Friend expecting/encouraging our children to date in the future

[Rp735]

We have one daughter who is 8. Best friends have 2 boys who are similar age. On the account of doing well in our jobs we are wealthier ( not by far) . We never discuss this among us. However, recently my friend has taken to bringing up that we will be able to leave our daughter a good inheritance unlike them. And that their sons will be better off dating/marrying someone like my daughter. She constantly mentions to my daughter how one of her sons loves her. My daughter adores the boys and we like them as friends but this seems to be in bad taste to me. It would be great if this is what the kids want in the future but her behaviour is bizarre. Aibu to think so? What should I do?

Do nothing. She can hope all she wants. Since when did children listen to their parents about who to date?

Such a weird thing for her to say! Yanbu.

We have neighbours two doors down who we've become really friendly with in the last year...progressed to popping in for a cuppa and BBQs etc. It's lovely because we've never really had that kind of friendship with a neighbour before, we all get on really well.

Anyway, their dd is the same ish age as our youngest ds. I've thought to myself how lovely it would be if they got together as teens, got married and had dc, considering how well we get on with them. Thinking future family get together at ds's house would be a blast!

However these are random private thoughts I've had...they're five years old 😂. I wouldn't dream of sharing these thoughts with our neighbours, they'd think I'd lost the plot!

True

When your dds inheritance is mentioned be blunt and say you doubt there will be anything to inherit. Our old age needs to be paid unless you are suggesting we save the cash and off ourselves 😂

Dont you want to encourage your sons to work hard rather than rely on others to fund their live choices. I’d be embarrassed if my dcs grew up to be sponges

Dd probably loves your boys as well, as brothers, cousins whatever.

I think I wouldn't mind as much if it was along the lines of we could continue to meet together. It makes me sad that they only see my dd for the imagined inheritance. She is a really lovely girl who cares a lot for the boys as they are younger.

@ihatethefuckingmuffin I am also worried that this may give dd the idea that there will be something to inherit. She will be quite disappointed in that case.

Your friend is being really weird.

She constantly mentions to my daughter how one of her sons loves her.

Rather than bring it up with weird friend, I’d be talking to my daughter about it.

Just low key, not making it out to be some big thing, but referencing it, and making sure my daughter knows it’s an odd thing for her to be saying, and that nobody gets to pressure her into any sort of situation, and she’s the only one in charge of decisions about her life (well, aside from you while she’s a child).

Just use it as a good opportunity to reinforce boundaries and her having her own agency.

YANBU that's weird. My best friend and I have young children the same age and occasionally joke about how lovely it would be if they married. But, a) our DC don't understand and b) that inheritance comment is way over the line.

@RenegadeMatron such lovely idea. Thanks!

Bit odd but not a massive deal. I don’t think there is anything to do about it unless it is making your dd uncomfortable. Just ignore it.

I think it's really weird and that it is quite a big deal.

No eight year old girl should have to hear a grown woman talking about her getting married.

I would tell her to stop it.

YANBU That's really weird she's a gold digger. I would be keeping my distance. Then if she ask's if she's done anything wrong to offend you just tell her.

I'd say she's 8, it's a bit early to be trying to marry her off and it's more than a bit weird that you're thinking about your son marrying my daughter so he can get his hands on what you assume we'll leave her when we die.

That would freak me out. How disturbing I'd be giving her a wide berth tbh.

Op, you need to nip this in the bud by saying you’d rather not make the children any older than they are by talking about things that aren’t relevant to their stage of life and unlikely to happen anyway.

As for inheritance - just say with a laugh that you don’t believe in inherited wealth and you only plan on leaving funeral costs behind.

Its weird and inappropriate to be talking about and particularly in front of, an 8 year old girl getting married and about another child who 'loves' her

Yes children of that age often make comments about this, so and so at school is my boyfriend and he loves me.... but thats just kids mimicking and playing, it shouldnt be talked about by an adult.

Not sure how to address it though.

Sorry just to add that we had a neighbor who would say things like that about me and her son from the time we were about 8, she even said we were like a little bride and groom when we made our communion. I couldn’t stand it. She made me feel so uncomfortable. Don’t let your daughter be hearing any of this woman’s nonsense. Bloody sicko that she is.

She constantly mentions to my daughter how one of her sons loves her. ask her to stop it as its not appropriate for an 8 year old as you want to start giving her education on relationships soon and it might confuse her.

Oh god I hate this. Any 'ooh little girlfriend' comment is revolting. Do bear in mind that even if they're thick as thieves at 8, by 14, they won't be speaking to one another

Don't fret.

Things will change when they're older.

This is weird. So age-inappropriate and your DD is old enough to feel uncomfortable about it. I would ask your friend to stop and, if she doesn't, see her much less. I think children around that age often need reassurance that it's ok still to be children and play with toys etc. The last thing they need is adults making creepy, weird comments and encouraging them to grow up and mimic 'adult' relationships before they are ready.

Me and my friend often used to joke that my DS her her DD would date because they were inseparable. Needless to say, teen years started to get closer and they were poles apart all of a sudden. How they are when they are younger means naff all. Just ignore your friend OP.

just say that you're in favour of offspring making their own way in life, it's all going to the donkey sanctuary (or other favoured charity).

And that you think it's creepy to sexualise the friendshipd of an 8 year old child.

Our neighbour used to insist that her 2 DS would marry my sister and me when we were in primary school. She had them write us valentines, open doors for us and go on pretend dates. It was very uncomfortable.

Obviously we (the kids) fell out of touch as we got older although our parents are still close. Both her DS married foreign women who live a many hour plane ride away. I wonder whether her weird insistence on them marrying us and continuing to live in the same street with all our parents was part of the reason they made that choice.

I know it can be tempting but I don't like putting expectations to date onto children. I tell my daughter it's important to find the rigth partner, and that will happen as she gets older, but a friend saying things like 'oh they're boyfriend and girlfriend/oh they'll get married one day' I would counter each time with something like 'they're children, they don't date' or something to show that I don't do that with my child.

It's creepy.