How would you take this comment

[Justkidding55]

in a fairly new relationship with a self confessed “boob man”. My boobs are a bit of an insecurity of mine particularly the shape which he knows. My bf used to say they were perfect but night before last he made this comment-
“your boobs are the perfect size for me and the shape Almost perfect” he must have sensed me tense up and be a bit surprised and he then said “there’s no such thing as perfect”.. like to backpeddle.
im so confused how to take it. My thoughts are
a) maybe it slipped out accidentally which means that’s how he feels and maybe I could get over that?.
b) more sinisterly it’s a very very subtle attempt to undermine my confidence.

i text him this morning saying I don’t really know how to take it and essentially it upset me a bit and he said that I’m being negative and that I “always” take look for a negative in what he says but I don’t think I do at all.

Hey 👋🏻 no I just cover them up a lot and am self self conscious at times. He wants to see them and compliment them but then he said this comment and it’s cemented my insecurity

Also just for clarification I don’t bring up my boobs just I cover them up and he’s rather I didnt which is fair enough in bed really. So the subject might come up when I prefer he doesn’t see them when im
standing up or whatever.

I only knows he’s a “boob man” from knowing him in a friend and colleague capacity first where he would comment sometimes amongst mates ect or when I notice his reactions to things (outfits, other women pre relationship, what sort of pictures he likes me to send sometimes ect) He does see me as a whole person so I wasn’t meaning to suggest he gives me scores so to speak. I just don’t understand why you’d reassure a woman her boobs are great by saying “almost”…
it’s that one word.

I wouldn't put up with anyone "rating" any part of my body tbh. Who is he to basically give you a score out of fucking 10.

The comment itself.. I'm inclined to say you're overthinking it and getting hung up on that word.

What's concerning is how he dealt with it when you told him it had upset you. He minimised your feelings and turned it back on you. You say it's a fairly new relationship, so isn't it a little early for him to be claiming you're "always" looking for the negative in what he says? It's a personal red flag of mine when people use all or nothing language like that.

I'd keep an eye on this one, in particular how he responds to you expressing your feelings in the future.

If you're just getting hung up on the use of "almost perfect" as a descriptor and don't actually mind him complimenting your appearance then I think you're being too sensitive.

Let's face it, no one is perfect and I wouldn't expect to be seen as perfect by anyone. Do you think he accepts you/ loves you as you are?

Do you think he has helped you overcome your hang up about your breasts with his attempts at reassurance or not? If you think he's deliberately encouraging your insecurity then that's a different matter entirely.

I remember reading an interview with Michelle Pfeiffer a few years ago. She talked at length about how she hated her knobbly knees and usually covered them up. All women have things about their appearance that they don't like, usually that perceived flaw is barely noticeable to others.

Don't let it ruin an otherwise good relationship. The most attractive trait in people is self confidence and being comfortable in their own skin.

If his comments about your appearance (even if well intentioned) are not welcome at all then tell him.

Don't fall into the trap of basing your self worth on other's compliments or "likes" though

Of course, us woman want nothing more than to the perfect size and shape for the man we're dating. It is our one goal in life.

Ffs the size and shape of your breasts are absolutely nothing to do with him - how dare he pass judgement like this?!

He should be bloody grateful he gets to be anywhere near them!

What an absolute dick!

I'm so angry on your behalf.

And his response to your reaction to his comment is out of line, red flag for him to put it back on you. Someone who cares will take responsibility for their words.

You deserve better, op.

If you don’t want him to see them it’s tough luck! Your update makes him sound more like a creep to be honest

Thank you everyone. This was the message I got this morning when I tried to have the conversation about it.

“This is not how you sort out issues. This is how you annoy the fuck out of someone. Sorting it would have entailed speaking about it at the time. Not stewing on it for 24 hours then making a snide comment first thing on Monday morning just before I go to work”

I basically responded i didn’t like how he was being about it and that we will always mist understand eachother unless we can talk constructively.

he then said “I’m out” so I think the relationship is over. Wasn’t meant to be clearly.
the strange thing is that with other people I don’t feel self conscious particularly so maybe that was a sign already that I wasn’t for some reason comfortable around him. he’s a nice guy mostly but if you can’t communicate then there’s no point is there.

His answer should have been "look I'm sorry, it came out wrong and I wouldn't change a thing about you". Instead you got that stroppy rant.

Best off out of it. I know its upsetting. Hope you're ok.

Wow that's a nasty response. Sorry you had to deal with that. Definitely better off without him. Please don't take anything he's said personally, it says more about him than it does you.

Also, it's perfectly valid to bring things up at a later point. I had an ex who criticized me for bringing things up at a later point rather than addressing it as it happened. The thing is I prefer to have some time to process things and plan what I want to say rather than react in the heat of the moment and potentially handle it in a way I'll regret. I think that's perfectly healthy.

What an absolute bellend. Better to find out now than later, I suppose.

FWIW I haven't heard anyone use the phrase "boob man" for about 20 years.

He sounds like a dick, it’s perfectly reasonable to consider a situation and respond afterwards.

All in all he sounds like a childish creep, you’re well off out of this OP, block him and move on.

I would stew on that and the I’ve would develop for me sadly. Next!

*ick

Sorry to hear this has ended but agree it's for the best.

You sound a sensitive person and completely unsuited to this rather brash "bit of a lad" type.

I would use this experience to reassess your own boundaries. This in particular :
I know he's a boob man knowing what comments he likes to make to his mates, his reaction to other women, and the pictures he likes me to send him

In a new relationship consider the implications of sending photos of your breasts to a man who you not only work with but also know makes sexualized comments to his colleagues and friends. Those pictures are in his possession now.

I also think it's inadvisable to get sexual with a man you don't feel comfortable around and never enjoyed being naked with.
If you don't feel comfortable, respected or listened to by a man then don't have sex with him or send naked pics, as a rule of thumb!

Take care and protect yourself. I hope things are not too awkward at work going forwards

"Self confessed boob man" giving you a detailed run down of how your breasts measure up to his standards? Ugh!!! He'll be giving you marks out of ten by next week.
Seriously this sort of thing would massively give me the ick. What gives him the right to pass judgement on your body? He doesn't own it!!