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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He keeps me on the back burner..

75 replies

Kitkatkrunchy · 03/07/2022 14:07

Feel so fed up.

The man I am seeing just wants to keep me on the back burner. I feel like he only wants to see me when he wants to. If I ask it’s always a no and an excuse until he decides otherwise. He expects me to always be there when he wants me. Sometimes he will message me at 10pm to come round.

He blows hot and cold and I never know where I stand with him. I’ve told him a few times that we should stop seeing each other as I don’t think he is interested and he always says something to convince me to carry on seeing him but then we are back to square one. What should I do?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 03/07/2022 17:30

What do you mean by 'that will be the neighbours
I think the insinuation is that he has other women texting him but he says to op that itll be his neighbours..so as not to raise any suspicion he is talking to other women and he can avoid taking out his phone in front of op.

JenniferPlantain · 03/07/2022 17:32

Kitkatkrunchy · 03/07/2022 17:09

I am finding it hard because I am very passive but it’s constantly putting me on edge and making me anxious waiting to see if he has text me or wether or not he will want to see me

You can be non-confrontational but strong. Just block him. Anxiety gone. He will know why as you’ve discussed it. Don’t be some idiot’s spunk dumpster.

Original poster
Kitkatkrunchy · 03/07/2022 17:35

@springbreak22 he is good friends with his next door neighbours and he apparently speaks to them on WhatsApp so he says it will be them when he gets a message on there

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitkatkrunchy · 03/07/2022 17:37

He tells me not to over think and that he is only seeing me. He also says he’s not an 18 year old anymore who is only after sex but his actions definitely say other wise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitkatkrunchy · 03/07/2022 17:38

When I’m sat next to him and he’s just scrolling down Facebook for example he will have the phone showing but he turns it so I can’t see it when he opens and starts typing onWhatsApp for example

OP posts:
bloodyunicorns · 03/07/2022 18:03

Woman up! You're the only one who can change this. Dump him. Or tell him what you won't put up with. You're showing him that he can get away with treating you like this, so that's what he's doing...

CornishTiger · 03/07/2022 18:08

He’s messaging other women not the neighbours!

thenewduchessoflapland · 03/07/2022 18:22

Sounds as though you are one of a few on his booty call list.

RampantIvy · 03/07/2022 18:49

I am finding it hard because I am very passive

Stop it then. Why are you allowing it?
Stop being such a wet lettuce and dump him.

He will never make you feel good about yourself. He uses you because you let him. Get some self respect, give your head a wobble and dump him.

If you read back through this thread you will see that everyone has advised you to get rid, so do it NOW, and block.

Justcallmebebes · 03/07/2022 19:16

Any man is in no way better than no man. You seriously need to raise your bar

Mouk · 03/07/2022 19:52

Reading your post sounded like me last year. I wasted 12 months with a guy exactly like the guy you are 'seeing'.

End it. I wish I had much earlier than I did.

You deserve better.

Youdoyoutoday · 03/07/2022 19:54

Realise your worth, put yourself on the front burner!

Original poster
Kitkatkrunchy · 03/07/2022 20:05

Thank you everyone.

I will end it. I feel like I’m not valued at all. I’m sat here wondering why I am not good enough or what I may have said or done wrong

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitkatkrunchy · 03/07/2022 20:05

It’s constant anxiety wondering why I’m not worth more than this to him when I put a lot of effort into him and he doesn’t give it back

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitkatkrunchy · 03/07/2022 20:09

My self esteem has been destroyed, what I had left of it and my anxiety is at an all time high. I thought I’d be stronger than this but it really has affected me

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 03/07/2022 20:17

Give yourself a check list. And give yourself a pat on the back for achieving each thing.

  1. Message you have had enough and don’t want to see him anymore.
  2. Don’t wait for a reply.
  3. Immediately block him on everything
  4. If he comes round or finds a way to contact you say “I don’t want to talk about it, it’s over. (Nothing else, just repeat that)
  5. Look at yourself in the mirror every day and tell yourself you’re worth so much more.
Mally100 · 03/07/2022 20:21

Justcallmebebes · 03/07/2022 14:22

You have full autonomy of your actions. Walk away, block him and please raise your bar. You deserve better

No one is forcing you. You are 100% responsible for the choice you are making of chasing after him. You deserve better.

Popsicle33 · 03/07/2022 20:22

Switch the gas off!

MatildaTheCat · 03/07/2022 20:33

As soon as you block him and mean it you will feel better. One text saying you’re done and a digital block is all that’s between you feeling crap and feeling that you are in control and don’t appreciate being treated like shit.

Then take a little time to reflect and regain your self esteem. Get some help maybe?

best wishes.

RampantIvy · 03/07/2022 20:34

Stop posting on here, and just block him. He doesn't even deserve closure IMO.

DrManhattan · 03/07/2022 20:37

Grow up and get rid

Misstes · 03/07/2022 20:45

You get anxious wondering if he going to message? The. Block him and you know he can’t message you. Give yourself a chance to meet someone who will really care for you instead.

Bunty55 · 03/07/2022 23:48

OP You are good enough. You just picked the wrong man is all. The longer you stick with him waiting for a few crumbs, the more you will feel like you need him.

Do you need a boil on the end of your nose?

NO

He is that boil

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/07/2022 23:51

You should stop seeing him. And block him.

”he always says something” is a rubbish excuse but he can’t say something if you block him.

Carlycat · 04/07/2022 00:14

It's bloody obvious. Get some self respect and ditch him.

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