To not want my sister to do the same job?

[WanderingWildflower]

I probably am being a dick unreasonable.

My sister is much more academic than I am, but has never really known what she wants to do with her life career wise. I suppose I'm intelligent but not ridiculously so (went to an average uni and got a 2:1, she went to an RG and got a first class degree) and have forged myself a decent career that I love and am good at.

So she has basically just decided that she wants to do the exact same thing and has applied for a graduate scheme which fast tracks you to management level with all the qualifications paid for. She will get it I'm sure. (Already through the first stage)

I don't know why but I feel so bitter about it. I love my job and my family are finally proud of me for something and I feel like I'm about to just become the 'junior' version while she rises to the top. I'd like to rise up through the ranks myself but I have a daughter so my time and money are limited.

I love her and want her to do well, but aibu to just wish it was in another field and not in my exact workplace?

Life is miserable if you always compare yourself to others.
This might be more comparable and close to home, but seriously, use it to your advantage. Use it to motivate yourself, if you want to do that.
Don't be bitter. It's pointless. Is she a nice person? Is this something you could have in common as a positive thing, new things to talk about, new opportunities for you, act as a mentor to her as you have more experience.
This is all about how you chose to deal with it. You chose your reaction and how you think. Don't let this make you resent her.

I hope you get some new ways of looking at this situation from asking here .

I know I would find this difficult too but don't have any answers. Sorry.

Thank you for the response, I appreciate it. I don't want to become bitter at all.

She is a nice person, and as her older sister my heart has broken for her in the past when she's been unsuccessful at job applications and got upset about not knowing what she wants in life. I've always wanted her to do well and my reaction to this has surprised me! I guess I just liked having this thing that was 'mine' as she is better than me at most things (not that I've ever let it bother me before, I've always been happy with my life).

Enjoy your job & build your career.

Your sister is obviously doing the same, but what she will be lucking with her fast track post graduate scheme is REAL experience. And often that is worth more than any fancy paperwork.

I don't agree with pp. I think she's being a bit if a bitch. Why choose the exact same thing as you? If she's so academic, she could choose anything. Has she always been a bit of a limelight/attention stealer from you?

Has she applied to the company you work for? Shitty if so. It's like stepping on your toes.

She may not enjoy the job as much as you do and not follow it through.

just take a step back and let her get on with it. I can see why you’d be upset but there’s not much you can do about it.

I can see why that might be upsetting.

Perhaps you can both agree not to discuss work in advance of her possibly getting the place?

I can understand your frustration and have been in a similar position. There will however always be some people in more fortunate positions than you, and even more in less fortunate positions. You have to force yourself to get over this, otherwise you just hurt you.

You could see it as a compliment. You enjoy what you do, she wants the same.

I also wouldn't be sure she'll definitely rise up the ranks. Yes a graduate scheme will get her a start but often the very academic don't make great managers. Nor does it mean she wants this.

I have a first and was very academic but I like the doing part of my job. I should have the potential to go further but have never applied because above the level I am now it involves managing people and none of the parts I actually enjoy.

You are being overly critical of your own abilities. The workplace isn't about exam results. Perfectionist tendancies can be counter productive at times.

I'd try to treat this just as 'well done you got a job' rather than looking into the imaginary future. I can see why it bothers you but it by no means a certainty it will pan out that way.

I totally understand how you must feel but she may have been inspired by you. I listened to a Philippa Perry podcast about two sisters in a similar situation recently discussing it and one didn’t know how the other felt at all, but when they talked it through it really helped. I also have a friend who applied for a job in her field and because her older sister did a similar job she went nuts about it, said she was stealing her thunder. She has never spoken to her again and it has split their whole family apart.

I am sure your family love you both and are proud of you both for your different strengths, but don’t think of your career as your only defining feature. It may be worth thinking about how to talk to her about it so it doesn’t build resentment but it could be positive as other posters have said - she may well look to you for advice on her journey and maybe that’s a starting point to the conversation.

In my opinion a 2:1 is a decent degree.

I take it you are a junior in the field that your sister is about to join at management level. Will you be working for the same organisation?

You mention you cannot easily advance in this career due to other responsibilities. Is there no on the job training in which you can receive a day/half a day's study leave?

Try not to view it as a competition. There may be tips and expertise you can share with your sister, seeing as you have more experience.

Well done you for finding your place so quickly!

Does she have other areas of her life where you have 'got there first' so to speak?

The most important thing to realise is that despite related, your decisions and successes are totally separate. It's not really any different to a total stranger following the same path. I know that's counter intuitive, but being related to you is totally irrelevant to the situation.

Think about other areas of your life where you differ. Concentrate on those.

I really get this, op. It's can be a challenge to adjust when a sibling seems to emulates another and as an adult you don't get to strop about how unfair it is either.

If the relationship between you both is good and mutually supportive then IME you will find the reality easier to deal with than the concept and hopefully feel there's room for you both to carve out your niches without intruding on each other.

I suspect that, for all her academic success, she envies you (I don't mean ugly jealousy, more wistful envy) your path in life so far.

Would you begrudge it of anyone else?

Thank you for such well chosen words. 👏Although they weren't directed at me, they were exactly what I needed to hear. I've screenshot them for future reference.

I think how you're feeling is completely normal
Sibling rivalry is a thing, its natural for parents and other people to compare siblings even when they try not to, siblings get pigeonholed (the sporty one, the quiet one etc) which is why you are downplaying your academic qualities despite having a good degree, because she has a slightly better one. You are still academic.
Anyway its probably good you've put something on here, because it's hard to say anything in real life that wont make you sound like a spoiled child (but it's MY industry! I did it first!) So I think the only thing you can do is acknowledge that it's natural how you're feeling, yes your sister could have thought about the impact on you a little bit more, but its not worth falling out about. Chances are you will end up in different types of roles or specialisms in different companies. You can always make it a rule at family events that you don't talk about work so that you don't bore everyone else or something so it's not so much in your face

she is older than you and applying for an entry level graduate job- not seeing the success there?

Of all the potential jobs in the world she chose yours and is likely to jump ahead of you straight away. I'd be cross about that too.

“my family are finally proud of me for something”

Ouch - where has that come from?
If your parents made you feel that way, it’s no wonder your sister is getting the fall out (in your head, I know you’re not taking your feelings out on her!)

I'm afraid I don't have any wise words to add, other than I was in a similar situation: I was completely taken aback by the level of hurt and bitterness I felt. We are a good year down the line now and my sister has struggled with her situation and come to me for help and advice. My bitter feelings have vanished and I've found myself feeling protective of her. I think it partly depends how your sister deals with the situation... Is she likely to be sensitive and perhaps seek advice from you? Or is she more likely to want to outdo you?

Comparison in the thief of joy.

And

Don't be a dick.

(She probably worked really super hard for that First).

“I'd like to rise up through the ranks myself but I have a daughter so my time and money are limited.“

Revisit that. You said that you’re good at your job. Your company funds professional qualifications (sounds like something like accounting?) for some people. Ask them about sponsoring you, or if you self-sponsor, perhaps giving you paid study leave. Or perhaps giving you industry exposure to the things you need to study. Make sure your partner is pulling their weight with your child. Use your sister connection to have someone to study with. Invest in yourself - time and finances. Having a child doesn’t stop you from having a career.

I’d also be quietly seething.

Maybe she has always looked up to you, her big sister and admires how settled and content you are in that type of work. She may admire the fact you knew what you wanted and went for it while she dithered not settling to anything. It may be a compliment.