Do Children respect you more if you have a paid job?

[girlfriend44]

I volunteer and I heard one if the older volunteers say to a mum (that dosent work paid)but volunteers her time, that her child would respect her more if she was to get a paid Job.

Volunteer was not happy really, nor was I, but sometimes you just can't think on the spot what to say?

What do you think?

What would you answer? Do people actually need to be in a paid job to get respect weird?

How would a child even know whether you were in paid employment or just a volunteer?

They might do.

I think it depends on the age of the child. I can’t imagine primary school children care! I definitely took my own SAH mum for granted as a teenager, but now as an adult with my own kids I respect and admire all the volunteer work she did, and everything she did for us.

Depends how you bring your child up to think in a way I suppose. Respecting all people regardless of status or money is quite important. I think the person who said that was incredibly rude.

I would say older children do. I have a 15 year old DS and a younger 11 DD and my eldest I think genuinely does as he has a couple of friends where they are pretty wealthy and he has said the Mums don’t need to work they don’t do anything all day. He values my time more I think as he will say to his friends, my Mum is wfh so we can’t go to mine for now, as it is paid work he puts an importance on it. He sees that DH has to do his fair share of childcare with my youngest and that is good for him so that I can work to get my own money. That said, I was a SAHM for 8 years when they were little and they definitely valued that more as they didn’t know or care about money.

In UK culture anyone who doesn’t work isn’t worthy of respect - even the queen into her 90s was judged mainly by her work ethic.

I think other cultures take a broader approach, but we still have a global problem where unpaid female labour is undervalued and often despised.

You could argue that a sahm who volunteers is probably teaching her dc to respect all kinds of labour.

My mum was a stay at home mum and I respected her for that. It was lovely to be picked up by her after school, Walk home and play outside with my mates while she cooked the dinner. I have the utmost respect for her for that.

yes, I agree it is incredibly rude to say it out loud and actually all people should be respected. I just have a feeling that at my kids ages I would be taken for granted if I didn’t have paid work.

It depends. One of my adult kids friend Mum is amazing. She is incredibly intelligent and has a great career. We are all in awe of her but my kids say they are really glad they have me as a Mum even though I am not worthy of that a,out of respect.

I doubt many children give a toss, even at secondary school age, unless it somehow negatively affects their life. My own DM was a SAHM for the majority of my childhood but I never gave it a passing thought, it was just the norm for our family (and most around us). Looking back, we were incredibly lucky to have a mother who was always there before and after school, and I hope my children will feel the same appreciation when they grow up.

My mum was a SAHM, though it was never called that in the 70s as it was not views as unusual then and most women around us didn't work.

To any child, you are just their mum. You are not a job title to a child, you are a mum. It s the relationship you have with them that counts, not whether you work or not. That has nothing to do with it.

I am a SAHM. My kids know what paid work I used to do and they see what I have done with them over the years. They also see that my husband understands, respects and values my role and they have grown up hearing him explicitly tell people about this.

Someone made a snarky comment the other week about 'ladies who marry rich men and swan about'' (or something like that) and my eldest DS (19) in front of her, told me I should take the fact people needed to comment as a compliment.

You seriously would need to educate your child on self worth and the worth of others. That doesn't change based on their employment status.
They are doing their child a masive dis- service

It changes with how they treat people and if they are kind, thoughtful etc... you know all the important stuff that makes good character.

It’s going to be context dependent. Most kids (who are old enough to understand the concept at all), like most adults, will differentiate between a parent who isn’t in paid work because they’re, say, a carer or do 40 hours a week of charity work, and one who spends their time doing yoga and having champagne lunches.

Too many variables & every child is different.

However, the woman was very insensitive to say that to the other woman volunteeering at a charity & someone (manager, not you) should tell her so.

whether she is correct ir not is irrelevant in this situation.

Far, far more likely that other adults will respect you less despite our country being held together by volunteers. It would make sense for them to be more respected rather than less.

Children are inherently selfish and want their mothers to be available to them. In my experience they aren’t very interested in what else they do with their time unless it’s something very interesting or glamorous.

Some of the employers that I've worked for have provided us with paid days off work to volunteer.
Volunteering locally & abroad was actively encouraged by the company.
I participated & I've met some very interesting people.
We also raised money for various charities

It's about sharing & caring for the community

You will see some companies include volunteering within their advertising campaigns like banks ( I don't work for a bank)

I think it depends on the impact it has on the family. My mum volunteered so much we got the downsides of a working mum without the upsides of a stay at home parent and I absolutely hated it because she was consistently choosing to put other people ahead of me when she didn't need to. A stay at home parent who does some volunteering whilst also balancing things to support their kids when they needed would be entirely diffent.

I'm going to add that I've done lots of volunteering outside work too for lots of different causes.

I believe that volunteering is good

Why would selling one's time for money incur inherent respect?

Even when not in paid work, you can still earn loads of respect from your children. Paid work isn’t the absolute only way to set good examples to your children. A volunteer, a SAHM, a carer, a student. How are these things any less respectable than paid work? A parent who is ill or disabled might not be able to work, so do their children not have any respect for them? That woman is talking rubbish.

If my children grow up 'respecting' people who work more than people who don't then I'll have done a shitty job teaching them values whether I worked or not.

The charity shop i work from absolutely cherishes their volunteers without them we wouldnt be able to operate i dont know what most of them do outside of the shop some are retired some have health problems that preclude working full time and some have disabilities like downs or autism which by volunteering makes them a valued member of society and gives them confidence skills

My mum worked full time (in the 70s when working mums were less common) and yes, I respected her for that.

Yay! Another SAHM bashing thread

My kids literally have no clue where the money comes from it could literally fall from the sky as far as they’re concerned. They respect me as them mum a lot and as far as it goes when they meet people who report into me it blows their minds.