Is your home always 'guest ready'?

[Bigbonesmeatandgravy]

If someone drops by unexpectedly would you be happy to let them in or would you feel embarrassed about the state of it? My house is always a bit of a mess and I feel conscious of unexpected visitors more often not. Things like the bin needs emptying, crumbs on the floor, dishwasher needs loading, clothes strewn around randomly. I feel like I spend half my life tidying so it's not laziness, it just gets messy again straight away. I also have one spare room that is a dumping ground and such a mess at all times that I would be mortified if anyone entered it.I have 2 kids under 4 so that's my excuse! YABU My house is always visitor ready YANBU My house is rarely visitor readyAnd if your house is a bit of a mess, do you care what people think?

Also I have cats so it's never going to be a show home.

Don’t do it for yourself FGS

do it for your children

it is honestly horresque to never allow anyone in to your home, ever.
quite honestly I am surprised that no one has ever reported you to social services for never having had anyone enter your home and indeed refusing entry presumably

Wtf...no outsiders beyond the front door? You know you need to get help right? This is the kind of maladaptive parenting that children can't bounce back from.

I mean it’s a ridiculous and stupid lifestyle choice, but you can’t really ring social services and say ‘number 56 never has anyone over and won’t let her kids have play dates.’ They won’t come out for neglect and in some cases abuse.

But I never understand all this childishness about ‘we need our sanctuary, we need to recuperate.’ So many people seem to find everyday life a horror show they need to regularly recover from. It makes me think you must be utterly fucking miserable that you feel the need to hide away in your ‘sanctuary.’ It’s like they’re terrified of everyday normal life.

I mean I do think it’s damaging to the kids social experiences and development. Just making the point that social services won’t be interested in someone not allowing visitors to their home regularly.

You mean strangers @Lonelygal22 rather than family members and so on?

It’s the wording and implication that is disturbing

”outsiders” with an undercurrent of “enemies”

and will mean that the poster has refused people coming in.

so yes, I am surprised that no one has every expressed concern to social services or at the least school

play dates? I definitely wasn’t meaning them!

I did learn today that my house is not in fact toddler guest ready..! I live with teens and my friends wee one found pretty much every single un-child-friendly item I own 😂 So even if clean and tidy (ish!) it isn’t baby proofed.

Family included. I don’t need that toxic energy.

I remember that. A student brings a girl back to his very messy flat and she assumes he’s be burgled. Embarrassed, he plays along with the idea. Using Yellow Pages looks for a cleaning company. The girl re-enters the room and say’s, “You don’t want to see what they’ve done to your bathroom”!
A very clever and witty series of adverts. (Remember, ‘Fly Fishing by J R Hartley’.)

Well, that's a bit ignorant. Some people, often people who are not NT, need somewhere they can recover from after a day of overstimulation and sensory overload. Or they just need somewhere where they don't have to worry about interacting with people.

This, I never have and never will live in a messy home. It’s just not in my nature. It’s instinctive to keep it nice and tidy

I'm the only slightly tidy person in my house. Despite encouraging tidying from a young age and putting away toys/items they're not usin, it hasn't worked. At all. my kids are teen/tween and often losing things (as does DH) none of them have made the link between mess and not being able to find stuff! DS wears glasses, we spend an unreasonable amount of time looking for his glasses as he thinks the floor/sofa/arm of a chair etc are suitable places to leave them. (These are also his favourite place to leave his watch!) It's an ongoing battle!

I feel like the house skivvy a lot of the time. Ive tried the mN classic "just stop doing x, y or z" lots if times.
Currently there are ingredients out on the side that DH used to prepare a meal on Saturday. I'm not sure how long is ok to wait but I'm giving up and getting rid of them today (He insists he always clears away after cooking!) Unless I put ironed clothes away for everyone straight away, they will get ignored or sat on by humans and cats and end up a crumpled mess.

Welcome to life with autism! The outside world is pretty scary, overwhelming and stressful to me, so I value my sanctuary where I can be myself and recover from the day.

I do allow visitors and guests inside it though 😉

Isn’t everyone’s home a home that people live in? Even the guest ready ones.

That sounds really sinister. What happened to bring you this lifestyle choice?

Mine is. It's not perfect housekeeping by any means, but I do have a guest bedroom available and an extra bathroom with toiletries. The coffee, tea or wine will be offered as soon as you come in. The dog may jump on you, but we keep working on that! I can usually scrounge up some treats to offer with the beverage. Visitors and staying guests always welcome.

I can't speak to the kids aspect as I don't have kids, but as for the 'childishness' jibe - wow.

Life is challenging for pretty much all of us these days. Throw in physical/mental health/mobility issues, neurodiversity etc, on top of an unusually challenging day (or, on a bad health day, even a non-challenging one) and one's home can very quickly come to feel like a welcome sanctuary from an exhausting and debilitating world. That's not a fear thing, it's about feeling ground down on a daily basis and being glad of one's home as a place to recuperate and recharge. If day-to-day life doesn't affect you this way, consider yourself lucky and please try not to judge.

I don’t think it’s ignorant at all. Of course if someone has mental health issues or a disability it’s different, but I see it constantly on here. Grown adults terrified to answer the door and refusing to speak to family or answer the phone because they need their ‘sanctuary.’ If I was that horrified by ‘outsiders’ I’d be miserable.

I still don’t think social services would be interested in a family who don’t allow visitors though. I’ve reported some real issues to them they can’t/won’t take an interest in, so ‘Maggie won’t let people in the house’ would likely not scratch the surface.

And obviously I’m not talking about people who need to rest after busy days or like to chill at home. I’m talking about this attitude of ‘we can’t let outsiders in ever, we can’t answer the phone, we need to recuperate in our sanctuary.’

If you genuinely feel that you can’t allow anyone in your home at any time because you find life so scary/exhausting that you need constant daily recuperation you should be seeking real help because that’s massively damaging.

I don’t think it’s ignorant at all. Of course if someone has mental health issues or a disability it’s different, but I see it constantly on here. Grown adults terrified to answer the door and refusing to speak to family or answer the phone because they need their ‘sanctuary.’ If I was that horrified by ‘outsiders’ I’d be miserable.

It's not about being "horrified".

Maybe dial back your judgement and try and be a little bit more understanding.

My house is reasonably tidy, we have a dog so I potter around with my hoover every so often and I like my kitchen clean. But I cringe if an unexpected visitor asks to nip to the loo, I can never second guess what state that's in with children in a loo I don't use!!!

mine is but I like to keep on top of the cleaning and tidying. Offer them a hot drink and be nice and they won’t care about the mess.

@Canyouanswermyquestion

It's not man bashing to acknowledge that women are judged for appearances in ways that men aren't

I bet not one of you who judge an untidy home would subconsciously judge the man.

You'd think, christ can't she tidy up?

Christ no, we've got three kids under three.

Even the mice are running away from our squalor.