Thanks so much to everyone who replied. I wrote the post just before I went to bed and it was wonderful to wake up to your kind and thoughtful replies.
I realised as I went to bed that even if no-one replied, I'd actually set out a set of intentions for making my life a little more positive. I'm not sure if there is a big spiritual step I need to take, but when I woke up, I really did want to maintain the momentum. The idea of being 10% better came to me and I've just been asking myself at each point of the day what that would look like.
So 10% better at breakfast was eating a planned, measured healthy breakfast and trying to slow down and concentrate while I was eating.
10% better clearing away was not leaving anything out on the surfaces. This led to a spontaneous deep clean of the minging toaster, food mixer and that corner of the kitchen with its associated food splashes and general grunge. That ended up being quite a good cleaning session, but the 10% thing allowed me to just do a small part well and not feel overwhelmed or that I had to tackle the whole thing.
10% better with the rest of the morning meant not procrastinating on the main task of the day (baking a gift for a friend's special occasion) and working in a planned, steady "tidy as you go" way - which actually felt so much better than my usual whole kitchen chaos.
I think it's been as simple as - find the next step and do it mindfully and well. I've spent very little time on social media but felt I should stop and update this as your comments were so helpful and it feels like a bit of accountability.
I've achieved much more than 10% more than I would usually on a free morning and I feel quietly positive. I'll report back if anything new emerges, but thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
Magnolia08 FeelMyBicep It's good to know this rang a chord with you. Maybe it's not just me being a self indulgent wanker.
HollowTalk The Stephen Bartlett interview looks really useful, I've had a quick look and will watch the whole thing later.
justabigdisco Really interesting you've had a similar response to massage, it did feel like something happened on a deep physical level.
millytint44 I have worked with a coach before but it's always been more about slogging through tough stuff at work than reaching for my best life, IYSWIM. I am seriously considering whether to have a different crack at it, either with the same person or looking for someone new.
fabicelolly I had a look at Eckhart Toile when he was first published and was quite impatient with it - my first impressions were that it was seemed a bit woo-woo and woolly and I didn't stick at it long enough to find anything useful. But yesterday was quite a woo-woo moment and I might be in a more receptive place now. I'll definitely re-visit him.
Eyesopenwideawake wow, perceptive question! Because actually (and this is not what I meant to post about at all) I was abused as a child and have done a lot of therapy over the years which has really helped me process it, including EMDR a few years ago which was very powerful. And even though that wasn't what I was getting at in this post, it's pretty obvious that it leaves a lifetime legacy of fear and not feeling good enough.
However, I think the momentum at the moment comes from dealing with end of life issues on both sides of the family and having a strong sense of limited time left and not wanting to waste it in a low level food coma, binge-watching crap TV or arguing with strangers on the internet!
Thanks everyone.