To not want my sister to do the same job?

[WanderingWildflower]

I probably am being a dick unreasonable.

My sister is much more academic than I am, but has never really known what she wants to do with her life career wise. I suppose I'm intelligent but not ridiculously so (went to an average uni and got a 2:1, she went to an RG and got a first class degree) and have forged myself a decent career that I love and am good at.

So she has basically just decided that she wants to do the exact same thing and has applied for a graduate scheme which fast tracks you to management level with all the qualifications paid for. She will get it I'm sure. (Already through the first stage)

I don't know why but I feel so bitter about it. I love my job and my family are finally proud of me for something and I feel like I'm about to just become the 'junior' version while she rises to the top. I'd like to rise up through the ranks myself but I have a daughter so my time and money are limited.

I love her and want her to do well, but aibu to just wish it was in another field and not in my exact workplace?

I probably wouldn’t be too happy about it no.

I’ve not voted as I can see both sides.

This happened to me and my sister.
She had been in a career for years and it was her special thing but then I fell into it accidentally and loved it.

We’re not in the same establishment or work with the same age group. But I went higher as that’s where I wanted to go and she wanted to stay where she was.

I felt sorry for her and we fell out big time over it but we eventually made up and now it’s really nice as we always talk about it and have loads in common.

It's not unreasonable of your sister to choose the same job as you. She almost certainly didn't choose it in order to compete.

But I also think how you're feeling is completely natural. I started a hobby when I was at uni and got quite good at it after a couple of years. It was the first thing that I felt like I was actually good at.

My brother saw I enjoyed it and decided to start too. Despite my 2+ years head start, he quickly got much better at it than me and I had to listen people tell me "oh isn't your brother such a natural! We're so proud of him!" I'm now in my 30s and it still stings a bit when people point out how amazing he is at it. Like you, I'm pleased for him but just wish he could have used his skills for something different to me!

Could it be she's inspired by you and so wants to emulate you?
While you're thinking she's brighter than you, she may just see how well you've done, how proud everyone is of you and hope you can help her achieve that.

I think it's normal to want some spaces that our our own, and work can certainly be that. Is she literally applying to your company, not just your field? If so I think you are quite entitled to say look, it's nice to have time away from family, can you apply some other place.

It's human to want to have your own area of achievement too, but it isn't terribly healthy to allow other people's achievements to cast a shadow on yours. Even if she did rise through the ranks, it wouldn't take away from what you do, and the things you are good at. Staff at mid levels are as important as top levels and bottom levels, companies need everyone to function.

Don't assume she will fly through the ranks though. Being very clever doesn't automatically mean career success. And even if she does well she might well decide it's not for her.

Finally, is your daughter really a valid excuse for not building your career? Or is this the push you need?

Theodore Roosevelt said “comparison is the thief of joy”. It literally steals us away from satisfaction with our own life, providing us with a yard stick on the thing we see as desirable.

Read that again and again because it's true..

Apologies for the late reply, I have actually spent the weekend with my lovely sister!

Thank you for all the constructive responses. I'm glad nobody has made me feel like a horrible person as I've been feeling bad for feeling this way.

It is at my workplace yes. There arent too many opportunities for development outside of these schemes (limited funds) but with a bit of careful planning and prioritising there may be more I can do independently to train. I'm definitely going to look more into it. Hopefully this is the kick up the bum I need!