'Snowflake' parent when actually there is undiagnosed SEN

[Bbqbeefhulahoopsarethebest]

Have many of you had to deal with being perceived as a 'difficult' or 'anxious' parent when actually your child has undiagnosed SEN. Or are there any teachers who maybe had to re-evaluate their view of a child/parent when a diagnosis was received.

Having a bit of a vent (inspired by a thread at the moment talking about 'snowflake' parents being hard work and demanding etc).

It's taken us years of meltdowns and challenges with DC at home to finally get taken seriously enough to get an ASD diagnosis. And along the way me being made to feel like I was being a 'snowflake' parent and my DC to develop some some severe mental health problems.

Oh God yes.
With hindsight I have NO IDEA why I took so much shit from DD's school. I think I was just exhausted and so busy fighting fires for/with her I couldn't get the time together to raise my game.
She's now, at 20, doing well, managing her own therapy and coming to terms with a recent diagnosis. So incredibly proud of her.

My DS school etc. are desperate to get him diagnosed with attachment difficulties. A school nurse once said "so, his primary need is attachment" despite having never met him. He is adopted but with us since he was tiny (and please do not tell me "oh he can still have attachment difficulties" because no, that's not how attachment works). We are bad parents because we won't do 6 months of Theraplay via Zoom that would basically be us chatting to the therapist because DS would hide, and us also missing half a day of school a week.
Also everyone is desperate for him to have ASD (because all teachers know SO MUCH about ASD) and this has led us to obediently do the ASD screener about 5 times and "fail" every time. And also he must have a learning disability (no, you just don't know how to teach, and you will only accept written work and he has dyspraxia).
In fact, he has ADHD which is in his birth family, and yes, it CAN lead to social difficulties, despite teachers thinking the only children who have social difficulties being those with ASD.
Funnily enough I know more about my DS' condition than teachers. I have a science PhD, I can read academic journals, and that's more than any of the therapists and teachers seem to do. "We do it this way" erm why is that when the evidence shows it's not effective?

It is a lack of funding, provision, resources and training offset against the huge rise in both recognising conditions.

I am not a teacher I work in social services and I cant believe how much pressure teachers are under with numerous EHCP's and early help plans to get through. Schools are overwhelmed with requests, teachers are being asked to attend meetings rather than teach. And there has been a definite shift of blame on to schools.

And when they do refer to CAHMS the waiting lists are long, when they spend hours completing an EHCP and the LA chucks it back at them saying not enough evidence. In our area CAHMS won't assess until the parent has attended a parenting programme first.

While parents on here may give their children structure there are many who don't and often an use SEN as an excuse for bad behaviour rather than a reason. Many children really do present well enough in class and the teacher is not blind nor lying. How is the teacher supposed to know the difference when they see you in the yard or in a meeting?

Don't get me wrong some teachers are very judgemental and some schools are dire, there are some children you think how were they ever missed? But how much training do teachers get on SEN? And so many of them are trying their best to teach a class and manage the sensitive children, the disruptive children and the children who can't get a place in SEN school because they are full while juggling TAF meetings and parents demanding that they do more.

If schools had the staff they needed to assess, attend meetings and provide support a lot more children would be helped a whole lot quicker.