Eating out with vegetarians

[Veggieseatingout]

Group of friends - one is vegetarian. Eat out with a group of 4 - 10 people regularly.

Obviously it’s fine most of the time, but we can occasionally go to tapas / dim sum / sharing type places. Usually in these situations I would expect the group to order a few dishes and everyone share but obviously vegetarians can’t eat all the options.

The vegetarian doesn’t want any non veggies to try any of the vegetarian dishes and complained to me afterwards about someone in the group eating some of ‘her’ food.

it’s tricky as obviously she needs to have enough to eat and shouldn’t have to pay an equal share for dishes she can’t eat but equally I don’t think it’s outrageous for people who eat meat to still want to have some of the fries, bravas, vegetables etc.

ABUI to think we should order for the table and divide it between the rest of us and she orders and pays for her dishes separately and make it’s clear she’s order extra xyz just for her?

I think what you've said sounds fair.

If your friend wants the veggie dishes to herself, then it makes sense she pays separately for them.

I think your suggestion is good. I’m a lifelong veggie and this is what i do.

I think the title is a bit misleading. The problem isn't eating out with veggies in general, it's eating out with a possessive weirdo who won't share her food but comes out to sharing places.
YANBU with your solution, sounds like the best idea.

Hi, Veggie here. This is excatly what I would do in a shared meal situation. As you say you just buy your own. That said I would be too bothered if someone wanted to try something that I had ordered, sharing is the point of tapas.

All that said I have been in situations, mostly corporate catered events when I have specified Im a veggie and food has been set aside only for me to get to it and find it all gone because the meat-eaters fancied a change so took the clearly labelled veggie option leaving just curled up dead pig sandwiches. I've been hungry a few times.

I would suggest exactly what you suggested.

I do think it's unfair that she'd have to potentially pay for a 2nd order of fries or vegetables or whatever - so she could end up paying for double what everyone else pays or ends up with a boring meal.

I suppose she has to compromise one way or another though.

I am vegetarian and it's always hard in these situations because meat eaters tend to view the veggie stuff as a side, whereas it's my main. So yeah, by the time 8-9 people have had a spoonful of my veggie dish as an accompaniment to their meat, I've got barely any left.

The solution is absolutely that she gets taken out of the sharing altogether. She orders and pays for what she wants, and nobody eats her food unless she offers. The other 9 people can share, and if they want the veggie stuff, they order it.

It's not unreasonable to ask if she would mind paying for hers and not taking part in the "sharing", as you've correctly identified she can't actually share the other dishes. If I eat out at sharing type places with non vegetarians I will always explain that this is what id like to do. It'll probably end up cheaper for her too.

Yep, I'm another vegetarian and at these places I'd also just order and pay for my own stuff.

But actually it used to make me feel soooooo awkward and attention seeking when I was much younger and sheer, and less assertive, and I used to dread suggesting it..

I’d do exactly what you suggested but can’t see from your post that she would oppose it?

FWIW I think it would be very annoying to have everyone else trying to pinch bits of your dish esp when you can’t have any of theirs and theirs are likely more expensive

@girlmom21 she won’t be paying twice.

she’d only pay for the specific dishes she ordered.

No, she shouldn’t have to be singled out and pay separately, you should just order more of the things that everyone wants like fries ‘for the table’. The meat eaters should make sure enough of them order a few veggie options along with their other choices.

She should order what she specifically wants and make it clear those are her dishes, and eat them herself. Everyone else should order what they want and share. Problem solved.

In that situation I'd probably order a separate veggie meal (if available) such as a pizza or whatever they had.

I'd expect it to be added to the total bill and the bill to be divided between how ever many people were there.

@ShirleyPhallus I can’t see why she would oppose it but I also don’t think it’s fair to expect non veggies to not have any ‘sides’ and a full meal of meat because she sees the dishes as hers. It makes more sense to order more.

for instance, I don’t drink but I don’t think people drinking wine can’t drink ‘my’ water. I just order more.

Yes but if she'd normally have some of a few dishes she'll end up paying more than anyone else.

If there's quite a few of you you could end up all paying for 1.5 dishes and her paying for 2 or 3.

I was at a training course today with a large self service buffet.
My vegan option was eaten by a meat eater who accompanied it with chicken nuggets, cocktail sausages etc.
This happens all the time and while everyone else has eaten I'm waiting for more food to be made for me.
Your Friend needs her own food with protein options.

Well yes, that’s all obvious isn’t it? If she wants fries to herself she orders those and you all order them for the table.

Sorry, I am not sure I understand what the question / issue is here!

It's tricky. I remember doing a huge family meal for 12 including two vegetarians. I went to a lot of trouble and made a pretty impressive vegetarian dish. The meat eaters all got stuck into it and veggie DS was left with just sides.

@ShirleyPhallus the issue is that we order dishes to share in a sharing restaurant (she doesn’t order any specifically for her) and then she gets cross if a non vegetarian has any of the veggie dishes, so she doesn’t want to share.

the question was my suggestion unreasonable (last paragraph of the OP with a ? at the end).

Also could it be that she doesn't want her vegetarian food cross contaminated by utensils used on meat?

If she doesn’t want to share her dishes then clearly what you’ve suggested (that she order her own) won’t be unreasonable

Thank you for explaining the purpose of a question mark

I regularly eat out at a tapas bar with different friends. We always order one dish for ourselves and two ( if there are two of us) or three (if there are three of us) ect for "the table", which we share.

if your veggie friend is still hungry after eating her veggie dish, she should order two small plates for herself, and pay accordingly. But in my experience, veggie meals cost less than meat/ fish dishes do.

It sounds like she’s had the typical vegetarian eating out experience of everyone else eating more of the veggie options than they realise and being left with not enough to fill you up.

Choosing and paying for her own dishes seems a reasonable thing to suggest.