How would you feel about this - is it a threat from MIL?

[Plmoknijb123]

If you MIL said her daughter and son have 'noticed' that you don't talk to her. Is this a threat?

Background is, my MIL can be very unpleasant so I avoid interacting with her and don't seek lengthy dialogue because it makes me feel awful.

An obvious question - where's your DH in all this, and what's his take on it?

It doesn't read like a threat. But I guess if they are a 21st century incarnation of the Krays, it might be.

In fairness, if they’re a gangster family it could be a threat.

It's really not a threat, even with added context.

Well done op
You have put in healthy boundaries
Sounds like she's trying to manipulate you some how.
But I'm sure her son and daughter know her well enough.
But if not don't put some healthy boundaries in with them

**PUT in some healthy boundaries...!

"It's not that I started out avoiding her, it's a protection mechanism after years of unpleasantness. As I've gotten older I just no longer allow people to treat me in a mean way, and after I've asked them to stop a few times, if it continues then I distance. Regardless of the consequences."

Well done OP you have made your choice not to put up with shit. You explained to her. She's now manipulating you, or trying to.

I see how her comment was meant (I think), other people have noticed so she wants you to pay her attention. But you don't need to.

Where is your husband in all this?

Oh jeeze. I had a MIL like this.
They like to be pandered to and visibly worshipped.
Not my way of doing things. I was polite and thoughtful but not fawning. Therefore they hated me.
Meh.
Both PILs gone now.

How often does your DH phone his PILs for a chat?

You felt threatened?

What are you going to do?

I am confused. What are you asking for exactly? Spoken with your partner?

I would take it as a pretty loaded comment. It's basically saying 'other people agree with me that you are in the wrong.'

The only answer to something designed to put you on the defensive is a vague 'oh really?'

Husband is of the view that I am doing the right thing. His view is also to try and ignore the mean comments and set boundaries.

If her daughter and son are so easily swayed by their mum then they’re not worth being friends with surely?

You’re giving these people too much headspace.

If they become like her, then distance yourself as you do with their mum.

What does your princely H say about their treatment of you?

Definitely not a threat it's an observation

Just follow your husband's advice.

You clearly don't like her due to her previous behaviour.

Keep to your boundaries and if she crosses them , refer to your husband and let him deal with her .

It's good that she's noticed. Maybe she will take the hint and leave you alone. Don't over think it.

That rather makes it sound as though he has his 'views' but does three-fifths of five-eighths of sweet FA to support you in any constructive way. Is he happy for you to take the flak so that it doesn't come his way?

I have a parent who uses "my daughter noticed", "even my son said that" etc etc. I think it's like a mechanism to say what she wants to say but absolve all responsibility if the comment backfires with the person she's saying it to. "Don't shoot the messenger, they said it not me" etc