To be bored?

[Eeksteek]

Bored witless. Not not-enough-to-fill-my-time bored. But stuck-in-a-rut bored.

I do stuff. I have my own business (which is facing huge problems and has been for years. WFH. Boring and stressful) Walk the dogs for an hour or so at lunch time. (Peaceful and pleasant, but not exactly stimulating). Clean the house, if I can be arsed (utterly never ending). Play board games or ball games with my kiddo Watch a bit of telly with her. (She likes utterly vacuous game shows. My god, they’re dull. And cringy!) Weights if I can muster up the energy. Read (could do with some new authors) Listen to podcasts and the radio (ditto). Yoga before bed. Meet up with friends at each others houses for coffee and have the same conversations about boring jobs, lazy husbands (theirs not mine) how broke we are and what we’d like to do but can’t. Go and fight weeds on the allotment at weekends. Used to be able to take the camper away to free stopovers, but petrol is too expensive now.

Just feel like I’m doing the same stuff. Over and over, for years and years. I’ve got nice friends, but I’ve got nothing to SAY. I haven’t done anything or been anywhere. I’m flat broke and have cut my budget to the bone (really dull, that is. Can’t even try new recipes!). I’ve tons of ideas for things to do with the house and garden, but can’t afford to do any of them, even cheap stuff costs something. My dog is sick and has been for months and we don’t know why. She has to be let out every couple of hours (day and night) or I have to clear up diarrhoea. Boring and stinky! And not enough sleep, so I have to nap too. Yawn! My kid is 12 and in the really tedious ‘huh huh - you said butt!’ phase and having a fair bit of tweenage drama (which is really bloody tedious if it isn’t your drama). Never been one for telly or films. Like crafting, but have used up my supplies and am sick of making things I don’t actually want out of what I have leftover or can scavenge. I’m trying to learn to meditate. I‘m trying to do the ‘right’ things to manage the stress and live healthily.

I’ve been a lone parent for years, and I’ve never been bored. Overwhelmed and knackered, yes, but not bored. I’ve always had millions of ideas, wacky plans and places to go. But everything requires some money. Not a lot, but some. And I’ve literally nothing to spare. And if I’ve got a few quid, it goes on something for kid, or trying to find out what’s wrong with the poor dog.

I just feel like I’ve been dealing with SAME never ending tedium for ever. It’s like groundhog year. I don’t think I’m depressed (although I think I am menopausal). I can’t get an evening job or go to classes or anything even if they’re free, because of DD and the dog and I’m winding up the business and going to get a job (which does not fill me with enthusiasm, it must be said. I’m unlikely to able to land anything much beyond minimum wage), so it will get resolved one day, I know. It’s taking forever though. I have a fairly good attitude in that I know it’s got to be done and the only way out is through, etc etc. And I’m cheerful for the kid, and spend a lot of time with her. I count my blessings daily. We’re not actually starving. We have each other, a nice house in lovely countryside, nice friends and we love our dogs. I’ve always been happy with a simple life when we could travel a bit, and start new projects. I’m a fairly boring person I suppose! But bloody hell I’m bored of making meals out of nothing and thinking up free activities. I want a new challenge!

Must get to sleep but could your ddog have colitis?.

Do you have somone to watch DD? I would say try and find some new friends/connections. Is there a volunteer group you could join? Often parks have a 'Friends of the park' who would get together and do things. Sounds like your creative skills would come in useful.

Join a local club, but not something you already do, you are into craft so maybe try a netball team or local bowls club! You may be 20 years younger than others there but i will give you people to talk to and a topic of conversation when you meet qith your new friends. Be experimental if it doesn't work out move onto something else.

WFH is very lonely, getting a job as much as you may hate not being your own boss, it will increase your social circle and again give you something to talk about.

Sometimes life is very lonely and it can be depressing and just bland & I hope you find something you enjoy.

I think as a priority you desperately need a decent sleep so you can think more clearly and come up with an action plan/ figure things out.
Being over tired you won't function properly at all. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now and probably can't switch off but maybe try some mindfulness on yputube. I's say you need to take a breather for now and go from there

It sounds like you have a very full life, you certainly do more than me.
Isnt everyone’s life boring really, when you think about it. My DH had an amazing job, but it was boring doing the same thing over and over.
My DF died young, and my DH had to stop work due to illness. Having your health is something you don’t appreciate until it’s gone.

You are searching for something in your life. Have you considered that it might be something spiritual rather than an activity that you're looking for? I felt like this behave I explored my spiritual life. Is there an Alpha course near you that you could try? Or something similar so you can have a bit of an explore?

I think you sound frustrated that your life has become so constrained by lack of money, and it is entirely understandable when you are not able to do the things you used to do that provided some stimulation eg going away in the camper.
It is hard when you are single as you don't have someone to chat with and bounce ideas off. It is good that you have friends that seem ok, but it's not the same as the spontaneous chat you can have with a partner.
WFH is also quite isolating, although you might be like me and prefer it to being in an office.
Is there any way you could have a camper weekend close to home, with less petrol costs? Even if you are somewhere you know, it could be a bit more interesting seen from the camper.
Also, could you be peri-menopausal? Once I started on HRT, the feelings of cba pretty much went, and I had much more energy and enthusiasm for life.

@MagpiePi I think you are right. I’m very, well, almost bitter that my lovely life has gone to shit. I don’t blame anyone for it, but I’m not accepting the change, because I don’t want to, dammit! All my goals and plans are three, or even five, years old and I haven’t moved forward with them at all, which leaves me feeling very stuck, and unable to make new ones. It’s not healthy. I can't go back. I know that. But I’m not moving forward. A lot of it is money, too. It really sucks. I didn’t have loads of money, about two minimum wages (I’m widowed) - but I did have a lot of time, flexibility and freedom and was easily pleased. I used to thank my stars I had a lovely warm house, hot baths and steak and gin on weekends, or pottering about in the camper seeing new sights or NT places. Not into expensive gigs or long haul holidays or anything like that. We used to visit my parents in France. Now I can’t even stretch to renewing my passport. It wasn’t the high life, but I was very content and didn’t want anything more. Now, I’m extremely discontent, because I can only have tepid showers and minimum heating, don’t eat meat and have to make one tank of fuel last a month. it’s pretty miserable. And I can’t seem to change it, no matter how much good attitude and ingenuity I throw at it. I feel like I’ve been battling this forever.

I do think I’m peri-menopausal and have seen my GP today, who has ordered bloods on Monday and a scan (and an internal swab. Bleugh) with a view to starting HRT which was a lot more than I expected so soon. Perhaps that will help me pull myself together. I clearly need to. Thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate it.

@Littlebirdyouaresosweet possibly. I’m a bit frustrated with the vet, tbh. They are convinced it’s a food issue. I think she has an infection. She has almost constant diarrhoea, and is so thin. I’ve tried fourteen different foods, which either give her awful diarrhoea, she won’t eat them at all, or she eats them for a few days and then refuses. The vet just keeps giving her steroids and ‘seeing how she goes’. They don’t want to look for an infection (which I think she has) but can’t suggest anything else either. It’s
costing thousands, and she’s no better, poor pup. She’s a smashing little dog, too. Im so worried about her. And awful sick of the diarrhoea, especially at night.

@Cloudyvintage volunteering might be interesting. I’ll see what I can find. It’s tricky because I would need a dog sitter, or a baby sitter, but I could maybe do a monthly thing. It would be better than nothing if I could find something I can cycle to (I budget for one tank of fuel a month. I can just about make it last as is. If it goes up anymore I’ll have to make it last longer somehow). I can sometimes bribe a local teen to hang out with them for baked goods, but I can’t pay them, so I feel awkward asking.

I have no interest in sport, and I can’t afford any paid clubs or groups. When the dog is better we plan to take her man-trailing but we can’t until she’s got some strength back and we can afford the fees. I’ve found a breed club that meets once a month for £6 through. I might be able to find that down the back of the sofa!

@FarKingHell I’ve been running on crappy sleep for twelve years. DD has always been a rubbish sleeper. She does sleep through maybe 70 percent now we have the dogs (they sleep with her), but with the dog being unwell, I have to let her out at night when she needs to go or clean up vile puddles of dog diarrhoea multiple times a night. There aren’t really many options. If my parents are visiting I can escape in the camper for a night or two, but they don’t like to visit the UK often. I’m pretty good at cobbling together enough cat naps, early nights and dozes to keep it together. Or I have been so far. Perhaps it’s reached crisis point. I’ve considered a dog flap, but I don’t have spare funds. Sometimes I leave the door open, now it’s warm, but I don’t like to at night. It feels unsafe.

Ah, you’ve answered my first question - your parents are still alive. And don’t like travelling any more?

Would they not, if you asked, help you with the price of passports and fares to France? No doubt you’ll say you don’t want to ask - but the holiday would be good for your DD as well as you. Surely they’d like to see more of you both?

Regarding your dog - I am sorry to sound heartless, but - it seems they are now extra stress and expense with little added joy. I think you have reached crisis point and need to consider a bigger change than a dog flap. You can’t afford the dog. Financially or emotionally or in terms of energy.

It does sound as if you need something new. But it would be hard to discern what that might be if you’re neither eating nor sleeping properly.

@KangarooKenny My life wasn’t boring. It was wonderful. We did loads of fun (and almost always fairly cheap) stuff. I drove the camper to Italy for five weeks and bought back lovely wines and olive oil for friends for less than fortnight’s package holiday. Went to Switzerland, Venice, Siena, Rome and Pompeii and camped on farms for free and buying their produce. We took the sleeper train to Ben Nevis and back. I knitted pjs for my dog. Visited friends and family all over the uk. I have an allotment where I grow cut flowers and veg. Went to lots of local national trusts and museums. Stargazed in Norfolk. Found fossils in Dorset. Went to Whitby for Goth weekend. Took part in local litter picks. Went to our community cafe for coffee or lunch. Got a local theme park pass and went every Friday for an hour after school when there was virtually no one there. Found stag beetles and identified moths in a jury rigged moth trap. Visited local gardens. Made a pond. Decorated the dining room and did up second hand furniture to make a games room. Climbed trees. Collected tadpoles and grew frogs in a bucket in the sitting room. Made pebble art and soap sculptures. Made natural decorations for the mantle piece seasonally. Taught the kid to make her own fancy dress costumes and basic clothes. Dyed our hair pink and purple. Wild camped. Learned to light a fire with a flint and steel. Made egg cups and plant markers out of fimo. I taught myself to knit and sew and make all sorts of fun things. My kid had a dress with jellyfish on that she wore for years! Kept chickens, guinea pigs and quail. Built a tree house and loads of dens. Fed the animals at our farm shop and picnicked on their sausage rolls and lemonade at local ruins. Hatched chicks in an incubator. Figured how to preserve a tree full of apples. Went paddling and pond dipping for minnows at a little waterfall. Went to festivals. Made origami seed packets and daisy chains. Went to a pyo for ice cream, strawberries and made jam. I made a gate, fitted cork flooring to make a little yoga studio in the spare room, painted most of the house. Made pizza and bread from scratch on Fridays or got chips and take them to the local woods to eat. I felt so lucky to have the freedom to just go off and do things.

We were always doing something. Nothing expensive or fancy. Probably most people would think it was crunchy and boring, but I was really happy. We hardly ever even ate out beyond ice cream or chips, and usually took a picnic and flasks of hot chocolate and coffee. Now, I feel like I don’t do anything and so have nothing to talk about but the business and it’s problems which haven’t changed for three years. I can’t even make any plans to do anything. I don’t know when, or even if, things will improve.

All this time, I’ve been a lone parent, worked from home, managed the business alone. For 9 years I didn’t feel lonely or isolated, I felt like I was really rocking it. Now I plainly am not. I feel like those things made me, me. But they all took spare money. Only a very little, in most cases. But some. I was so looking forward to doing more adult things with DD and being able to do more things independently too. And we can’t. I feel like such a whinger, but it wasn’t exactly a life of exorbitant luxury and now it’s….gone. I’ve been out of the workforce for a long time and I don’t think stacking shelves in a supermarket or an entry level admin job is going to be very fulfilling! (That’s not to say I won’t do it or I consider it beneath me. I must. I just can’t see it being the answer to this frustration!)

maybe I could educate myself on something new. Can’t do a class, really, but I could pick a subject and find some online past exams and library books. It needn’t be a formal thing. It’s just for me.

It sounds like you need a new direction or at least something you can do to make extra cash

Freecycle type places might help with getting stuff for nothing and if you are into crafting you could upcycle stuff to make extra money so you can do all the things you used to do.

Re ddog. (Only read op’s posts) Have you asked her vet for a course of antibiotics for ddog. Also have you tried a vegan/vegetarian diet for ddog.

It might take the strain out of digesting meat.
You have probably tried stuff before but when our ddog got diarrhoea we used to just give her water for 24hours . It’s supposed to empty the stomach so what ever bug is in there has nothing to attach itself to and then multiply

I think sometimes you get yourself into a routine and even if it is only to begin with one evening/one morning/one hour each week you need to step away from your life and do something different.

You could try selling a few bits on facebook marketplace to make a bit of extra cash. I sold an old phone when I upgraded, shoes and a games console. It's worth a shot if you've got any bits to sell.
I'm sorry about your dog 💐

@Ouchmytoe100 I will consider it. I don’t think it’s the answer, but I need to get unstuck somehow! Thank your for your thoughts.

@Kennykenkencat the dog has been on antibiotics since Christmas. She had a ghastly tooth infection (but no tooth symptoms, so it took us ages to find it) and I had to be pretty pushy to get the abx continued for her. Then I had to get her back up to a healthy weight so she could have the tooth out. During this time, every time the abx ran out, she was back to diarrhoea and not eating. She eventually had to the tooth out in March (and the resulting infection which was all up in her nose, too. It was so bad that the day before her surgery even her eye was weeping. Bloody told you so, as I tactfully did not say to the vet). Even post surgery, on a prescription diet, we couldn’t get her off them. My view is that this means there is an an infection. The vets view is that it’s inflammatory bowel disease and antibiotic dependence. You’d think they wouldn’t
mind looking for an infection, wouldn’t you? The worst that can happen is there is none, and they were right all along.

Anyway, the charity we got them from is now involved and their vet has asked for testing, for which they will pay (the insurance company having wriggled out of it) My vet has asked for their contact details to discuss it because she doesn’t think it’s necessary. Meanwhile, my poor, beautiful dog is just wasting away (although she doesn’t seem to be in pain, or unhappy, thank goodness). She’s in again on Thursday. If they won’t do it, I’m getting another vet involved. I’d take her to the charity vet, but she’s in Northumberland and it’s 200 miles.

Why is nothing ever simple?! It’s me, I know. Everything I do is like this. I’m consciously trying to live a normal life and simplify things and it never works out!

It's just life op, we all get older (if we're lucky) and things can become repetitive and very mundane.

You already said you count your blessings so carry on and take joy from the small stuff.

If I ever feel stuck in a rut I just put the news on and see how much real crap is going on then watering my petunias every night and picking up the dogs poo doesn't seem quite as much of a chore. Granted, it isn't multiple times a night

Its fine to have a moan though, we all do it.

Just get some music on loud, ear buds are the best I find, have your favourite songs blasting and that'll be a start to putting a spring in your step. From a practical point try some dog poo binder pro kolin or similar. If it doesn't resolve you really need to consider the dog's quality of life and how much it's impacting your quality of life and if euthanasia may be appropriate.

Your quota of forks (shitty things) is all full up. You need to take some of them away.

I'm not sure if it's still recommended, but my dog had been given imodium in the past (by a very old school vet!) Might be worth asking about! Something like this might also be worth a shot www.viovet.co.uk/Protexin-Pro-Kolin/c664/?quick_find=111878&utm_source=sag&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=surfaces_UK&gclid=CjwKCAjwzeqVBhAoEiwAOrEmzT7SSz73WaQf-nikzgAh64MNFG7asL14Z661M_4-e0abX0vfuOiP-RoCf1YQAvD_BwE

I personally don't think euthanasia is too radical of an idea if you don't get anywhere. Or failing that, ask the charity if they can take her back for a bit so you get a break. Maybe they have a foster home nearer to the vet who can take her for a few weeks while they do more investigations?

Would selling the camper be an option? Would give you some pin money and maybe some breathing room. Or even looking into hiring it out over the summer? There are companies who'll do all of the admin and stuff iirc.

freecoursesinengland.co.uk/?utm_term=free%20online%20courses&utm_campaign=FCIE%20Home&utm_source=adwords&utm_medium=ppc&hsa_acc=8772894239&hsa_cam=16385155838&hsa_grp=130675506941&hsa_ad=583919997040&hsa_src=g&hsa_tgt=kwd-18596451&hsa_kw=free%20online%20courses&hsa_mt=b&hsa_net=adwords&hsa_ver=3&gclid=CjwKCAjwzeqVBhAoEiwAOrEmzeyYbYfrnya_8RTabdvHzK0laaXjRU6KNVUuE_vigyXM6O6zlZ7Y8BoC4xcQAvD_BwE might be worth a look? The range looks decent and it might give you a bit of a boost?

What's your business? Maybe we can think of some things to make it more profitable!

@MuddlerInLaw you don’t sound heartless, you sound practical. And you’re right, too. But just I can’t bring myself to do it. My poor kid has had her father die, her grandparents barely even visit, had no siblings herself (I did try) and both her father and I were only children. The dogs are in a very real way all the family we have, and she adores them. I can’t give up on her. We are getting charity support now, which is helping (although they have some very odd advice. Still, any port in a storm)

Mum and dad are not super well off themselves. They do pay for a lot for DD (school trips and so on) and they did lend me the money for the dog’s vet fees. Which should have been reimbursed by insurance, but the bastards wriggled out of it, so I’m currently unable to pay it back. They’re understandably unwillingly to bankroll me anymore. IF the vet did more investigations and found something, they might have to pay out. The Parents have always been like that. They think you should live your life for yourself, first and foremost, and that you must bear the consequences of your actions.

It all comes back to winding up the business and selling off the assets so I can move on. At least I could draw a line under it and move on, then. I’m so fed up if it.

I’m so grateful for the support and suggestions. I don’t think I’d have made it this far without online support from people I’ve never met. The internet is a truly wonderful place.

Also, are you claiming everything you're entitled to? There's a few different benefit checkers online - might be worth looking into!

@QuestionableMouse yes, euthanasia is on the table. The dog is currently happy enough in herself. She doesn’t seem in pain and still loves her walks. She doesn’t play with our other dog any more, but she’ll play with us a little, and she loves to snuggle. To be pragmatic, there will be a natural limit on how long she can go on like this, and I don’t think it’s going to be very long if nothing else can be done. I’ll see this one through. We have charity support for her now, and that’s a load of my mind (if not my hall floor!!)

Not entitled to anything. I’m in student let’s, so I have property in my name (inherited from my husband when he died). Therefore, nothing. Totally understandable. Student lets have been declining locally for a while, but covid accelerated it hugely. Student let finance is expensive, and not sustainable on family let income. Ergo, business unviable. Need to sell up and start over. It’s not a fast process, though.

Again, I’m so grateful for people to ‘talk’ to about this. I think maybe what I really need is some counselling. The fork-load is ridiculous (it’s always like this though. The universe’s plans for me are unfathomable! I didn’t used to mind, but I’m really tired of this one!)

I did think of hiring out the camper. I sold the bigger one last year and downsized, to free up capital already.

The bloody electric bed has failed last week (stuck down), the windscreen has developed a thwacking great crack in it and the battery was iffy when I tried to use the fridge last week. It would need a hab check too. Again, not hugely expensive, (probably) but something. A gamble, because it might not get hired. Anecdotally, it’s not massively profitable (although it depends when you hire it). I also sorned my car to save on tax and insurance, so there’s a limit to how often I could hire it out without more expense getting the car on the road. I tell you, nothing is ever simple for me! Mum says it’s because I walk a different path, but I’m trying to get off it, I really am!!

I suppose I could get it advertised and cross my fingers that I could get the niggles dealt with if someone paid up. I’m not sure what the cancellation policies are.

'The universe’s plans for me are unfathomable'

Op. I mean this kindly but try a bit of perspective. I'm sorry about your dh , but the rest is fixable. Sell the lets to free up capital, yes it will take time but borrow against the assets if needed. As I and others have said try pro kolin for the dog. 6 months of diarrhoea and multiple night waking is not sustainable or kind for the dog so if the vet can't fix the dog you do need to explain to your dd why pts may be an option.

It is hard to try and regain your mojo. Have you tried online dating? Might give you a bit of a confidence boost.

You sound highly intelligent and creative. Ever thought about writing a book? Something along the lines of 'Wife in the North' by Judith O'Reilly - for some reason, that book sprung to mind when I was reading your post! Love that book.