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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My aunt wants to come on holiday with us, not sure partner would be happy with it

46 replies

Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:00

We've booked a long haul week away, really excited, never flown long haul before and it's a place we've always wanted to go to.
I've told my aunt who I'm close to and she's asked if she can come with my partner and I.
She's met my partner several times. She's not that much older than me and is very young at heart, loves travelling.
I get on well with her and we still holiday together as a family but I'm not sure how I feel about this, particularly how my partner would feel.
I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I'm not sure if she should come. She was asking on the phone if my partner and I would mind, I said no but felt like I was on the spot.
It's not until October but really don't know what to do. She's saying she won't be a gooseberry, but I feel like it may be unfair on my partner.
She said she'll look at flights but may not actually end up coming.
I don't know what to do. My partner does like her but I can't imagine he'd be very happy about this.

OP posts:
Gottoomuchgoingon · 30/06/2022 19:01

Bollocks to that. My DH would be a hard no chance. 3 is a crowd etc.

MolliciousIntent · 30/06/2022 19:02

Well you've said you wouldn't mind, so you're kinda stuck now, because there's no way to change your mind without hurting her feelings and making her think your partner doesn't like her.

Original poster
Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:02

Agree 3 is a crowd..i don't want to upset her, but don't want my partner to be unhappy either

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 30/06/2022 19:02

That sounds like a terrible idea. Pretty off to ask and put you on the spot like that!

Original poster
Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:02

I don't think we're stuck, I mean it's just talk at this point, i just need to think about it

OP posts:
Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 30/06/2022 19:03

Surely your loyalty is to your dp? Imagine if he invited his dm along?

Original poster
Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:03

If her and her husband were going together then that would be different, or even her and my cousin. I'm sure she will understand anyway

OP posts:
FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 30/06/2022 19:04

If you or your partner don't want her there you need to tell her immediately. You can't let her book a flight if you don't want her to go.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/06/2022 19:04

I would nip it in the bud now. "About the holiday, you caught me on the hop yesterday. Afraid I don't think it would work, you coming along, as we've promised to spend some romantic time, just the two of us."

CottonSock · 30/06/2022 19:04

Tell her no(way), but maybe you could do something else together

Original poster
Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:04

Yes absolutely, she said she will just chat to me about it when I see her tomorrow

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 30/06/2022 19:05

Before it goes any further, phone her and explain that after thinking about it, you'd rather it was just you and DP going. Don't blame anyone, or make excuses. And don't put it off. Do it now.

Original poster
Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:06

I'm seeing her tomorrow so I'm going to tell her. I do think she will understand. She won't just book something today, she needs to get holidays from work approved etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:06

It seems like the majority on here would not want it to happen so hopefully I am not being harsh

OP posts:
GreatCrash · 30/06/2022 19:06

I think you need to bite the bullet and say no OP. I don't think this would be fair on your DP.

tomatopsste · 30/06/2022 19:07

It's a hard no from me, she should never have asked!

Original poster
Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:07

I agree it wouldn't be. As I said if it were her and her husband or my cousin going together it would be different as they could go and do their own things as well

OP posts:
Original poster
Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:08

When I was single she used to ask if she could come to weddings with me as a plus one but it was usually a no (understandably) from the married couple

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 30/06/2022 19:08

Say no.

Brandyb · 30/06/2022 19:10

Ask DH what he thinks?

MatildaTheCat · 30/06/2022 19:10

Learn from this about being put on the spot. You need some stock phrases like,’ that sounds good but let me check before we confirm anything.’

Original poster
Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:11

I've just messaged him about it so I'll see what he says, but making it very clear that he's totally within his rights to not want it

OP posts:
Original poster
Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:12

I sort of said on the phone "I'll ask him". But she does holiday a lot with her husband and my cousin so luckily she has others to travel with and isn't lonely

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 30/06/2022 19:13

Goggle787 · 30/06/2022 19:11

I've just messaged him about it so I'll see what he says, but making it very clear that he's totally within his rights to not want it

My husband would be rightly annoyed if I put this on him to veto. Very unfair.

SenoritaNaturista · 30/06/2022 19:13

Offer to do something with her in UK, just the two of you maybe? - to soften the blow? “Why don’t you and I have a girly weekend and do some nice things in xyz?”