Eating out with vegetarians

[Veggieseatingout]

Group of friends - one is vegetarian. Eat out with a group of 4 - 10 people regularly.

Obviously it’s fine most of the time, but we can occasionally go to tapas / dim sum / sharing type places. Usually in these situations I would expect the group to order a few dishes and everyone share but obviously vegetarians can’t eat all the options.

The vegetarian doesn’t want any non veggies to try any of the vegetarian dishes and complained to me afterwards about someone in the group eating some of ‘her’ food.

it’s tricky as obviously she needs to have enough to eat and shouldn’t have to pay an equal share for dishes she can’t eat but equally I don’t think it’s outrageous for people who eat meat to still want to have some of the fries, bravas, vegetables etc.

ABUI to think we should order for the table and divide it between the rest of us and she orders and pays for her dishes separately and make it’s clear she’s order extra xyz just for her?

To be fair, I can see her point.
If there's 5 of you and 10 sharing plates and only three are veggie, there's way less she can have and she's expected to pay the same share as everyone else.
Plus as others have said, sharing it all is well and good until there's only a tiny bit of veggie food left, you're paying for the same share and leaving hungry.
I think what you've said is fair if there's equal amounts of veggie food as there is food containing meat at the table.

Surely you draw a distinction between sharing dishes (like fries) and the rest?
She can order her ‘own’ veggie dishes and still share rhe actual ‘sharing’ dishes. you could woke out a fair charge, but ot saves her from having to eat too Much of a side meant to share.

Othwerwise yeah own dishes own payment.

The serving staff should have checked if the person had ordered a vegan dish!

Serve the vegetarians first. Give the meat eaters a smaller portion.

But veggie dishes are generally cheaper than meat ones. Is that fair?

Veggie dishes generally cost less than meat dishes though so as a veggie, if you split the costs equally (even assuming you're happy to share), you still end up subsidizing the omnivores.

I’m a veggie and your solution sounds totally fair. It’s really frustrating in situations where only a certain amount of food is available and then the meat eaters help themselves to half the veggie stuff leaving hardly anything for the veggies.

If the meat eaters want some veggie food they order that as well as meat. If the veggie is the only one ordering veggie dishes, the meat eaters can't expect to share it.

I often eat out with friends, including veggies, at sharing restaurants. What we do is ask around before ordering for how many people fancy x - if everyone at the table wants patatas bravas, we order enough for everyone to have some. We might only order one lamb chops because the veggies won't eat it, and they might order an aubergine dish that a couple of people don't fancy. Everyone ends up with portions of the food they wanted. We might knock a few quid off the bill for those who didn't have expensive meat dishes, same way you would if one person didn't drink the wine. It usually comes out in the wash and if someone feels hard done by, they can say and we will listen!

Yes, she can pay for her meal separately.
I've been this person and find that people assume that my meal is a side dish for the table to share.

I've also been at corporate events where the meateaters have eaten the vegetarian's food and had to go without

She needs to order separately like you have suggested. I’m coeliac so I order for me (good because joey doesn’t share food) and I can’t share because I cannot have cross contamination. There’s absolutely never an issue when we eat in sharing places! But I wouldnt expect my friends to pay for some of my food, I buy it myself and they share theirs, it works fine. I next time I would say what you’ve suggested and she would definitely BU to refuse that

That’s how I view things too.
If a group of 5 go out and 1 is a vegetarian I would think 8 meat or fish tapas to share between 4, 2 vegetarian tapas for the individual plus 5 veg sides to share such as bravas, creamed spinach, garlic green beans, fries, bread etc.

As a meat eater I’m going to be so much more aware of this going forward. I don’t think it’s an issue in my friends group, but I may be oblivious about the veggie dishes/sides situation. I can see how it happens

We’re a vegetarian family and I never go along to sharing type places. It’s just not comfortable, because you end up paying more and eating less - you pay extra for the meat dishes that you can’t eat then the veggie dishes are used as ‘sides’ for the meat eaters when it’s all you can eat. So you’ll always end up feeling cheated, like you’ve paid way over the odds to sit there hungry.

Do you need to go for tapas/sharing with this friend? There’s so many restaurants you can go to and order a meal, why not save tapas for friends who share your dietary requirements? Personally I’m not keen on sharing places anyway - I think it’s only good if you’re going with people who like all the same food you like.

But then generally I’m not keen on bill sharing. I like to order and pay for what I eat and drink. Same with drinking. I’ve had so many people try to split a bill including wines etc and I’ve had to say ‘I don’t drink.’ Why would I pay so much extra for you to drink cocktails and wine when I’m sitting here with a coke?

Eating out isn't great if you are a vegetarian. There's usually not much choice and the same dishes tend to be on every menu, and usually cost quite a lot considering the ingredients are probably cheaper.

Sharing can mean cross-contamination of food

I'm another one who doesn't like sharing bills because there is usually a CF

@Kanaloa her and her husband (he’s not veggie) love tapas and they always suggest it.

I personally don’t mind splitting bills even though I don’t drink, I really can’t stand being a big group and people picking out what they ate one by one. As long as people are reasonable, I think it comes out in the wash with good friends.

It depends on the friends. I find with friends it is usually OK but not when it's colleagues

Personally I don’t like splitting bills with drinkers. Seems daft for me to pay the same when someone else is ordering more expensive items. Maybe because we don’t have too much money, I would feel quite resentful paying a lot of money for tomato pasta and a coke while others paid the same for steak dinner and several wines.

But you could just speak. If she asks to go for tapas you could say ‘but it’s a bit awkward with balancing veggie and meat dishes etc. Why don’t we go to xyz instead?’

As a non meat and non seafood eater, I really don't want someone's meaty spoon to have been in the potatoes.

It's too tense to go to a sharing restaurant.

What I find is that I might fancy something like a dahl and a naan bread (or garlic bread and salad or whatever), but others will have meat curry and rice, but if someone says, shall we get naans too, someone else will say 'we can share Kirst's naan' so i have to assert that it is my main not sides

The CF is the one who has lobster and a few sides, and a liqueur brandy on top of the wine, while others are having pasta pomodoro and tap water cos they're not earning much and are driving

And if she's going to get hysterical about others trying 'her' dishes it would be sensible if she also sits seperately too.