Birthday present complaint

[BeepyBoo]

Just want to run this past you to see what you think, and whether this is reasonable.
My DS went to some twins’ birthday party. To provide context…The family live near us and the twins often spend time around our house - several times a week - although I’d say their mother is more of an aquaintance (we are always friendly, but she keeps to herself a bit).
I bought the twins both a sports ball each and some shin pads each, which is more than I would usually spend on presents for a party, but we do know the twins well. Basically, 4 weeks later, the mother has sent me photographs of both of the balls, which have both ripped apart a bit. She has asked whether we have the receipt, to exchange them.
I am feeling a bit irked by this. I think it’s the photos that have bothered me. Basically I would never do this if someone bought my children presents. To save them embarrassment, I would just replace the balls myself and not mention it. The balls cost £8 each, so not cheap, but also probably more budget as balls can cost a lot.

We do not have the receipt - my husband chucked it. So, I’m thinking - should we replace them?! Am I right to feel a bit uncomfortable? It’s not a big deal but Would appreciate your thoughts, thanks.

I don't think she was rude.
she's probably thinking that the balls should have lasted longer and wants to return them or have them exchanged.
this is being practical not insulting.
day you have thrown it away and hope the shop will replace.
try not to fall out over this,it's the children that will suffer.

OP, it is DEFINITELY very rude to complain about a gift.

It's very easy to feel that she has sent you photos to prove your gifts are poor quality/cheap.

And she's asked for the receipt to find out how much you paid and where you bought the gifts from.

JUST MAYBE this is good intentions gone awry or genuine social awkwardness rather than deliberate rudeness - BUT it's still appalling manners.

FWIW we have several kids in DS's friendship groups where there are single parents/ low waged jobs/ financial hardships. NEVER in a million years would I complain that a gift he'd been given was cheap and had broken! We are grateful for the thought and that's it. I can't even contemplate doing what she's done.

You're not wrong to be annoyed OP but I also agree with PP that it's best to play it breezy and let the kids stay friends. "Didn't keep the receipt, sorry - hope that the boys enjoyed them while they lasted!" etc.

I'd be a bit 🤨 if I received that message too. I know people who with best intentions would do the same but I'd never do it. If my kids absolutely loved something they got gifted but it didn't work/got wrecked soon after, I'd probably just replace it myself... No way would I let the giver know their gift had broke/not lasted. Just feels like bad manners to me. Sorry, no advise on what to reply other than what pp have said, 'sorry, I don't but looks like they had fun while they lasted!' kind of response.

Hahahah! Gosh these threads are beyond entertaining sometimes. OP, trust your gut, you know this other lady is being not nice a bitch really, so text her to say "No receipt anymore and I don't remember where they were bought either."

Really rude. Even many of the people defending the woman feel the need to say they wouldn't do it... because even they know it's rude.

Not really - if you don't have the receipt you just say 'how annoying! Sorry I don't have the receipt'.

She’s not asked you to replace it
yes it’s awkward even if you did have receipt but if I had it I’d give it to her anyway no one’s fault the product is shoddy

It was rude. Or at least lacking any polite communication.

She could have said ‘thank you so much, boys loved their balls and have been playing with them. However, I think there is a manufacturing fault as they are coming apart a bit so if by any chance you still have the receipt I could take it up with the shop? If not, no worries of course. And thanks again: great present”

Why is that rude? If I'd bought something and it had broken in a couple of months I'd want her to take it up with the shop if she felt it hadn't been fit for purpose. Otherwise that's how shoddy goods stay on sale.

Yes this would have been a better way of asking but I still thing she's included the photos so OP could tell she wasn't just after the cash/exchange for something else.

@BeepyBoo

I'm intrigued why you've come on mums et to ask for opinions when you've already made you mind up? It feels you want (need?) validation for your response - if so - why?

If someone did this to me it wouldn't bother me and if understand especially now given how most people have been hit hard financially. Also for an item to give up after 4 weeks is crap quality (no reflection on you but a symbol for a lot of things that you buy nowadays - plus £8 is not a lot for a ball). I would completely understand wanting another as I would too!

You've mentioned the fact that you think she's inplying your cheap? Does this reflect an underlying issue within the relationship?

Standard!

I don't think she has been rude at all. A football should last more than 4 weeks and she is looking to return them to the shop. In this day and age throwing stuff away after 4 weeks isn't really acceptable.

If you/your children see each other that often, is it possible she considers you a friend? And i dont think it is unreasonable to ask a friend for the receipt in this situation. Yes its odd to just ask another school mum, but i dont think odd to ask a friend

People buy cheap tat that falls apart for birthday pressies all the time. I dont say anything but i dont replace it.

You could have got 2 decent footballs from sports direct For the money you spent on football and shin pads each. I don't think £8 is too cheap really but I guess everything is shit now.

Just ignore?

I think it's rude to let someone know that their gift was of poor quality, regardless of how you do it. Most of the time, politeness boils down to protecting other people's feelings and preventing awkwardness, and this definitely fails on that score.

I don't think she was deliberately being rude.

I'm the sort of person who is too lazy to exchange things if they're not the quality I expect. One of my best friends is the type who'd return something that went on sale days after buying at full price, then buy it again at the sale price in the same visit. If she asked me for a receipt it wouldn't be a dig at me, it's because she normally does return things for an exchange or refund.

Exactly what I thought.
Sounds sensible to me.

Being hard hit financially has a nothing to do with the recipient. Gifts are extras, you don’t know what you’re going to get and don’t HAVE to replace them.
On the other hand it’s rude to tell a gift giver that the gifts are crap. Because it might have been all they could afford, and showing the receipt could embarrass them.

Oh please the balls weren’t “faulty”. They were just probably not very well made - it’s just really unclassy and impolite to ask for the receipt in this situation. If you bought them for yourself and this happened - sure try taking them back for a refund. But to do this over a birthday present is embarrassing and rude.

as a PP has said it’s really bad manners!

Whilst she was a bit unorthodox to send you photographs, try not to feel as if your gifts were inadequate, or assume that she felt that either. I don't get the impression that this is a dig at you, even if you did feel that way.

If you remember where you bought the balls, let her know that, so that she can take the matter up with them even if you do not have the receipt. The "Didn't keep the receipt, sorry - hope that the boys enjoyed them while they lasted!" suggestion is a good line to take.

I don't think she is being rude at all!!!

When I buy something I expect it to be of a certain quality - my expectations of that quality don't vanish when I gift it to someone. If anything it's more important to me when it's a gift.

If you'd have bought the football for your child would you be happy if it was falling apart after a few weeks or would you take it back to the store and insist on an exchange or refund?

If she thought you had bought something cheap or poor quality she wouldn't have bothered asking for the receipt, surely!?!

I think she is being respectful of the money you've spent on the gifts. I'd personally be really upset if I bought a gift for someone and they didn't even care if it wasn't working or faulty. That would be far ruder to me if they didn't care I'd wasted my money.

I think your reading way too much into it.

If you had handmade the footballs yourself then I would definitely see it as an insult to your craftsmanship and that would be incredibly rude! But I think you should be angry at the store you bought them from, not her.

Also some people keep receipts.

YABU. She hasn't asked you to replace anything, she just wants to exchange a faulty gift. That's no reflection on you. The kids have clearly enjoyed playing with the balls and have had some use out of them, so that shows you gave a good gift. I know if someone gave me gift i really loved, and it broke, I'd ask them for the receipt or at least where they bought it, so I could replace it.
I probably wouldn't send pictures unless asked, but I don't think that in itself is rude.

I used to sell toys for a living. Sometimes we would have toys (big name brands) that were poorly made or didn't quite do what they were meant to. Often the manufacturers would adapt the product so it was better or simply stop making that particular toy. Sometimes a recall would be issued if there was a major problem. I remember once a recall was put out for one of those Leap Pad talking toys. It technically wasn't faulty - it was just the ones with the German voice chip (for the German speaking retailers) had been accidentally packed in the English language packaging !
The thing is unless customers inform the retailer or manufacturer changes or recalls can't be made. Crappy or dangerous products keep getting churned out and chucked away into landfill because people shrug their shoulders and say "meh" after they fall apart from a month of use.
If a product is not fit for purpose it should not be sold.
So I don't think it is rude to approach the gift giver if a gift isn't working properly or breaks easy because then the manufacturer or retailer can be contacted and informed.
Infact the amount of times toys were bought back 'faulty' and all it was the customer hadn't changed a switch from 'demo' to 'on' (Tickle Me Elmo - I'm glaring at you here) or pulled the battery activation tab out.
Sometimes in life all people need to do is talk to each other 🙄