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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish my husband would take a shower or brush his teeth?

88 replies

babyrocket · 24/06/2022 07:25

My husband's personal hygiene standards are very different to mine. I shower every day and brush my teeth twice a day. He will shower once every two weeks (after I nag him non stop) and brush his teeth about once a week, occasionally more.

He gets annoyed with me for always nagging him to have a shower and brush his teeth. But he smells. I tell him this, not to be mean but to make him aware of a fact: I'm sure if I can smell it, people at his work can too.

He argues that he is a grown man and this is just how he chooses to conduct himself. He says he never showered more than once every two weeks growing up and it always worked for him so I should stop making such a bit deal of it. I argue that keeping up personal hygiene habits is a sign of respect for those around you as well as yourself. Frankly, I just think it's gross. But maybe I shower too much?

AIBU? And I being over bearing by telling a grown adult how often to bathe?

OP posts:
LadyEloise1 · 24/06/2022 08:02

CalistoNoSolo · 24/06/2022 07:40

How on earth did you ever kiss him when you first dated, let alone have sex with him? How did you end up marrying such a revolting specimen?

And this !!!

whatsthpoint · 24/06/2022 08:03

Ugh

SheWoreYellow · 24/06/2022 08:05

Gosh, I consider myself to be on the grubby side but this is a long way from ok for me. I think for people under about fifty, it’s very much the norm to shower every day and brush teeth twice a day. Maybe missing the odd one here and there.

Whitehorsegirl · 24/06/2022 08:08

Why on earth did you decide to marry this man?

He is disgusting and lazy.

You should not have to tell a grown man to be clean...

RoyKentsChestHair · 24/06/2022 08:14

Urgh gross!! My ex only showered when he saw me, so if he was at home for 3 days straight he wouldn’t shave or shower until he was coming over, or sometimes after that. Tbh I have (or HAD before covid 😢) an amazing sense of smell and he never smelled that bad, just a bit of armpit stink, but he would religiously brush his teeth at bedtime (even though he never did them in the morning).

It shows an utter lack of respect for you that he doesn’t want to be clean and smell nice - does he expect you to want sex with him? Because my ex knew I wasn’t going anywhere near him unless he’d showered in the last 12 hours.

durianeater · 24/06/2022 08:15

I'd be out of there, honestly I would.

namechange30455 · 24/06/2022 08:19

Me and my DP both wfh and sometimes go a few days without a shower but TWO WEEKS? That's grim

Dontgetmestarted65 · 24/06/2022 08:20

How did you end up married to him if he's never showered more than twice a month or can count on one hand how many times he's brushed his teeth a month?

I'm pretty against daily showering tbh, I think twice a week is sufficient unless exercising/getting physically dirty. (Like not morally or whatever, you do you, I mean for myself) But he is next level rank! There is no way a person can go two weeks without a shower and not have stinky armpits, greasy hair and i cannot bear to think what his knob looks and smells like!

ItsAlwaysThere · 24/06/2022 08:22

I'm sorry, that's disgusting and I could not live with that.

Ladyof2022 · 24/06/2022 08:22

Pity the OP has not returned to reply to all those asking why on earth she gave him more than one date, let alone courted and got engaged and married him. Surely his lack of hygiene was obvious through that period?

OP if you are having sex with him stop and tell him nookie is off the table permanently until he cleans up his act.

HollowTalk · 24/06/2022 08:23

I really hope this is a troll. I can't bear to think of somebody living with a man like that.

Kittykat93 · 24/06/2022 08:26

I cannot imagine the stench that must come from someone who hasn't brushed their teeth for a week 🤢 honestly fucking revolting.

1dontunderstand · 24/06/2022 08:26

Is this a joke?

Thehop · 24/06/2022 08:27

How are you with him? Vile

SmartCarDriver · 24/06/2022 08:27

Disgusting 🤮

KILM · 24/06/2022 08:28

Sigh.
If he respected you in any way, he wouldnt expect you to live with/have sex with someone who stinks.
Stop having sex with him.
Ask him to sleep in another room/sit on another sofa.
Make him as uncomfortable as he makes you as you've already spoken to him about it and he cant be bothered to change.
Also fairly certain this might put you at risk of infection/uti's if you are having sex with him if he's unwashed everywhere??

ladydoris · 24/06/2022 08:30

He is ill.

TheFormidableMrsC · 24/06/2022 08:30

You surely don't have sex with this disgusting creature?

FlatWhiteLover · 24/06/2022 08:31

My DH only brushes his teeth when he's not on night shifts, drives me up the wall but I can live with it, its only a few days a fortnight and he chews a lot of gum (smoker) so its not like his breath smells.

However, no showering for a fortnight?! that is absolutely rank, I would struggle to share a bed with him, never mind have sex.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 24/06/2022 08:32

No return from the OP! On the off chance this is real, OP, you KNOW this isn’t normal behaviour obviously. Or is this just a ruse to learn more about MNers hygiene habits?

CallOnMe · 24/06/2022 08:38

MNers are sometimes over the top when it comes to hygiene but this is absolutely vile.

Has he been like this the entire time you’ve been married?

I assume you’re not having sex or being intimate in anyway - surely this damaging your relationship?

I would be concerned that this is low mood especially the showering as the first thing that happened is you stop caring and taking care of yourself.
I just can’t imagine why anyone would brush their teeth.

ManateeFair · 24/06/2022 08:40

It’s weird and quite minging for a functioning adult not to shower more than once a fortnight or brush his teeth every day. But presumably this isn’t a new thing? You must have noticed this before you married him, and yet you still went ahead with getting hitched.

And yes, if you can smell him, so can his colleagues. At the very least, if he doesn’t brush his teeth he must have shocking bad breath.

Does he change his clothes, wear deodorant and wash (without showering)?Or are we talking about someone who just festers like a corpse all round?

HollowTalk · 24/06/2022 08:41

FlatWhiteLover · 24/06/2022 08:31

My DH only brushes his teeth when he's not on night shifts, drives me up the wall but I can live with it, its only a few days a fortnight and he chews a lot of gum (smoker) so its not like his breath smells.

However, no showering for a fortnight?! that is absolutely rank, I would struggle to share a bed with him, never mind have sex.

He is going to have terrible trouble with his teeth and gums if he doesn't brush his teeth and he smokes.

AmIbeingTreasonable · 24/06/2022 08:42

IF this is for real it's beyond disgusting! 🤮

Topgub · 24/06/2022 08:44

I'm not sure how it indicates a lack of self respect or that he must be ill. He sounds perfectly happy with his choice

It minging though and I say that as someone who thinks most people are ridiculously ott about this stuff

How did you end up married to him?

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