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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ainu to ask dd to cover up?

52 replies

bloodyunicorns · 29/06/2022 18:44

18yo dd bought a lacy bra top - which is a top, not underwear. She was about to walk into town for a night out wearing it, nothing over it.

WIBU to ask her to cover up until she gets to the pub?!

OP posts:

MrszClaus · 29/06/2022 18:46

Why, is it cold out where you are?

It's lovely and warm here where I am, she'd be fine.

TabithaTittlemouse · 29/06/2022 18:47

She’s 18.

mbosnz · 29/06/2022 18:48

I'd suggest she takes something to wear over it if it gets cold, or if she doesn't like the attention she's getting from maladjusted arseholes.

Mally100 · 29/06/2022 18:48

Yanbu if it looks like she's wearing her underwear.

Graphista · 29/06/2022 18:50

She's 18 it's none of your business what she wears! If she gets cold that's on her

Womeninblack · 29/06/2022 18:50

Could you clarify why you want her to cover up? I think too much skin is tacky and can look very vulgar. But depends on the person and how they look and what they’re wearing.
If it’s for her safety then tell her to be mindful now much she drinks and always be aware of her surroundings and to make sure she can get home safely 💐

Greensleeves · 29/06/2022 18:51

She's 18 and presumably knows what she's wearing and how she looks in it. If she's comfortable - more power to her. It's not your place to tell her to cover up.

gabagoulghost · 29/06/2022 18:56

Why? It's no one else's business what she wears.

Original poster

bloodyunicorns · 29/06/2022 18:57

Interesting responses!

Yep, it looks like she's gone out in her underwear. Given that she won't go out for a run because so many men beep at her or shout at her, I was amazed she wanted to go out like that. I want her to be safe.

We've had all the talks about not drinking too much, etc.

I KNOW she should be able to wear what she wants ... but this looks like a lace bra.

Anyway, she's gone out with a hoody so at least she has an option.

OP posts:

bellac11 · 29/06/2022 18:58

You specifically mentioned in your OP its a top, not a bra, so why are you saying she should wear something on top of it?

Original poster

bloodyunicorns · 29/06/2022 18:59

It's marketed as a top but looks like a bralet - pic attached.

OP posts:

Greensleeves · 29/06/2022 19:01

bloodyunicorns · 29/06/2022 18:57

Interesting responses!

We've had all the talks about not drinking too much, etc.

I KNOW she should be able to wear what she wants ... but this looks like a lace bra.

Anyway, she's gone out with a hoody so at least she has an option.

Well, it sounds like she's feeling a bit more confident in herself if she's usually self-conscious about being beeped at. I wouldn't want to undermine that, personally.

She's an adult - if she doesn't like the reaction she gets it will be up to her to either change her clothing choices, or put the blame where it belongs and get angry about offensive male behaviour. Either way, it's up to her now.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 29/06/2022 19:03

I've seen young women out in them before. I'm trying to think if I would have an issue with dd wearing it when she is 18 though . She's 9 now and u just can't imagine.

ChompChamp · 29/06/2022 19:05

Yes, you’d be very unreasonable to ask that.

pigsDOfly · 29/06/2022 19:06

Well that picture wasn't what I was expecting.

I have no idea what a 'bralet' is but that looks nothing like a bra to me. It looks like a summer top.

I'm sure she looks fine and will look like every other young woman in the pub on a summer evening. Although, she could be a bit chilly when it get to about 10ish.

Glitterspy · 29/06/2022 19:07

What’s she going to wear it with? Baggy jeans cool. Tiny skirt, she has to be aware of what attention that will draw. So she can prepare to deal appropriately. At 18 I’d expect she is aware?

We live in a student town and 90% of the girls wear baggy dad jeans and trainers, eye-poppingly revealing bralets, hoodies and unbrushed hair…it’s a whole look.

Original poster

bloodyunicorns · 29/06/2022 19:08

I wonder how many people responding actually have 18yo DDs!! I think replies might be different if you're talking about an abstract situation or your own dd....

Dd looks lovely in the top. It's pretty, classy, she's gorgeous. We have a good relationship and can talk about most things, I think. I just wasn't comfortable with the thought of the attention she'd get from men in that top.

I'll talk to her about it.

OP posts:

HeadNorth · 29/06/2022 19:09

You can ask, but she’ll do what she wants - she’s 18!

pigsDOfly · 29/06/2022 19:09

She shouldn't have to cover up because some men are arseholes.

Battygirll · 29/06/2022 19:10

butterflied · 29/06/2022 19:10

That's a gorgeous top and nothing like underwear. Leave her alone.

AnyFucker · 29/06/2022 19:10

There is nothing wrong with that top

LoudingVoice · 29/06/2022 19:11

I think that tops lovely, wish I was still 18 and could wear it!

I used to wear ridiculously short skirts when I was that age, my mum would roll her eyes and ask if I was wearing my best knickers 😆

Leave her be, she’s just young

Seeline · 29/06/2022 19:12

My 17 yo has a very similar top and often goes out in it. She'll take a hoody because she feels the cold, but doesn't always put it on.

Cotswoldmama · 29/06/2022 19:12

I was expecting something much smaller and skimpier. I think that's fine I'd wear it! I think you can't stop her from wearing what she likes but just tell her your concerns.

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