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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Photos of Baby on Social Media

37 replies

Lbhughes85 · 28/06/2022 13:11

We communicated our wishes for no photos of our baby on SM early on during my pregnancy. Although, I use SM myself, my SO doesn't, and we agreed on the decision to leave all photos/announcements of the baby off SM until she's at the age where she can consent.

Everyone has respected our decision up until recently (baby is now one month). My mum, who is a prolific oversharer on FB, posted a two photos without our consent on FB but had drawn a heart over the baby's face and then another with her back facing. I know our baby's face isn't in the photos, but it still annoyed me as we made our wishes explicitly clear. She seems to have semi-complied with our wishes by not showing her face, but we'd just rather nothing on there at all. Am I being to precious seeing as she blocked out her face or is it reasonable to bring this up again with her?

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 28/06/2022 13:14

I personally think that’s ok as you can’t see the baby’s face and it’s a proud grandmother showing off her grandchild

But if you’re not comfortable with it then that’s what matters and you should have a chat with her to that effect

UncaDonald · 28/06/2022 13:17

Absolutely not unreasonable.

Your baby, your rules.

Get her telt!

SemperIdem · 28/06/2022 13:18

I think you are being precious

RainbowBridge21 · 28/06/2022 13:31

Imo, it's your baby ergo your rules so I don't think you're unreasonable as you've specifically asked for no photos to be shared online.

At least her face isn't showing. Maybe Facebook will take it down if you report it?

FarmGirl78 · 28/06/2022 13:33

Your baby, your choice. But I think you are being very unfair on Grandparents that they can't share photos of their own Grandchildren with their friends. If they have sufficient privacy settings on their profile what's the harm? Its reasonable that they should be able to.

lolil · 28/06/2022 13:36

My mum, who is a prolific oversharer on FB, posted a two photos without our consent on FB but had drawn a heart over the baby's face and then another with her back facing.

Passive aggressive dick move. You asked her or to post. It's not difficult for her to respect you. If she wants.

lolil · 28/06/2022 13:36

Not to post

Sarah13xx · 28/06/2022 13:37

Totally up to you what you want to do. I think even if someone hasn’t specified this, if I was a friend or grandparent I would always ask first. Some people seem to assume just because you post pictures of your own child on social media it then allows them to post whatever they like of your child. My FIL’s partner posted really zoomed in pictures of our little ones face when he was tiny. I posted a select few pictures but wasn’t asked permission, it wasn’t a photo I would have chosen to share of him.

TheMarmaladeYears · 28/06/2022 13:39

I have a dgs who doesn't do social media either and I applaud and respect this. I don't post any images of him on FB/Instagram regardless of disguise or face blockings out. It goes against the agreed principles in my view. I'd also say that I don't consider I have any right, as a grandparent, to share his image with my friends on social media. There are other perfectly easy and effective ways to do this privately. So no, YANBU. I think you need a conversation with your DM to clarify your preferences.

Vikinga · 28/06/2022 13:41

I ahge friends who don't want pics of their children on social media and I respect that. Yanbu

Sally872 · 28/06/2022 13:46

I think blocking face is standard when a child shouldnt be on social media but you want to share a pic. Eg "here is jenny winning sports day" with emojis over any other children.

If you don't like it then by all means have a conversation with your mum. But I would be very nice about it as she probably genuinely believes she is respecting your wishes.

sofamystery · 28/06/2022 14:06

Think it depends on the photo. We have a family child that cant be in photos but this is often tricky in group photos of cousins, family at parties etc where its not a specific picture of the child but of an event or gathering
Its really hard to exclude a child in that way.Much harder than id imagined until we had to start
we are partly lead by the family member though who does share pictures of them from behind/in shadow/ or with covered faces though

Wheelsonthebus123 · 28/06/2022 14:11

It is in line with what school would do if you did not give consent for your child's imagine to be on SM - include them in a group shot, but put a picture over the face. Would you be OK with that?

Wheelsonthebus123 · 28/06/2022 14:11

It is in line with what school would do if you did not give consent for your child's imagine to be on SM - include them in a group shot, but put a picture over the face.

LIZS · 28/06/2022 14:13

Who took the picture? Having the face obscured is very much in line with celebs.

lolil · 28/06/2022 14:14

Wheelsonthebus123 · 28/06/2022 14:11

It is in line with what school would do if you did not give consent for your child's imagine to be on SM - include them in a group shot, but put a picture over the face. Would you be OK with that?

This is a really weird comparison. It's not a group photo and it's not school. There is no need to cover a face because simply not uploading the picture works better.

GoldenSpiral · 28/06/2022 14:15

You're definitely being precious. Why would your child mind in the future? Their face is completely blocked out. I think it sounds like your nose it out of joint because your mum has 'bent your rule' and you want to push back for the sake of being awkward.

RedCardigan · 28/06/2022 14:17

I don’t understand why anyone has voted YABU.
talk to her and explain that although you appreciate the effort to cover their face you meant no photos at all

StridTheKiller · 28/06/2022 14:17

I know it's a novel idea but I only have real life friends on my Facebook, so I have no problem with them seeing a snapshot of mine and DD's life now and again.
I do think you are being kind sparing your FB friends tedious baby photos, about which nobody could care less, so YANBU.

lolil · 28/06/2022 14:19

GoldenSpiral · 28/06/2022 14:15

It doesn't matter of people think OP is being precious. So what if OP is?

The main crux is that her mother doesn't respect her.

MissMaple82 · 28/06/2022 14:20

Shes making a statement. You are not being unreasonable at all. She has no right.

MissMaple82 · 28/06/2022 14:25

GoldenSpiral · 28/06/2022 14:15

What nonsense, not everybody wants their child plastered over Facebook. The point is she went against her wishes, its not about being awkward for the sake of it. I'd be mad at this too OP

GoldenSpiral · 28/06/2022 14:25

@lolil The OP has specifically asked us all if she is being precious...

The mother probably thought that she was being respectful by covering the baby's face. The OP is being awkward for the sake of it if she asks her mum to take the photos down in my opinion. If I was that fussed about it then I might say to not post any pictures at all next time she sees her DM. If she does it again after a polite word then she is crossing a line.

CourtneeLuv · 28/06/2022 14:26

I think this is a bit ridiculous.

RedWingBoots · 28/06/2022 14:26

As you can't see your child's face there isn't much you can do.

If you could see your child's face I would simply tell you to report your mother to Facebook to get the full pictures removed.

Unfortunately some people just don't understand why parents and particularly children themselves from 8+ don't want other people posting their photos all over Facebook and other SM sites.

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