AIBU to be sad that I can't share meal times with dh

[OhThePossibilities]

DH has recently put himself on a very limited eating regime to help himself feel better with various ailments. This is totally self diagnosed, he's not been checked for food intolerances or allergies.

So he's gone from eating most things to a very restricted diet following the Dr Grundry approach. No gluten, dairy, lectins, etc. Although he is eating lactose free cheese every so often.

I can't cook anything for us both like I used to. All he's eating for dinner every night, is chicken, sweet potato, cauliflower and brocoli. So there are three separate meals going on, one for the dc, one for me and one for DH in that order. So we don't sit together at meal times anymore.

I understand that he wants to feel better but it's changed meal times completely. We're going out for dinner on Saturday, a very rare date night, and he's being really restrictive about where we can go.

I know lots of people will probably say, let him do his own thing but AIBU to be a bit sad that we can't share meal times?

I can understand it feels sad not to share meals but I'm not sure I understand why you can't eat different things at the same time? At the same table.

I’ve had a look (as I wasn’t familiar with Dr Grundry) and the ‘yes’ list seems fairly long. Unless you’re also on a (different) restrictive diet, there seems to be loads of meals that you could share?

Here’s the list I found, for reference: drgundry.com/dr-gundrys-print-friendly-yes-no-lists/

Why can’t you eat your different dinners together?

DH and I often eat different things but still sit down together to eat them. An extra meal for the DC might be more complicated but perhaps you can organise something a couple of times a week?

It's more because I've said to DH that I'm not cooking two separate meals as we've also got a toddler and baby. And neither toddler or baby go to sleep before 8/8.30pm. It's just too much.

Three separate meals seems crazy, why are the DC having different meals? I don't get why you can't all eat together at least.

Why can't you all eat together if you want to?

DH and I never eat together though, so I've never really understood why so many people on here find it so important.

Why do you have to eat at different times? Spend time together in the kitchen cooking your meals and then eat them at the same time. So you can eat different things but still share the meal time.

I’m veggie and my DCs aren’t. We sit down together to eat our different meals.

why can’t you eat together?

Is it short term? I wouldn’t miss eating with DP, that’s rare for me anyway, but someone being that restrictive would annoy me

Why can’t you eat different things but at the same time? Or maybe eat what he does every so often and eat together then?

I sympathise OP - we really value that time sitting and chatting while I cook for me and DH, we eat together, and DH cleans up. I agree with PP that the least your DH could do is time his cooking so that you and he sit down to eat together.

That said, these restrictive fad diets are impossible to keep up for long. He'll probably give it up in a few weeks, so perhaps just be gracious while it lasts and avoid saying "I told you so" when he realises how unsustainable it is?

You could make some lovely meals that all of you will eat with that list of foods.

Stir fry - any of the meats listed with broccoli, bamboo shoots, water chestnuts, spring onions or whatever combo of the allowed veg you enjoy

Roast - whichever of the meats you like, roasted sweet potatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, parsnips

Looks like fresh egg pasta is allowed so you could do tuna pasta bake or pasta with garlic, olive oil, pine nuts and/or whatever veg and seasonings you like on the list

Surely it’s down to him to sort his own fad diet food.

In theory yes, but meanwhile the 3 year old (who also has adhd) and the baby would have to be left to their own devices and that just wouldn't work. They're usually asleep by 8.30pm but that's too late for me to eat.

Before I would have cooked for all of us whilst DH looked after the dc and we'd all eat together. Sometimes dc will need slightly different meals. So tonight for example, dc had salmon, mash, cheese sauce and veggies, I had salmon, stir fry and noodles (I thought DH would join me with the salmon and stir fry but no, too many lectins) and DH had his usual chicken and veg.

Having health issues isn't fun you know, following a restrictive diet stops me having to take medication for mine. you seriously think I should take medication to be less 'annoying'.??

It's not unreasonable to be sad, but there are ways to still eat together at least a few days a week, if you're both willing to make it happen. Maybe he'll discover the diet doesn't make enough of a difference, but if he's feeling unwell, it's with a try. The kids won't be that young forever, so it should become easier.

Yes, heaven forbid someone's wish to not feel miserable or ill all the time should annoy someone who supposedly loves them... 🙄(not saying that's op's view!)

I have zero tolerance of people following fad diets without medical supervision/need, OP.

I'd cook for you and the DC, and let him crack on with his chicken and veg.

Honestly, this sounds like yourself making a meal out of it (excuse the pun 😅). Why doesn't whoever is cooking just do what DH is allowed from the, frankly, very long list of 'Yes' food and add in something from the 'No' list that you and DC will have but he won't? Like DH has chicken and vegetables. You and kids have chicken, vegetables and rice.

But why can't that still be the case?

One of you cooks and the other can sort the kids. Maybe DH could batch-cook his meals over the weekend and then they can just be de-frosted and cooked in the microwave.

There's an awful lot there to choose from. Surely you can have chicken and a couple of the veg and just add some noodles/ rice/ potatoes and a bit of sauce for you, to make it more palatable? Can't he have fish or another protein? I'm sure with a bit of thought you and he could come up with a basic meal for him each night and then you can add to it to make it more balanced for you. He can cook for both of you each evening.

In your shoes I'd just cook what you want for you and your kids and leave DH to get on witn making his own.

I've never understood the whole families must always eat the same thing together. Maybe it's from when I still lived at home. My siblings, parents and I were all at uni or work and coming in at different times. We might have offered to cook something for everyone who was home at the same time, but usually it was 2/3 people in the kitchen cooking at the same time.

When I moved in with DH, we worked different shifts so didn't always eat together. He also likes different foods to me. So even now we still cook seperate meals together in the kitchen or eat at different times. Usually DH eats with the kids and I eat a bit later because I finish work later.

Did you self diagnose your treatment?! Read the OP

I feel like you’re just so annoyed by this that you’ll find a reason to poo-poo any suggestion made here.