Very thin walls

[Cactuses3580]

Hi all, need your advice.

I recently bought a semi-detached house and live alone and I had a couple of friends over late at night for a couple of drinks but we didn't get hammered. We were only talking and they knocked the door at 2am to say they could hear us talking at 2am in the morning. The walls are really thin with no sound proofing. We didn't have music on or TV on or anything like that, we were playing a board game.

I've heard them in the day speaking but as they're a bit old and retired they go to bed early about 9-10pm.

It's annoying as I bought a house and want to be able to have friends over at night but I also don't want to be inconsiderate.

Am I being unreasonable by ignoring them or should I learn to be more considerate?

Your poor elderly neighbours! You don't sound very considerate, or that you care very much.

@rahjama well it annoys me as I worked hard to save for this place.

YANBU. I say this as somone who lived in a terrace house with walls that thin for over 16 years.

You have to accept that noise is going to happen and just live with it with a bit of give and take.

I could hear a sneeze. At the point walls are that thin, you just have to shrug, get on with life while being reasonably considerate. But what you did is fine, they're going to have to adjust a bit if a quiet mouse lived next door before.

If they can hear you at 2am and you’re disturbing them, then you should stop. As others say, finish your evenings at 11pm or else buy a detached house.

If you're actually just talking, at a normal volume, in your own house, it shouldn't matter what time it is!

"buy a detached house" - actual LOL.

Please, it's not like she's doing this every night! That would be inconsiderate.

There has to be give and take. I can almost guarantee with walls that thin, there will be plenty of time they make noise that is inconsiderate to the OP. Like very early mornings maybe...

@theemmadilemma thank you. Yes I can hear sneezing too.

I can understand being quiet after midnight so I will be.

@FrownedUpon I think 11pm is too early, and neither me nor my neighbour can probably afford a detached house, otherwise we would have already done that...

This thread is like my family and friends, some people think it's really bad, others think that my neighbours just need to live with it etc. I think midnight is a happy comprimise.

I've heard them in early mornings and it's woken me up when having a lie in on a weekend and I've never moaned at them not once.

@Cactuses3580 Off topic really, but the neighbours had the bed against the same wall as we did (only way it worked) and then went off on holiday for 2 weeks leaving their 5am alarm set.

Can you imagine the desire to just make a hole in the wall? 😂

@theemmadilemma hahahaha that's :D D

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
Talking in your living room is not anti social behaviour or even inconsiderate. High volume music or shouting would be unacceptable.
Unfortunately, it seems like your neighbours have been spoilt with silent neighbours previously and are going to have to adapt to living with normal neighbour noise.
What if you have a baby? Get a job working nights? Living in a semi detached house means living with a certain level of neighbour noise in my opinion.

You have my sympathies OP, I live in a house like yours. Next door was occupied by an old guy when we bought the house, he moved to a care home and a family with three primary age school children moved in. Wow, did we suddenly discover that there is zilch sound proofing. I have researched sound proofing and often, semi detached houses are built with the floor joists and floor boards running horizontally though the length of the two houses so sound carries easily.

After a tense early period, we seem to have settled on agreeing without saying that their children might easily scream and shout in the garden all day and we might play jazz at 11pm! I think midnight would be my limit for sound either side though.

They recently got a dog which now gets left barking for two long mornings while 'she' is at work. After a couple of polite notices through the door, they apologised and said they would deal with it and they seem to have done so which was a pleasant surprise.

I think this situation can lead to a big need for toleration and compromise, needs differ and an older couple will have their own way of living which will probably require more silence than you. We are moving because we've just got fed up with it even though it's not a bad situation and we've never rowed or been unpleasant to each other.

I'd try and talk to them reasonably, maybe see if you can offer to help them in some way or sound reasonable but have your own boundaries in mind and stick to them. Good luck.

I'm in the position of your elderly neighbours, our adjoining neighbours have lots of social nights, it's like we're in the room with them because our walls are so thin. However I understand it's just the hazard of living in a semi detached.

Their socials are just them being slightly louder than usual but not overly loud, just chatting and low music (and the occasional drunken rendition of barbie girl!). I'd never ask them to quieten down chatting unless they were shouting at 2am and playing loud music.

However our walls are so thin I can hear them snore and hear their alarm.

If you're only talking then YANBU, however if your louder then you expect YABU.

Next time ask them to go round so you can hear it their end to see which one you are?

Unfortunately I think you probably need to save up for the soundproofing.

If you can hear their microwave and their sneezing, that’s a pretty crazy level of noise that is coming through. 2am evenings with friends aside, you don’t want to have to feel guilty if ever you have a tummy bug and are running to the toilet through the night, or if you have a baby who is up every 2 hours round the clock. Frustrating though it is to have to shell out that much money, I think it’s an important investment for your neighbours’ wellbeing and for your own.

@notsosoftanymore In my old house the flooring boards were laid that way, so when the lady next door did her jumping jacks next door, we could feel it sitting on the sofa....

Builders should be forced to build better quality homes, because people cannot live like mice simply because of lack of quality building.

I used to hear my neighbours a lot. Figured it went both ways and they could probably hear us a lot as well. So we built a stud wall 1.5 inch from the existing wall, rammed it full of sound muffling insulation, and then put acoustic plasterboards on the outside. Its gone from sounding like they are in the room with us to very quiet muffled noise. Would recommend this for good neighbourly relations.

Those are definitely some thin walls. You should be able to have friends over any time of day, and reasonable noise levels according the time of day. I wonder what the acceptable decible level is from 11 pm and whether you can measure this yourself. If it is truly that you were visiting at an acceptable noise level for that time of night then the walls need doing. How awful to have only worked this out now. I rememebr the joy of haivig my own place and having my friends over for late night gatherings. It shouldn't be the case that you have to tip toe.

If you're just talking, YANBU. It's not your fault your walls are thin, and they can't expect you to be totally silent!

It’s badly soundproofed ceilings too. The noise is rising through your ceiling across into theirs and up into their bedroom. Tbh soundproofing the party wall won’t do much about nighttime noise.

Why should OP pay for soundproofing when she claims to be making a reasonable amount of noise (normal talking no matter what time of day is reasonable in your own home) if it bothers neighbours that much they need to pay for soundproofing.

i think you should do more research into sound proofing. You can buy acoustic panels that you can install yourself. Honestly, this will be a game changer for you and your neighbours. Please don’t assume you need a contractor and that it will cost thousands.

I don't think you're being unreasonable talking at normal levels even at 2am. I wouldn't have complained about that or your daytime TV being loud. The problem appears to be soundproofing. I would speak to them about it otherwise you're all going to be living on edge and not fully enjoying your own homes.

We can hear the neighbour, or her husband, coughing constantly in an upstairs room from around 9pm (one of them always seems to have a cough). It's worse with the windows open at the moment. Though my neighbours are inconsiderate with their general noise and poor behaviour.

YABU - You chose to buy a semi detached with paper thin walls. You also know you can hear them during the day so it stands to reason that they also can you. It was very unreasonable to do this knowing full well they could here, you are then making a conscious decision that it's 5ougj luck on them if they can't sleep.

If you want to have more freedom in your house levels buy a detached.

We live in a semi with thin walls I hate to think what my next door neighbour can hear!

I think it's weird that so many think you shouldn't have friends over roast 11pm your not a teenager with a curfew as long as it's not loud music at 2am then it's fine and I'm guessing it's not very night?

How maybe friends did you have over? I think if it’s just one or two then there is no cut-off time for quietly talking. If you lived with a housemate or partner nobody would say you couldn’t talk past midnight!

If it’s a larger gathering whete there are likely to be several conversations going on at once I think it would be considerate to try and ensure friends were leaving by around midnight. But honestly if the walls are thin and all you’re doing is talking that’s really not unreasonable, it’s unfortunate if your neighbours can hear but you are entitled to quiet enjoyment of your home and I don’t think anybody could argue that talking to a friend or two doesn’t fall within this. If the neighbours really can’t cope with a normal amount of noise the onus should be on them to use earplugs or look at soundproofing.