

OP posts:

AverageJoan · 04/07/2022 07:44

I would think that you are being a little sensitive in your reaction to what he said but it's not great that you tried to explain how you felt about it and he got defensive in that way

Cactuslove · 04/07/2022 07:45

To be honest I'd see this as a red flag. Even if he's not consciously trying to make you feel crap this might be his M.O. in terms of reducing his other half's confidence. Either way though, I want to be with someone who considers my feelings as important. You can do better. When you show someone an insecurity and they use it against you- listen to what that means.

icelollycraving · 04/07/2022 07:46

I probably would have said your dick is the perfect girth but the length, hmm, almost I suppose.

bishbashboshhhhh · 04/07/2022 07:46

Nope he’s made it your fault rather than apologise. He’s not worth your time go with your gut

Antarcticant · 04/07/2022 07:46

Hmm - could be an attempt to 'neg' you, or it could just be he is an accuracy-striver. I would be on the look out to see if there is a pattern of this kind of comment. It's a red flag, but it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me (although my saggy old boobs are so very far from 'perfect' I would never expect them to be complimented in those terms ).

Dancinginthedark01 · 04/07/2022 07:47

He didn’t have to say anything at all did he? I wouldn’t like someone assessing my breasts like that especially if he seems to talk about them a lot.

Crazyhousewife · 04/07/2022 07:48

These sly little comments can be subtle to try and get you to change your appearance, normally from a very controlling relationship. If there are any more comments I would say something but if its a one off it may not have been meant to upset you

dudsville · 04/07/2022 07:51

I agree that bodies are rarely perfect, but 1) a conversation on this topic and 2) someone telling me they're a boob man, would both be massive turn offs for me. I think this is a bad pairing, your sensitivity about this part of your body and his fixation on this part of a woman's body.

RicherThanYew · 04/07/2022 07:52

I can't think of a reason why someone who cares for you would be anything but complimentary (and bloody grateful to be around) your boobs. Probably a bit soon to LTB but keep an eye on his general attitude to see if he makes further comments like this.

Annoyedwithmyself · 04/07/2022 07:58

Did you ask him specifically for his opinion of your breasts and how they fit with his preferences? If yes and he said that then fair enough, you asked.

If no, then it's a red flag. There is no need to make less than positive comments about a partner's physicality and it's very undermining. Especially as he has made a big deal about liking tits. Which makes him very special and sets him apart from all other males.

LooksLikeADuck · 04/07/2022 08:04

He shouldn't be sexually objectifying you. You are a whole person, not a set of physical attributes.

Ducksinthebath · 04/07/2022 08:14

If I pressured my DH, an absolute stickler for accuracy, he would probably say the same. But stickler as he is, he also has manners so tends to say things are amazing, fantastic, beautiful, rather than get into absolutes like perfect and the most.

So for me that would be a massive red flag. He is either consciously negging, totally oblivious to your feelings or just plain rude.

TitInATrance · 04/07/2022 08:21

I wouldn’t expect my body or performance to be judged against some imaginary standard of perfection, and I wouldn’t think of a partner that way.

Have you told him he has his good points but he’s more judgemental and tactless than you would ideally prefer?

LoudingVoice · 04/07/2022 08:26

icelollycraving · 04/07/2022 07:46

I probably would have said your dick is the perfect girth but the length, hmm, almost I suppose.

This! How would he react to this kind of comment?

I imagine he wouldn’t take this well, but it’s exactly the same kind of thing he’s doing to you.

I find his whole declaration of being a ‘boob man’ quite off putting tbh, imagine a woman stating to a new partner she was a ‘dick woman’ and stating her preferences and judging his body, sounds icky and weird, as does this. It would put me right off him.

HerTableLaid · 04/07/2022 08:32

I would take that comment as indicating he’s a crass ‘marks out of ten for aspects of women’s appearance’ caveman and ditch him sharpish.

SmileyClare · 04/07/2022 08:33

My boobs are an insecurity of mine which he knows..he used to say they were perfect

Are you constantly asking for reassurance about your breasts? I'm surprised the topic comes up so frequently? This is a new relationship and you could ruin it if your insecurity rears it's head every time you're intimate.

It might help to realise that you don't need validation from a boyfriend to feel happy with your body.

If he's constantly reassuring you that your boobs are perfect or "near perfect" then there's too much focus on your perceived flaw, perhaps instigated by you.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/07/2022 08:34

Are you upset that he said almost perfect or that he is analysing body parts that you're insecure about? Or his reaction?

If you're upset about the almost perfect comment then yes I think you're being a bit sensitive.

However personally I'd be very upset that someone was breaking down individual parts of me and analysing them to death and then feeling it was ok to comment on them to my face...rather than seeing me as a whole person (ie loving your boobs because they're part of you rather than a pair of things that you own).

I'd also be really pissed off that if I was being straightforward and telling someone that something they had done had upset me, that instead of reflecting on it and thinking they dont want to upset you again, their first reaction was to completely blame me for 'always' taking things they say the wrong way. Big red flag and more so than the original comment itself

StrangeCondition · 04/07/2022 08:35

I'd be upset too OP, he knows your insecurity and has played on it - I'm not sure I could forgive this

SmileyClare · 04/07/2022 08:51

It depends if you asked for his opinion

This.
If you did (or often do) ask what he thinks about your boobs or make negative comments about yourself expecting him to disagree then that's your insecurity causing an issue.

He's either making objectifying, unsolicited comments about your body or you are repeatedly asking him to, thus setting him up to fail.

KittyEmK · 04/07/2022 08:58

Ooooft! Red flag! I think he knew the impact of the word 'almost' and is possibly trying to undermine your confidence. Take note of it and be aware of it in the future. Remember this is a reflection of his own insecurities and shouldn't be taken personally - he probably can't believe his luck.

TreePoser · 04/07/2022 09:16

LooksLikeADuck · 04/07/2022 08:04

He shouldn't be sexually objectifying you. You are a whole person, not a set of physical attributes.

This. I dont think id want to know if he was aboob man. Jeez.

Hyvsvaar · 04/07/2022 09:18

A compliment with a ‘but’ isn’t a compliment, it’s an underhand way of chipping at your confidence…just my opinion

maddy68 · 04/07/2022 09:29

You are way overthinking. It was a clumsy complement

DysmalRadius · 04/07/2022 09:29

What is the reasoning behind telling anyone that a body part they can't change is 'almost perfect'? What is that going to achieve other than to make them feel permanently inadequate?

Whitehorsegirl · 04/07/2022 10:14

Complete turn-off.

Describing yourself as a ''boob-man'' sounds silly and I would hate that a guy thinks he can go around judging what makes perfect breasts or not.

Do you want to be with someone who just sees you as a walking pair of tits?

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread