Why don't men ask questions?

[skinnylov]

Speaking to a guy on Facebook (I know him in real life) and he's got good conversation but only talking about himself. Doesn't ask me any questions at all, ever. Maybe a 'how are you' but nothing after that.

I find it very bizarre as he seems keen to continue the conversation.

I've had this loads of times in online dating. You find yourself asking all the questions, just hoping they might show some sort of interest or conversation skills!! I now mirror their effort and if the conversation is All about them, I tell them so and leave the chat.
But as others have pointed out, it's not All men, and I've had a few male friends finding the same thing (ie women do the same thing!)

Because many men think they’re far more interesting than they actually are.

The decent men in my life ask a lot of questions. Raise your standards.

Obviously NAMALT and all that but there’s definitely some truth in this.

I think women are socialised from a young age to believe that men’s lives, opinions and interests take priority over those of women. And they quickly learn that a lot of men prefer women who do not volunteer too many opinions.

Women (generally) therefore learn a fundamental truth about human interaction; that being a good listener and asking questions gets you a long way.

Men on the other hand are brought up to believe that their personalities and interests are an important currency so they get used to expressing them. They also rarely encounter this sort of pushback from society. No boy is ever taught that “nice” boys don’t talk too much or anything.

And the world of work massively amplifies this by foregrounding these traits. Pushy, opinionated extroverted people tend to get promoted much more quickly and paid more. And women who are happy to voice opinions at work are often characterised as “difficult”, “bossy” or lacking in soft skills.

Essentially society doesn’t provide much incentive for men to become interested in women, their views and activities.

Men who are genuinely interested in what women have to say - as opposed to pretending to be during the seduction phase - are vanishingly rare.

I've come across this, its laziness and entitlement, they are so wonderful they don't need to make any effort to keep the conversation going or be reciprocal. If it starts going that way just ghost, its so boring.

Quite a few of the men I know are men who don’t ask questions. Instead they tell anecdotes or offer information, and others in the conversation tell stories in response. Questions are mostly for clarification: “was that before you moved to Wales?” Or “was she the aunt who had the Great Dane?”

So I don’t mind a lack of questions. A lack of interest would bother me though.

Why?

This is really well written and interesting. I agree.

Eh?
i find PEOPLE in general like this. Most of them bore me tbh. Never noticed it with men in particular

I second this. Absolutely spot on from @Thepeopleversuswork

I knew lots of men like this at university. The thing I noticed is that they were like this with everyone, not just women. There was a guy I dated for a bit and when I went round his house the conversations they had were basically them taking it in turns to say their opinion on a topic. There was never any question and answer just a series of statements (or jokes). Sometimes it made sense, sometimes not as they weren't always listening to each other properly, just waiting for the speaker to finish so they could cut in. I rarely said anything in their company as it just didn't make sense to me as a conversation.

I think women are taught our opinions aren't important so often we respond well to another person asking a question. That way we know they are interested. With these men at uni there was no sense their opinion might not be of interest, so they just said it.

2 of my bils are like this as well. After 20 years I doubt they could say anything much about me, what my job or interests are etc

Anyone who only talks about themselves is not someone who has good conversation.

I have a question for everyone that has a partner.

My husband absolutely hates me asking him if he could possibly consult me whenever he wants to make plans with others, I think this is the norm for couples For example, I had mentioned to him that I wanted to invite my family over ours and I mentioned the time and day to him (as usual - he didn’t pay much attention) Aafter a few hours he gets in contact with my family and arranges a totally different time - just like that! I then confront him and say why can’t you ask first? what if I have plans? What if I can’t make it at the time? etc etc and I receive only negative words like I’m the only women on earth that is so difficult and he says that he wants to divorce and leave me as I’m so complicated!

Now, please tell me if this is normal? 🤪😩

Many people of all sexes are just interested in themselves . I have a few friends both male and female who never have the slightest interest in whats going on in my life it's all about them .

What culture did you grow up in Kokapetl? And is your username from the Mysterious Cities of Gold?!