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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be angry about DH using the word C*NT about DS?

67 replies

DingDong88 · 24/06/2022 11:59

DS is 3 years old. He has the most almighty tantrums. He likes to throw stuff a lot when he doesn't get his own way....generally we are both very firm, calm, measured, tell him no but don't shout.

Recently DH hasn't been able to cope with it very well. He seems to get angrier. Take it all more personally - like our DS is trying to actually upset us. Lots of 'what am I supposed to do? 'give me strength' 'this is f*cking ridiculous' from DH.

I keep saying 'it's not personal. he's only 3. we just need to calm and consistent'

Anyway, last night, DS was refusing to get in the bath. DH storms out bathroom and passes me in the corridor and shouted at me 'Your son is being a right c*nt' (he always says YOUR son when he's angry, he is BOTH of our son btw)

It wasn't to DS. But I was really upset. Told me to leave and calm himself down and it was completely inappropriate and nasty to use that kind of language about our toddler.

He says I'm being too emotional and it was a silly thing to say out of frustration. And then he laughed and said 'he was being a right c*nt' again. I just don't think it's that funny. Especially given his rage wasn't a joke. He really was angry about it

Am I being OTT?

OP posts:

Pippinbird · 26/06/2022 20:39

Geneviev · 26/06/2022 20:38

Here in Scotland its used frequently and doesn’t have the same sting as it can have elsewhere in the UK

only if you don’t have any standards.

I’m a Glaswegian and I can assure you I’d be disgusted if my husband used this word about my child. It simply isn’t a word I use and it’s not a word any of my friends use either.

That’s fine but don’t pretend that it isn’t used more frequently in Scotland

FunDragon · 26/06/2022 20:44

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Although I’d be more upset by him routinely getting sooo angry over normal toddler behaviour than one instance of bad language.

Geneviev · 26/06/2022 20:45

I have absolutely no idea because I don’t know how often it’s used in England comparatively speaking.

but don’t sit there and generalise that it’s more acceptable in Scotland and that the Scots wouldn’t be appalled by that. It’s not true.

Pippinbird · 26/06/2022 20:51

Geneviev · 26/06/2022 20:45

I have absolutely no idea because I don’t know how often it’s used in England comparatively speaking.

but don’t sit there and generalise that it’s more acceptable in Scotland and that the Scots wouldn’t be appalled by that. It’s not true.

Ok Hyacinth 🪣

Babyroobs · 26/06/2022 20:56

Prinnny · 24/06/2022 12:02

Bit extreme, I’ve got a three year old and they can be a right twat but I’d draw the line at calling them a cunt.

Jesus - what's the difference, equally terrible words !!!

Babyroobs · 26/06/2022 20:58

roarfeckingroarr · 26/06/2022 20:16

DP and I will sometimes call our toddler a grunt (grumpy cunt) to each other, but it's meant with love and slight frustration. I don't think there's a problem with using that term (obviously not at the toddler) but losing control and the "your" child bit isn't ok. Having said that, I did tell DP "your baby has had a huge dump in the bath and it's your turn to clean it" tonight,

It's all in how it's said.

Why would anyone use this word about a small child? Bizarre.

Ginger1982 · 26/06/2022 22:21

Pippinbird · 26/06/2022 20:29

Depends where you are in the UK.

Here in Scotland its used frequently and doesn’t have the same sting as it can have elsewhere in the UK. It can also at times be used affectionately. Ricky Gervais tells a story of two on duty police officers meeting him in Edinburgh and one of them telling him ‘aye yer a funny cunt’

I completely understand that this was said in frustration but in Scotland it wouldn’t be automatically be seen as something vulgar and shocking.

If your son heard what he said in anger - he is unreasonable

If your son didn’t hear, I personally wouldn’t be upset about his words as such, more his inability to deal with his sons tantrums and throwing tantrums himself.

I'm Scottish and no-one I know frequently refers to others using that word, nor does it have any less sting unless, as others have pointed out, you have no class or standards.

Pippinbird · 27/06/2022 21:21

Ginger1982 · 26/06/2022 22:21

I'm Scottish and no-one I know frequently refers to others using that word, nor does it have any less sting unless, as others have pointed out, you have no class or standards.

Show quote history

Name change Hyacinth?

Pumperthepumper · 27/06/2022 21:31

I’m also Scottish and while I agree it’s probably used more here, I still think most people would be appalled at calling a child a cunt. Or even saying it in reference to a kid.

LuaDipa · 27/06/2022 21:36

There’s only one cunt in this situation and it isn’t the 3 year old.

Yanbu.

Ginger1982 · 29/06/2022 21:43

@Pippinbird hit a nerve Daisy?

megletthesecond · 29/06/2022 21:50

The "your son" bit is worse IMO.

ilovebagpuss · 29/06/2022 22:20

YANBU it's vile language anyway to direct at a little toddler. Sure we have all had to walk out of a room to calm down or thought some angry thoughts but most people wouldn't use this sort of language in anger or in a "jokey" way about their children.
It probably seems a bit pearl clutchy of me but I couldn't be with a person like that.
Also note worthy that in many cases of child abuse the adults have escalated to pinning adult accusations on little children like " he just hates me and is ruining my fun" or "he knows what he's doing and he's pushing my buttons" etc of little tiny 2 year olds.
If his anger is becoming hate towards his child and feelings of personal offence at his actions it could easily tip over to nasty behaviour towards him.
You will just end up dealing with it all for fear of his temper kicking off.

Eggnoggoanngoanngoann · 29/06/2022 23:12

I honestly thought i was opening a thread about a hormonal teenager. When i read the line about a 3 year old my eyebrows shot up off my forehead. Hes not coping. Its not allright. Its not anyones fault your son is having a meltdown especially not yours (as hes implying with the your son comment) He needs to find better techniques to deal with the stress hes feeling at these moments. UANBU

Pippinbird · 30/06/2022 14:43

Ginger1982 · 29/06/2022 21:43

@Pippinbird hit a nerve Daisy?

Ah so you did name change then

PinkWisteria · 30/06/2022 17:15

YNBU Personally I think it is a horrible word to use about anyone nevermind a three year old child! I wouldn't be impressed by his use of "your son" either.

Ginger1982 · 30/06/2022 20:15

@Pippinbird, no I didn't actually. Completely different poster. I was just reacting to your pointless defensive smear.

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