Children on dates

[BiscoffSundae]

I’m on a single parents group on Facebook and one thing that comes up often that shocks me is how many women say they are a completely single parent with their kid 24/7 (I get it I am too) but they want to date so asking if it’s ok to bring their child ON dates?! The amount of people saying it’s fine has also shocked me and “you come as a package” etc, suggesting they meet the men at the playground or in soft play 🤦🏻 (To clarify they are strangers not people they know or have met before) So they can chat whilst the kids play, surely no one actually does this or is this desperate irl? If you are with your child 24/7 and want to date fair enough but aibu to find this really inappropriate and think that you should be paying for a babysitter not bringing your children on dates?! And what kind of man would even agree to a date where someone’s child is going to be there?

Agree with you. Extremely risky and only likely to appeal to men who have an ulterior motive (eg. paedophiles)

I can't imagine anyone (man or woman) wanting to go to a soft play centre or playground on a first date. It's ludicrous.

Oh people do suggest it! Surely only a weirdo would meet a woman in the playground with her kids for a date 😳 “bonus” if they have their own kids apparently as they can bring them along as well and the kids can play whilst they chat apparently!

Why would it be any different to striking up a conversation with a stranger in a place you both happen to hang out? The only difference is you know in advance that the stranger is single and open to seeing what happens.

I don’t think it’s right for me but can see why people would do it, seeing as babysitters can be very expensive and not everyone has the luxury of family/friends to help.

I think it depends.... meeting a dad in school playground and arranging a kids playdate seems okay to me, in getting to know each other a bit but not a "date".

But meeting someone online, and then meeting them at a kids park is different.

It does happen, though.
I matched online with a guy, a single dad. We arranged a walk , I (incorreclty) assumed it would be me and him. I arranged childcare. Turned up, and he had brought his toddler with him, It really threw off the dynamic of a "date". I've said it before on a thread but it felt like I was being interviewed for the step mother position.

This is why you get so many men who want to come to your house for a first date. They've obviously had that success previously.

Not play ground school dads, playground as in a children play park, and for fabicelolly any man that tried to chat me up whilst I’m out with my kids would be told to piss off, so I wouldn’t entertain that either yes I get no everyone can afford babysitters or has family (literally my own situation) but then that means you can’t date then unless your children tag along on every date with you, surely there is a safety thing to think about and men that target women with kids to have easy access to them!

I think it depends.... meeting a dad in school playground and arranging a kids playdate seems okay to me, in getting to know each other a bit but not a "date".

But meeting someone online, and then meeting them at a kids park is different

I agree with this really. If you start off meeting as friends by chance
and it develops that’s one thing.

But meeting someone you’ve found online like this? No way!

I agree there’s definitely a safety thing about this!

Yes the suggestion was a date on tinder to meet you in the park with your kids or soft play (can’t believe someone did that to you 😣)

And they wonde why they are single 🤣

In my opinion, it is very strange to take a child with you on a date. I don't have children but if I did, then I would never take my child/ren on a date with me! It is just not safe. The guy might have other motives as PP said. It would also make it feel as it wasn't a date at all. I don't know why, but it would change the whole dynamic of the date.

Obviously some people don’t care about safety and who they have around their children so you will basically be bringing a man into your child’s life from the get go, if you never have any child free time then how exactly will you date? This man who is a stranger will instantly be playing a role in your child’s life where they are meeting up with them regularly this is how women end up in relationships with men who are introduced to their kids straight away living with them within a few months and being called “step dad.”

Very weird!!!! I'm old-school though and don't believe children should be introduced to every Tom Dick and Harry that their parent has a fleeting romance with. Children need to be protected more.

A friend of my sister's has done this for every new relationship she's had. She has 6 kids by 6 dads and another on the way by number 7. She takes all the kids on the dates with her. How she keeps bagging the boyfriends I'll never know. She's very attractive so maybe it's that???

Anyway YANBU, it's weird and children should be the priority in my view.

I think framing it as a 'date' makes it seem a bit off, but meeting 'in person' for a coffee in the park while the kids play isn't a big deal. The kids don't need to know any more than 'this is Jack (& his children Ben & Holly if he's brought his kids)'. It's not like you need to be all over each other or anything.

then if you get on 'in person' then get the babysitters lined up & have proper dates.

it's doesn't need to be any different for the children than meeting any friend at the park.

obviously 'in public' not in your home!!

I don’t think it matters what you call it as if you take out date it’s still is it ok to arrange to meet strangers whilst I’m in the park with my kid, either way doesn’t sound great. The latest one was “want to start online dating again but have no one to watch my child, I’ve taken her on dates in the past but it was hard, I don’t want to again but would have no choice, what do others in my situation do” and lots of “just take them I always take my 2 year old we come as a package” “dates will have to accept for the next 5 years we will be meeting in the park and if they don’t like it then they are not the one for us”

I agree with if you don’t have time for a child free date you don’t have time for the relationship that follows tbh

You wouldn’t introduce you kids to a new partner for a very long time usually, if ever.

Exactly and I think a man (Or woman) would get pretty fed up if they could never have alone time with you ever

Agreed, threads on here have come to the consensus that your kids shouldn't even be meeting a new partner until you've been seeing each other for 12-18 months.

It's just too risky, how many children have died at the hands of their parent's new boy/girlfriend (almost always the former) who the parent has known for five minutes?

This is someone who you've never met before and have only ever spoken with online. They could be anyone.

If you met organically offline (say that you bumped into each other at school/brownies pick-up and hit it off) then there's less chance of them being a weirdo.

The type of man who would agree to this may be the type of man who targeted my relative for a relationship because she had 2 daughters.

He went to prison for what he did, but not for nearly long enough.

dates will have to accept for the next 5 years we will be meeting in the park and if they don’t like it then they are not the one for us

Honestly, that sounds like hell on earth. What if it's raining, the middle of winter or the other person fancies doing something a little more interesting?

Hugely inappropriate and irresponsible I agree op.

I raised dd as a single parent since she was 2, I didn't have loads of money for sitters etc so until she was at nursery and then school I didn't date.

Then I dated during the day when she was at nursery/school, lunch, coffee etc until such a point as the relationship was looking promising and then I was happy to pay for occasional sitters for eve dates.

Any decent person would not agree to a date where children are brought along!

I've had men push for me to pay for sitters or even "I'll come over when she's in bed and leave before morning" er no!

Served as an excellent filter actually as it meant I knew they weren't right for me.

On here and other forums I'm on I am shocked at the parents who do this, who introduce a new boyfriend or girlfriend to their dc early on etc and yes I am critical when it arises on posts and I make no apology for that. I think it's poor parenting and shows poor judgment as a parent.

Endless threads on here by mothers who not only introduced but moved in the boyfriend WAY too soon and then they are surprised when there are issues between their new partner and the dc

Often they are advised to move the new partner out which they are frequently very resistant to doing - even when the partner is abusive to their dc!

And of course in the news all too often kids abused and even murdered by new partners with alarming frequency!

I wish parents were more considerate of their dcs safety and emotional needs than their need to have sex! That is what it basically comes down to.

Dc should come first every time

I would imagine that more men would back away in horror than agree to the woman's kids being brought on a date.
The only ones I can think that would be happy with it are the ones with less than honourable intentions.
I don't understand why some women are so desperate for a man in their lives that they put their children in danger.