He screenshoots my email messages to him and sends them to his sisters?????

[YetanotherPGCEdropout]

Ok-Single mum here. Met an old school friend who now lives in Scotland. I'm in Wales. He wanted a "message only/no phone calls or meet ups" friendship. (I don't know why I agreed, but I did.) He was going through a divorce. So we get into a daily "make each other laugh" thing via email, until his answers began to seem..... a .... bit.... hmmm... He admitted to screenshooting my emails, sending them to his two sisters, for evaluation and help with reply comment. 🙀😬😥😥So so so so so humiliated. I stopped the friendship with him.

I'm a bit thick. Is your married friend who most likely isn't your old school mate screen shooting your nudes and showing them to people that most defo are not his sisters?

He's obviously still married but why would he be sending screenshots to his sisters? Surely he was hiding your 'friendship' so why share them round? A strange situation you only have yourself to blame OP for getting into it

I’d bet he’s not actually sending the emails to his sisters, he’s just indulging some weird fantasy he has. I mean, he’s got a perfect no recourse method going on so he can get as sick and depraved as he likes.

I’m not sure that’s fair to be honest. The man was clear with her he didn’t wish to speak to her or see her. I don’t know what she was sending him that’s got her feeling humiliated that others saw, as she starts off by saying it was just daily make each other laugh stuff. Either way it looks like she was sending him sexual stuff. I don’t see how that makes him the sick and depraved one with weird fantasies, he clearly wasn’t leading her on. He told her straight he didn’t even want to speak to her.

when a man tells you he doesn’t wish to see you or speak to you then it’s best not to pretend you’re intimate and send him stuff that would make you feel humiliated if anyone else saw.

@PutinIsAWarCriminal - me too! Says everything you need to know about them!!

Hello Swimmingpoolsally,
Some clarity might be an idea here. I don't send sexual stuff to anyone. I certainly don't send weird fantasies to anyone. And it goes beyond saying that screenshots of parts of the body are NOT a good idea . In fact, I doubt if that was legal nowadays.
We did (however) chat about former relationships in the past, and that is what I meant, when I said "intimate" subject matter.

He didn't "tell me straight he didn't even want to speak to her" - Some clarity here. His wife moved out and he didn't want to engage in a "no fault divorce" situation. There was a stalemate. As his wife had committed adultery and was living with her new lover, she was also in and out of the house, collecting information about him, to see if she could prove adultery.

My feeling is that neither of them would ever "get" a divorce, becaue she wanted "no fault" as it was to her advantage in a financial sense. He did not.

Hi Rewis - You are not a bit thick! I didn't explain clearly and many people are jumping to the conclusions that you have also reached. No, I didn't send nudes, or sexual fantasies or anything like that. I did (however) explain about past relationships and my daughter's Dad, (a mutual friend from school ) and yes, I did think that this was private stuff.
He explained private relationship stuff to me too.
So, my point was "Why would his sisters want to know about private relationship stuff?" I should have worded it better. 😆

What I meant by "ah you are right", is that there is no divorce planned. Wife has moved out, but there is a stalement situation.

Yes, it could have been "not" his sisters, but as he is very religious, he doesn't go down the pub, and his friends are part of an evangelical church where he is an elder. (Even as I describe this guy, I'm thinking..... hmmm.... not really ok sorta guy..on many levels...Hindsight is a wonderful thing)

I think you are right CrikeyPeg. They were brought up in Nepal where the family were evangelical missionaries, and perhaps are more "close knit" than most siblings, as a result. His Dad was very creepy. I remember that.

OP other posters are right there is no divorce as it doesn't matter on what grounds the divorce is being done on as assets are divided on what each party needs e.g. if there are any children who they mainly live with gets more of the joint assets.

Oh and if he's part of a religious community it is likely his "sisters" are just other women of equalish age and standing to him.

I dropped out of my PGCE and moved back to Wales to be closer to family members. He lives in Scotland. So geography was the main reason to go "message only", but I agree it is not a great situation. The content was not as exciting as people imagine! No nudes, no sex stuff etc, as he is very religious. The intimate messages were about past relationships, and the emotional journey that we had both experienced. My point was that if his sisters were so immature that they "monitered" his private life (and he invited them to do so), then they themselves were stunted in this capacity.

Thanks for the info Boots. I think the assets are split 50/50 in a no fault divorce, so the one who leaves for another lover, is happy with that. However, my old school friend was not happy with that. He had other ideas, hence the "stalemate" which might lead to no divorce at all.

Hello again Sally - Just to clarify. This is a religious guy and he wouldn't send intimate stuff to me. I'm a careful sort of a woman, so I wouldn't send nudes, or sexual fantasy stuff to him. The "intimate" side of things, means emotional intimacy, from past relationships. Private sharing of feelings and reactions. Now, if a grown woman (or two) is NOT involved in that conversation, why on earth would she be interested? The sisters are at fault. They should have said, "this is personal stuff.... so.... stop sharing it with me"

Ah ok that makes sense. I don’t think the sisters are at fault, it’s not their job to protect your privacy, clearly whatever you were sending him he wanted advice on. He is their brother and They went with meeting his needs, not yours. If it was private and he knew it was private then it’s him at fault, not them.

I hear what you are saying, but personally I would be uncomfortable if I was asked to be a third party in that way. I think the sisters lack integrity and I think he lacks moral absolutism, despite his religiosity. Thank you for the points made, however.

I’m sorry I disagree and I really dislike it when a man’s behavuour becomes the woman’s fault and responsibility. That’s wrong on every level.

The brother asked something of them, they complied. They are not to blame, it’s you and this man who are fully responsible here. You were sending some random you basically don’t know and who didn’t even want to speak to you private stuff. That’s on you. It’s not the sisters jobs to police you both. You are adults.

The sisters aren't at fault. They don't have any kind of relationship with you. They don't owe you anything. Their involvement was with their brother. He asked them for advice/guidance, they gave it. It was him who betrayed you.

Not my only takeaway, but OP has had plenty of advice with the (weird) situation. I could parrot that but I wouldn't be adding anything new to the discussion.