To ask what chores you expect your primary aged DC to do?

[TheNightKing]

We have three children aged 9, 6 and almost 4 yrs old. We expect very little of them, mainly just putting bags & shoes in a set place & tidying up after themselves (although we generally have to nag for this to happen). Wondering what others expect of their DC of similar ages as sometimes it feels like we don’t have enough time to do everything and just wonder if that’s because we don’t get them to do enough or if this is just adult life.

I don't have kids, but when I was primary school age the kinds of things my parents expected of me were:

• Tidying up after myself (putting away toys and books etc, hanging up coats/bags, bringing empty plates/cups into the kitchen when I'd finished with them, putting stuff in the bin, wiping up anything I'd spilt)
• Putting place mats and cutlery etc out on the table before meals
• Helping to clear the table afterwards
• Tidying up my bedroom and making my bed (although I don't think 'making my bed' really meant anything beyond yanking the duvet over it when I'd got out
• Putting dirty clothes in the linen basket

I definitely had to be asked/nagged to do them all, though.

In addition there would be ad hoc things like 'Oh, 10HailMarys, can you do me a favour and feed the dog?' or 'Your turn to put the kettle on' or 'I'm not going to have time to wash up those plates before we go out - can you do that please while I get ready?' or 'As you don't seem to be doing anything other than getting under my feet, you can chop the carrots' or something like that.

Empty the dishwasher
Tidy their rooms
Sort out the clean laundry and put in the correct bedroom (11 & 9)

I'm going to get my 11 year old to do the washing for a couple of weeks just so she can see just how much laundry she has... half of it isn't actually dirty, she just can't be bothered to hang her clothes back up in the wardrobe.

When mine were those ages the older ones would have been expected to put away clean clothes. Could put a wash on, and sort clothes by colour for a wash too.

At 4 I would expect them to set the table and put coat and shoes away etc.

7y/o DD puts dirty clothes in laundry basket, clean clothes away, helps sort and fold clothes that don’t need ironing, cooks dinner with me & washes up with me (she does the easy bits, I do the hard bits but she stays in the kitchen to see how it’s done and chat) twice a week, once a week we do a proper bathroom clean and her jobs are to wipe down the sink & bathtub, she also helps vacuum.

It’s just me and her so she knows if she doesn’t help I do it all, and that means less time to go to the park or something. She also understands why it’s important to clean, especially as she’s seen how messy it can get as when I had covid I couldn’t clean, so she doesn’t mind helping. There’s sometimes a whinge but she gets to choose the music we put on and we have dance-offs while cleaning, lol.

My ds is 6yo and he tidies up his room and makes his bed every morning. We have made it easy, with light bedding and a good toy storage organizer so it takes him just a few minutes. He unpacks the dishwasher and leaves whatever he can't reach to put back in the cupboards. Every single night we do a family 15-20min tidy. This makes such a difference. As he gets older we will increase his chore list. We will not be rewarding him with pocket money for chores, as we believe every member of the family contributes in some way. I don't want a spoilt brat thinking they only need to do something if they gain from it.

5 year old does basic tidying up after themselves - clothes in laundry basket, shoes in cupboard, coat on hook, plate/bowl in sink. After endless nagging, they do tidy up toys they have played with and put pens/pencils etc away. That is all with regular expectations

Also helps with cooking, cleaning etc in kitchen at times but I don't expect this on a daily basis - they see me doing it sometimes and want to be involved/start helping which is lovely

My DD is 6 and she tidies the play room after tea before bed, she puts dirty clothes in the hamper, she washes her school water bottle and refills it and puts in the fridge ready for grabbing the next day... she will tidy her room and roughly nake her bed. That's about it....

Vastly different to when i was a child, i was doing MUCH more at her age...

Tidy their rooms
Empty the dishwasher
Feed pets

Lay the table
Clean the car - they like doing this for cash 😂

Like it!

DC aged 5.
Make bed, put away any clothes in room they are not wearing.
Tidy toys after playing
Collect cutlery before meal to lay table.
Tidy own bowl/plate to dishwasher.
Feed cat (scoop of dry food).
Put own dirty clothes in the laundry hamper before bed.

I offer small amounts of pocket money for other jobs, like helping out with watering plants, cleaning the car.

DC is pretty good for age at helping out when asked, eg will help get younger sibling a drink of water, will unload plastic tubs etc from dishwasher, will help with meal preparation. Likes the responsibility of getting own cereal breakfast ready!

After meals - clear the table wipe it and sweep crumbs off the floor.

put clothes in laundry basket for washing

if handed a pile of their folded laundry they should put it away in the correct drawers.

when coming home. Put their own bags and shoes away, empty lunch box and stack in dishwasher.

Dust and tidy own room and set off robot vacuum once a week.

basically it’s tidying up after yourself not household chores

DC 9 and 10 clothes hung up if wearing again or in basket if not. Help lay table for dinner/get their own drinks. Bring plates from table to sink/dishwasher. Unpack/pack their school bags. Help sort laundry and put their own things away. Help change their bedding/cleaning bedrooms. Feed and change water of pets and help clean them out. Generally put stuff away if they have finished with it... although this is often not completely done.

Mine are 9 and 6. Younger one empties dishwasher, older fills it, with assistance. They both are responsible for basic tidying in their bedrooms, putting away any of their stuff left in other areas of the house, and putting dirty washing in the basket. In school holidays they help with putting away the shopping delivery. There are other ad hoc things they help with, but those are the regulars.

My 9yo DD has to tidy after herself breakfast/ dinner. Put bags, shoes, coats away after school. Make her bed, keep her room tidy(ish). top up cat and dog water bowls and feed the cat each morning. Pack her school bag.
play with puppy while I get ready in morning.
At weekends she is responsible for packing her own sports bag for hobby (shoes/water/purse/ snack), makes her own lunches, putting all her washing in basket/putting away clean clothes.
Obviously I have to nag/remind her, she is 9 not an angel 😂

My five year old tidies up the toys each evening before bed (with the help of his nearly three year old sister), he brings out plates etc when he’s done & he lays out the cutlery. He also likes to help me bring the washing in from the line sometimes though I don’t expect him to.
They both put their dirty washing in the laundry basket too.

washes up with me (she does the easy bits, I do the hard bits but she stays in the kitchen to see how it’s done and chat)

This, making them see from a young age what adults do as you are raising them to be functioning adults. We have always kept the children (now 19 and 16) in the kitchen with us until everything is finished. From a young age bring their plate through from the table, anything else they can manage, put away condiments, placemats, napkins into the tub for washing, wipe the table and dry it, again those textiles into the same tub as the napkins. Stay in the kitchen being handed stuff that is hand wash only to put away.

Later they pack and empty the dishwasher. Your 9 year old can do one dishwasher load a week, have a set day. They can definitely strip a bed and probably have a good attempt at putting everything back on it, sheet, duvet cover and pillow. Again we have set laundry days.

The basics of their laundry into baskets, shoes/coats/bags put in the right places, a tidy bedroom, tidy up after themselves starts from as early as possible. Help with any lunch or dinner prep they can do, even if it is just washing tomatoes. There is no money for chores in this house, no one pays me.

Watching. Mine are 9 and 7 and do the following, with nagging…

Tidy up their mess
Put away shoes, bags, coats
Put away clean laundry
Chuck dirty clothes downstairs (I then sort into the light/dark baskets)
Lay table, get water
Bring plates to dishwasher
Occasionally help with cooking (more for fun than real help at present)

I need to get them putting together their own sports kit, this would be a big help. They could also help with unloading dishwasher or food shop

Also like the idea of them hanging up worn but clean clothes, at present these just hang about and often end up in the wash

Mine made their own packed lunch from year 4

By 11 most things to be honest. Including cooking simple meals from scratch.

Dd10 tidies up after herself, tidies her room, puts her clean clothes away, feeds the cat and unstacks the dishwasher

Also puts her dirty clothes in the wash basket (thought this one would be obvious but some pps mentioned it so thought I'd add)

Oh and sorts her school bag in the morning

11 and 9yos both expected to bring dirty laundry down and put their clean stuff away. Vacuum their bedrooms every Saturday and strip bed every Sunday (with help to start with, now they do it themselves, though I usually refit the duvet.)

Other than that, just helping with everyday stuff such as feeding the cats, emptying the dishwasher, laying the table or pairing socks. They are expected to tidy after themselves (they don't do it very well though) and help in the garden too. Ds1 helps mow the lawn sometimes and neither are strangers to a bucket and sponge for the car.

DSs are 6 and 9. Both should tidy up after themselves, help lay the table, bring plates through afterwards, help themselves to fruit and water, put laundry in the basket, strip beds if asked, put towels back on the towel rack after a bath.

DS1 can also cut himself cake (working up to bagels), pour squash and milk.

Both sometimes help cook at the weekend.

All of this is a bit hit and miss at times but it’s been fairly steady progress so far…