How would you feel about this - is it a threat from MIL?

[Plmoknijb123]

If you MIL said her daughter and son have 'noticed' that you don't talk to her. Is this a threat?

Background is, my MIL can be very unpleasant so I avoid interacting with her and don't seek lengthy dialogue because it makes me feel awful.

I don’t think it’s a threat although it’s hard to tell without more info.

Threat of what? Sounds more like a truthful observation.

It's not a threat no, she's not threatening anything. It's an observation.

Where's the threat element?

A threat would be suggesting she would do something horrible to you. Instead shes said other people have noticed you don't speak to her which you've admitted you don't. It's a statement not a threat.

How is that a threat?

It's probably her way of telling you how she feels, rather than the daughter and son.

The threat being an insinuation that they have noticed and will retaliate because I am 'harming' their mum. So they will stop being friends with me because I am not close to their mum.

harming/ignoring/excluding I mean

The sentiment was 'you think you can get away with this but you can't'.

No that's still not a threat.

From your original post, not a threat.

From your second post, you’ve extrapolated a lot from the one sentence. I can’t see how that can be interpreted as harming her, or that the son and daughter plan to retaliate. At a push, I guess you could conclude she’s hurt by the lack of closeness.

Maybe it’s their way of saying ‘is everything okay’:and ‘can you make more of an effort?”.

No you're reading in to it.

Well, is it that you aren't close to their mum, or that you aren't particularly pleasant to their mum?

To be honest, if someone I knew wasn't very nice/pleasant to my mum, I might not be that keen to be their friend either.

It's not a threat, it's an observation. The fact that it has made you feel worried suggests that deep down you know you haven't been pleasant to their mum.

Unless they - not the MIL - have spoken to you about not speaking to their mother you are seeing things that aren't there.

Just ignore the comment and be polite. The important thing is you must be polite at all times even when any of them are rude to you. Yep that means your rebuttals have to be polite.

It is your husband's job to deal with his family if you cannot stand them.

No, unless there's something you've missed out you're making a lot out of nothing. You admitted you don't really speak to her which she said other people have noticed.

No. She's letting you know you're rude and other people are also aware. That's not a threat, it sounds like it's a statement of fact.

It isn't a threat. She's making it clear she knows you avoid interacting with her, but that's ok. You both know where you stand.

If she's unpleasant, carry on keeping your distance. Sounds reasonable to me.

How do you know what their "sentiment" was? I wonder if you're looking for drama.

Well it’s a truthful observation, isn’t it?

What do you want to do about it?

Does your DH notice that his mother is horrible to you?

Maybe laugh and say ‘haha, and DH has noticed that you are often rude to me’.

Are you friendly with your BIL /SIL? Don’t they notice how horrible she is?

It depends how it was said I suppose.

You can't say what they were implying, you can only say what you inferred. Since the words themselves are a simple observation then it must be the tone or body language that made them feel threatening?
Fists balled up, gritted teeth, that sort of thing?

She's saying that she's noticed and the proof of that is that her dcs have noticed too. Not a threat but she's obviously not pleased.

It's an observation, not a threat. Don't overthink it.

I have previously said to her why I avoid contact, because she puts me down all the time and makes really nasty comments about me and my family. It's not that I started out avoiding her, it's a protection mechanism after years of unpleasantness. As I've gotten older I just no longer allow people to treat me in a mean way, and after I've asked them to stop a few times, if it continues then I distance. Regardless of the consequences.

I am probably reading more into the one specific comment because of the history.

No it’s not a threat it’s just an observation or opinion that you either agree or disagree with.

Your past will definitely be clouding your judgement as you know she probably means something else.