To hate my own face?

[Aguanatural]

I’m so ugly, and recently I’m getting really depressed over it.

inhave a huge nose and tiny mouth, a million child, hooded eyelids (think saggy, not Blake Lively type). I have big cheeks and I’m skinny fat.
my teeth are yellow and like tombstones and I have such deep wrinkles and huge eye bags due to lack of sleep from the kids even though I’m only 32. I see other women around me that look fresh faced, no wrinkles etc even though they have kids.

I can’t afford to do much, like have my teeth done or buy expensive creams. I use moisturiser and sunscreen every day. I feel confition my hair with some cheap stuff from the supermarket and I clean my teeth and get dentist checks - they’re healthy, no fillings etc, just yellowing and cramped. I have brown skin on my upper lip where I have been waxing my stupid moustache for years. I just put some make up on and cried in the mirror, I look like a little girl playing in her mums make up.

I know the answers is to ‘love yourself’ but I can’t. I don’t know what to do, I’m starting to avoid mirrors, photos and even intimacy with my husband. He must be so gutted that I’m so ugly these days.

How do you learn to be comfortable with what you see?

A million child? Sorry, was ready whilst typing. I mean a million chins.

Teary! Oh dear, how embarrassing.

Hi,
I was in a similar position because of very low self esteem and a history of child abuse - neglect etc.. So when I went to a therapist to work through that stuff I came up against a brick wall of hatred for myself. I had never thought I was OK, ever, not even as a tiny kid.
Slowly I learned to sit and meditate, first on my own, later with music or podcasts. I made no effort to 'love myself' or 'affirm myself' but I did think of my life story, who I was, what I did, what bits I owned. One day I was able to sit in front of a mirror and cry properly. I softened to myself, I grew so I loved everything about me, my eyes, my face, even bits I hated. I read lots of Pema Chodron, listened to Ram Dass and did not force anything.
Now I think I am a superstar guy! - I'm not goodlooking, I'm nearly 50, slightly fat, balding, but I'm great !😍- so you can do this 💪. Dont get hooked up on how you 'look' - get hooked up on who you are and the inside shines past the outside.
Good luck! Good looks only get you so far - the rest of the road you walk from inside.

Attractiveness has little to do with physical appearance. It's about happiness, confidence, being a nice person. You could have the most beautiful woman in the world and if she's sulky, miserable, full of drama then she isn't going to be as attractive as someone else who is kind, relaxed, happy.

Maybe post a photo? You might be judging yourself all wrong.

I doubt you're ugly, I've yet to see a genuinely ugly person.

You have a self esteem issue not a facial issue. Counselling maybe?

I bet you're not ugly at all. Counselling might help your self-esteem? Could you ask your h and best friends what they think?

I really doubt anyone else would see you the way you're describing yourself, you say you have a husband so at least one person thought you were attractive enough to want to spend time with you.

I just remind myself that the way I look is not me, it's just a flesh prison that I live in. Your personality is what will determine if you're truly a beautiful or ugly person.

I could have written your post at exactly the same age OP!

I spent a fortune on my teeth, skin, hair - and I didn’t feel any different, or at least not for long.

The issue was always comparing myself to everyone’s outside and judging myself more harshly than I judged anyone else or anyone would judge me.

It’s taken me many years to not feel so shit about myself by focusing on my other qualities - I am kind, I am funny, I am good company, I am loyal : all the things that actually make your attractive.
It’s a skill to learn like anything else but it’s possible.

I still have times when one bad photo or a bad hair day can make me feel like shit but I bounce back a lot faster.

I’ve also learned that no one pays as much deep attention to you as you do to yourself - mostly because they are focused on their own flaws!

I'm sure you're not "ugly" and are certainly beautiful to those who love you, but honestly anybody who spends too much time scrutinising and criticising themselves in the mirror is bound to feel down afterwards. I avoid mirrors as much as possible and tell myself I'm gorgeous, it works 😁

This is so sad to read - it doesn't just feel like you're having a bad day...it sounds like you need to take action to feel better about yourself.

I've just focused on one area because it sounds like you can make a difference here and there isn't anything physical getting in the way - you say you're 'skinny fat'? Well, that isn't healthy and it's what's on the inside that truly makes a difference and once you are feeling healthier then the other things will fall into place. So, based on this area of focus:

1. What's your diet like? Can you make some small changes - less sugar, less fat, more veg/fruit etc.
2. Do you exercise? If not, can you add in a brisk daily walk to raise your heart rate for just 20-30 mins a day?

You have to start small.

Ask a good friend what they see when they look at you and l bet they don't mention anything you have said in your op.

if you've got young children, feeling like this is very common. I felt I looked wful for best part of a decade after having kids. A decade later I feel younger than I did then. It is brutal on your body, eye bags skin, etc. But it will get better!

There are only two possibilities:

1. You are not as ugly as you say, and the answer is to feel better about your looks
2. You are as ugly as you say, and the answer is to feel better about your looks

Some people who do not have good looks feel absolutely fine and happy. I think you need to work on your feelings. It might not be easy or quick but I believe people can change how they feel about themselves.

I'm sure people around you don't view you that way at all! You're really zoning in on the negatives and exaggerating them, I'm sure. People who look at you see YOU not a load of imperfect features. I could list all my flaws (big teeth, fat face, droopy eyelids, big bum etc etc) but I don't think this is what people really see when they look at me. I could also list several positive features. It's all about perception.

OP, you could be describing me and how I feel about myself. I'm much older, at

What a great post @ThisisMax
I did something similar too.

Just remember that we as people are naturally self critical and that other people won’t see/think any of these things when they look at you..

Also, you mentioned a husband , he must think you’re the most beautiful woman 🤗

Ugly is a strong word. But many of us are unattractive (including me) and that is a fact. We aren’t all blessed with good or even average looks. I think that’s hard for someone to understand if they feel ok with what they see in the mirror.

I haven’t learnt to “love” how I look, I doubt I ever will. But I have learnt to love me for who I am. I have put all my focus on living a life I enjoy. I dress to please myself, I have very little in the way of hair and make up routine (as it’s pretty pointless for me!) and I use the time and money saved to do things I like to do. I am lucky in so many ways, so ok I don’t look fantastic but there is so much more to me than that. There is so much more in my life than what I see in the mirror. I just avoid looking at it too often!

You can train yourself to be less focused on your external appearance. Yes you could spend money doing this and that to try and improve things, I tried that. But I still didn’t feel better. I only felt better when I just stopped thinking about it. Focus on the good things in your life, have fun, spend time with people you love, doing things you enjoy.

I get it, I am also feeling down about my looks at the moment.

I have a large nose (from the side) and not very flattering teeth. One of my biggest regrets is not getting a nose job when I was younger! I do compare myself to others, I see mums in casual wear and they look so attractive, so many of them yet I feel like shit. I also have siblings who are physically more attractive than me…the comparison to other people is getting me down.

I am married, I have children and I should be happy..but I cant help but feel what I been handed in life is unfair and I am allowing my insecurity to effect my personal life.

Hopefully we both get through this and its a phase.

Have you considered body dysmorphic disorder BDD? Might be worth looking into it.

I was a average child, ugly teen but then I got pretty around 17-35. Now I'm overweight, my mouth droops down, I have many lines. My hair is a bizzare combo of oil slick with frizz and eczema. I bite my nails and my teeth are yellow. I look like a saggy bag lady in my dresses that use to look 'cute' I try not to look in mirror once I've done my face. I found clarifying lotion helps as does primer.

Self love is the most important lesson a woman could ever learn. It is not about bubble baths or candles, you have to dig very deep inwardly, mentally and emotionally, inwards is the way out. It takes time, but anything worthwhile in life takes time. T D Jakes is right when he says "The battlefield is in your mind" Get your mind right and everything else falls naturally into place.
Five minutes a day reading up on anything to do with self love/ care is a good start. Lots of free info online, tons of books on the subject, you have to be willing to work at it and put it into practice, Women who love themselves have often had to overcome alot of diversity in life and have worked hard to get to a place where they are at comfortable and at peace with where they are.
Another fan of Pedra Chodron here, her books were one of the first l ever read on the subject 10 yrs ago and still a daily work in progress, but it is so worth it.

It's great that you wear sunscreen every day. That will stop the melasma on the upper lip getting worse. You might want to ask your GP for a prescription cream that can fade that - azelaic/tretinoin/hydroquinone. And going forward, thread or pluck instead of waxing. You don't need expensive creams.

I bleach my teeth every year or so with overnight leave in trays and gel that the dentist gives me. Costs about £100.

Maybe it's not the piece of advice you're looking for, but I felt the same about myself and to be honest, none of the love yourself stuff would help. I did at home teeth whitening, changed the colour of my hair (blonde balayage) and done lip fillers. Now even my not so small nose doesn't bother me this much. I have plans to have a surgery at some point, but I have different financial priorities. I invested £100.00 in good skincare (natural products) and I feel so much better about myself. Just do what you want and what you can afford. I am pretty sure you can get rid of puffy eyes using face roller or ice cubes etc., buy whitening strips for teeth etc. They aren't too expensive, don't require too much effort. I would start with some small things. Maybe some changes in a diet and 10-15 minutes of exercise daily? Xx

I've never been happy with my looks, had horrendous acne right up until my 30s now in my 40s I'm really looking my age and I've always had shit hair. my mum on the other hand has always looked incredibly young for her age with a fantastic head of hair, even our hairdresser has commented on how much better (nicer) mums hair is hers is thick mine is very thin, greasy & lank impossible to style. I look nothing like mum I'm very much like my dad and inherited his terrible hair unfortunately. my mum is 25 years older than me but looks so much better it really gets me down.
How much happier must women have been before the invention of mirrors! lol.