Do Children respect you more if you have a paid job?

[girlfriend44]

I volunteer and I heard one if the older volunteers say to a mum (that dosent work paid)but volunteers her time, that her child would respect her more if she was to get a paid Job.

Volunteer was not happy really, nor was I, but sometimes you just can't think on the spot what to say?

What do you think?

What would you answer? Do people actually need to be in a paid job to get respect weird?

Should full time nannies/cooks/cleaners/nursery workers get this respect or no?

Only if adults influence them to think a persons worth is dictated by employment status.

I think so. My kids are really proud of my work and the fact I have achieved all I have and still managed to be very involved and close to them . It sets a good example for sure. I think it’s always a good thing to be financially independent and capable of earning . It means you are more likely to be able to choose the direction of your life in the event of any difficult but not uncommon circumstances. My kids have seen other family members left high and dry and they didn’t like the imbalance of power . They are keen to be self sufficient and I hope they will be

I think it’s refreshingly NOT a SAHM bashing thread actually! It’s one of the few threads I’ve seen on MN recently where unpaid and voluntary labour is being given its due respect.

I think what matters most to kids is that they have parents who spend time with them, are interested in them, offer them a listening ear and support when times are tough and genuinely enjoy the company of their kids. This is what kids value most in parents.

Mind you, last week there was thread where a poster called parents who couldn’t work because of caring for disabled children “lazy”, so the bar is very, very low.

My DC were very aware of “where money comes from”, as I was a widowed single parent from when they were babies, and therefore had no choice but to work to support them.
Their primary classmates seemed to have a sexist hierarchy of job rankings too - when the teacher asked everyone about their parents’ jobs, and DD said I was a hospital doctor, one little boy sneered that I couldn’t possibly be as “women can only be nurses!”, with other little boys agreeing.
From memory, I think very few of the other mothers were sahms - their partners weren’t wealthy enough for their wives to have the choice to opt out of earning their own living. Most needed at least part time work to help pay the mortgage.
I think perhaps the respect thing depends on whether having a sahm is seen as the norm among the child’s peer group?

And they're off...., SAHM bashing thread number 999,000.000,000. After a surprisingly slow start, Incywincyspi, gets the ball rolling for "team WOHM."

My son respects me for how I treat him, how I love him and generally how I conduct myself around him. He wouldn't care if I was paid or if I volunteered, and those who do care about such things are usually snobs, not worthy of your time. Do not worry what other people think, I would not even give it a second thought

It depends on what the child is hearing. My DM was pretty scathing of some of the stay at home mums, all the while she was able to work full time because she didn’t have any of the responsibilities the SAHM’s had (multiple children, parents and relatives they were caring for, high needs children) and she drummed into me that so I no doubt reflected it. I now look back and see she couldn’t have worked full time without having the other SAHMs picking me up from school and taking care of me, for free, while she worked and as a parent and carer without the privileges and freedom she had I am annoyed at the hypocrisy.

No.

But if you are ashamed of it your DC will sniff out the slightest hint of this weakness and use it against you.

I think it would be extremely sad if any DC only valued their mum on what job they do and how much they earn? I'd they think this way where does it stop?
Her mum earns 50 grand, you only earn 12?

Although it does seem some mum's on here so place their own value on their job and it does come before the child

So I guess that child is raised and hears much about how important mummy is because she works?

I would think the parent of a child who has no respect for voluntary work has not done a very good job of parenting.

I work part time and do voluntary work on my days off. My primary age children understand the importance of both roles.

People have no idea how much volunteers support the community, National Trust, Citizens Advice, Foodbanks, teaching English to refugees/asylum seekers, running playgroups, Brownies, Guides, Cubs. I could go on.

I think it is a really sad reflection on our society and values if we regard someone as "better" because they do paid work rather than volunteer.

If all those volunteering stopped doing so tomorrow society would be so much worse off and, as usual, the poorest and most disadvantaged in our society would be the ones who suffer most.

Surely little ones just want their mums (or actually both parents) around. They don't care what they do when they're away from them - or whether it's paid or unpaid. I'm not saying that's necessarily what's best for them, as lots of experiences which come with working parents - good quality nursery provision, after-school club, holiday camps - can actually be very valuable for children. But I know my little DC would pick chilling at home with me over any of these, even if they enjoy them when there.

When older, I think DCs appreciate the material security that often comes from having both parents working, but it can be harmful if both parents work in stressful and long hours jobs which mean they don't really have time for their children. And if one parent is a high enough earner that the family have a good standard of living on a single income, I don't think it's necessarily wrong/a mistake to reduce stress and prioritise the family's emotional wellbeing over earning more money by one parent not working/ only working part-time.

Really good to see that this has not descended into the usual SAHM-bashing / judgemental MN thread.

My mum was a SAHM mum throughout my entire childhood and then worked part time until she died.

She's always been my hero, especially now I know how hard it is to be a SAHM.

Its bloody rude to say it, why do people say such things, cant they be lighthearted and fuuny.

Goldbar, why do you think young kids “just want their mother around”?
Mine loved spending weekdays with the nanny, who was much younger and more energetic than me, and was available to entertain and educate them all the time - she didn’t have to spend any time on boring chores or shopping!
The kids and I had quality time together on weekends and evenings, and I took them on lots of outings, but they certainly didn’t miss me as long as nanny was there.
Once school age, they loved the school holiday club which provided dozens of playmates, and fun sports and craft activities all day every day for the summer holidays.
I think it was much better for their social development than just clinging to me alone at home.

When my son was struggling to find his first job I suggested he did a volunteering job. It helped him to get some work experience which enabled him to get a paid job. The 6 months he worked as a volunteer in a charity shop he definitely knew it was work and I didn't make him feel like it wasn't just because he wasn't getting paid for it. It's made him appreciate having a job where he does get paid though! I've always had a paid job but if I worked as a volunteer he would probably have just the same respect for me as he knows how hard he had to work as a volunteer!