..to think having a baby destroys your body

[sjxoxo]

Had my first baby about 5 months ago; all fine apart from a few issues with breastfeeding; BUT.. my body is destroyed. Like unrecognisable to me. And I hate it.
Am 5”6. Was 56kgs before pregnancy. Went up to 86kgs during pregnancy. Now stuck at 75kgs and literally find myself repulsive. I’m actually embarrassed to go in and see colleagues tomorrow I feel that hideous…
I knew it would be hard physically but feel really depressed about myself now. Terrible back ache, saggy boobs, everything wobbles; my midriff is literally like something I’ve never seen before! I know a bit about diet and exercise and even with that knowledge I think I’ll never ever physically recover from having a baby. I don’t see how we can ever get our sex life back either. I wasn’t expecting it to be this ugly. AIBU for feeling so so utterly hopeless… did you manage to get your body back and fully recovered/fit again? The parenting bit is fine but I can’t bear the thought of living the rest of my life with this hideous body…. 😞

YANBU, however your body is amazing. It grew your beautiful baby. You are only 5 months after giving birth. You have time for your body to improve, however even if it doesn’t that is ok. Exercise, eating healthy etc will help. You may have some evidence of a post child body after this, however this is nothing to be ashamed of. You are not ugly. And you are still attractive.

..I also had a C section & I don’t even care about the scar. Not bothered by that at all

The body changes are huge, and it needs work to get some sort of normality back. Don't forget it took 9 months to grow a baby, so 9 months+ is completely normal.

try to focus on what bit you are unhappy with and then work on that. E.g. if its your stomach, what exercise etc have you done in the 5 months to focus on your stomach muscles?

I went back to swimming t 8 weeks post partum which has helped massively.

The saggy boobs is o be expected, inveat in some decent bras to hoist them back into place!

You've only just given birth. 5 months is nothing. Be kind to yourself. You're not defined by your weight. Pregnancy and birth is hard. Even when it's straightforward.

This was the one upside of severe morning sickness throughout both pregnancies - zero weight gain. With DD1 I was lighter after she was born than before I got pregnant.

The rest of it, yeah I feel you. Hips are fucked, back is fucked, boobs reach my knees, pelvic floor is a mess, episiotomy healed weird so sex is strange, stretch marks, receding hairline... Yay!

You are not very long on at all from having a baby! It is hard, changes to your body are just one aspect of the loss of autonomy which IMO is one of the hardest things about becoming a parent, particularly a mother.

Thirty kg is a lot to gain and twenty to lose still (if that's what you want) will feel daunting. But when the time is right you will absolutely be able to do it - my children are older now and I recently lost 18kg over six months. I have a shed load of stretch marks that aren't going anywhere but otherwise body is as good as or better than before I had children. Joints are creakier (I'm now 45) but I'm no heavier (67kg and 5'8") and am stronger than I used to be.

It's natural to spiral about these things but please believe me it will be ok!

Also 5 months postpartum and 72kg. Right there with you. Feel repulsive.

Not to depress you further OP...but the post pregnancy body is the gift that keeps on giving! After having both DC I actually lost quite a bit of weight, a combo I think of breastfeeding, mot drinking and walking for miles trying to them to sleep. But seven years on from the birth of my first and I have potential prolapse issues, and my body just feels 'shifted' somehow. I'm always very tired, all the time. That's just kids though!

But five months is nothing and the first year is always the hardest. If you want to try some post natal exercise, I'd really recommend finding a local 'buggy fit' (different franchises will have different names but basically an outdoor fitness class where you work out with others and with your baby in a pram). It was so good for me and made me feel better about my post pregnancy body again. Means you can exercise without needing to leave baby gets a little problematic when they're old enough to want to escape the pram/buggy

Your body really has done an amazing thing, and even though I sometimes miss the figure I used to have, I'm proud of what my body has achieved.

Errrrm. Well. My body after 3 kids is not the same as it was, BUT apart from stretch marks and a bit of loose skin on my stomach I'm actually in better shape than I've ever been now. I run and cycle. Youngest is 5. I've accepted the stretch marks, nothing to be done there. Loose skin, could have a tummy tuck but do I really want surgery?
You can get your body back up to scratch op it will take time. Be kind to yourself and then when you are ready, exercise and get in shape. You will love your body again. Women are amazing for being able to grow human life it's unreal!

Yes I did, not while they were babies though, I have 3, youngest was 5 and had started school before I could have time to myself, I went through a phase of religiously working out at the gym, and carefully monitoring the food I ate. I was proud of my body, better than before kids because I'd worked so hard to tone it. Soon as I stopped though and through lockdown I put a lot of weight on! it's possible but you have to self disciplined.

thanks for your kind words.. it’s so hard. This for me has been the hardest part of becoming a mum. I feel panicked about it and just so hopeless! I have been doing some exercise but feel disheartened as I don’t feel it’s had much of an impact. My GP Has told me to forget the weight loss until I stop all breastfeeding! I am only feeding him a couple of times a day so I thought it would’ve sped up by now but it doesn’t seem to. I feel marginally slimmer than a few weeks ago but literally marginally. x

I felt the same after my first c section, even worse after my second. My youngest is 20 months now and I'm the fittest I've ever been (granted with c section overhang but I think only surgery would sort that and I'm not bothered by it). You're very early days OP, but all is not lost. I started the Joe Wicks 90 day plan when my youngest was around 10 months and I'm back to pre pregnancy weight and much fitter. All is not lost!

it’s actually putting me off having another even though I think I’d quite like to, because I think I physically will never ever recover and even if I’m able to scrape something back after one baby, after a second I think it would be impossible beyond impossible!

Don't be so hard on yourself 🌷
Your body grew and stretched over 9 months, I would think it would take at least as long to feel normal again. Give yourself time.

Give yourself time x

Your body has just done something amazing.

My 2 children are only a year apart, and I spent a good few years as a zombie :-) and not feeling like myself (mentally or physically) but I now feel like I'm in good shape and strong and healthy.

I took up running and lost the weight and toned up. and I feel healthy and strong.

Just be kind to yourself, give it time ... but yes .. think positive - if you want to get healthier / stronger / thinner... its totally achievable x

Oh love, give yourself a break! Just remember it took 9m to get that way, you need to give it at least that, and a lot of hard work to get somewhat back to a you you’re more happy with. It’s not helped by all the celebs (with PT and dieticians and make up artists and expensive clothes) “bounce” back.

literally no one cares but you! And I bet you look fab!!!!

if it helps, my husband and I didn’t have sex for nearly 18m between being pregnant and me feeling ready/awake enough to do so. Came back all of a sudden like horny teens again! It’s been great! Honestly don’t worry about it. Mine returned out of absolute no where with no warning!

xxx

It is such early days. Especially if you had a c-section.

if you really want to get back into the shape you were before, you can do it. Some things could be permanent (hips slightly wider, breast shape etc..) but you can 100% have a fit and healthy body that you like.

the thing your dr said about breastfeeding- not sure what that’s all about! I’ve bf 3 children and lost the baby weight slowly while BF. It uses up loads of calories you know!

as lady above- I’m almost 40 and definitely the fittest and strongest I’ve ever been. Youngest is 2, oldest is a teen. But 5 months is really early days. Be kind to your self.

I had three kids in two years, didn't wreck my body at all.

It was absolutely fucked before that 😂

5 months pp really isn't that long. I would say it was 18 months before I was back to how I was pre pregnancy. If you want to try to loose the weight you've gained try to do it slowly and steadily. Try to going out walking everyday. Try to make good food choices but remember you're going to need fuel to get through the day if you've had no sleep and if your breastfeeding, so if your body is craving a sugar hit to get you through don't deny it! Really your not likely to get to your pre pregnancy size/weight until you are eating and moving in the same ways as you were before. I had a job on my feet all day and then was sat at home most of the time after having my son's so it wasn't until I was back at work and breastfeeding a lot less that my weight went back.

Oh I feel your pain. And not you’re not being daft, it does change your body. But it isn’t for ever if you don’t want it to be. However, you are in the trenches where just being alive and keeping another human alive is a massive effort- and you should be congratulated! Sleep has a huge effect on diet, cravings and ability to exercise. 5 mths is early days and you need to be kind to yourself. I’ve never got back to anything like my pre pregnancy self in under 10 mths.

I’ve had four children and each time I’ve put on 3-4 stone. It does come off, but slowly. My body is also falling apart from a variety of pregnancy/ birth issues ( diasitis recti, prolapse bowel, c-section scars and then there’s the general stuff!) however I’m seeing a physio ( again!) and I do my exercises every day. It’s shit. But I do them and I make progress and I know, eventually ( cos I have with the past three) I’ll get back to me. I swim and go to the gym too- not twatting about- proper sessions.

so it’s not just you. And there is nothing to feel ashamed of or down- you’re a fucking hero making, carrying and birthing a little human and the whole keeping him/ her alive bit is awesome too. But you sound knackered ( and why wouldn’t you be!?) and I think this is clouding your judgement about yourself and the future. It won’t always be like this.

so first things first- get some sleep. See a physio. Do your exercises. Get a fitness routine. And be consistent. And little bit by little bit you’ll get there.
xx

Not meant unkindly, but YABU to be panicking about weight loss and to be disgusted by your body because it's understandably carrying a bit more weight and hasn't just pinged back into shape. Be kind to yourself. There are worse things than putting on a little weight.

My last pregnancy triggered high blood pressure, which I'm still on medication for 14 years later. However, that scared me into (slowly) getting healthier, slimmer and fitter than I had been before I had dc.

You should be kind to yourself. There is so much media pressure to be super Mum, and knock out a fabulous figure two weeks post-partum. The reality for most women is different. I looked like a hippo for two years after my first son, and never thought I would fit in my jeans ever again. Sleep, quality food and gentle walking are the first steps.

Yep kids ruined my body. However I don’t hate it. I’ve always been a bit chunky so the stretch marks and saggy belly doesn’t bother me too much. It’s more the physical side such as joint pain, back ache, chronic bags under the eyes and an episiotomy that makes sex a bit awkward. I’ve had c section and vaginal birth and both wrecked my body in a different way. I’m only just feeling slimmer 11 months after a vaginal birth and I’ve still got a way to go!

I was a teen mum, with a lovely figure. If someone had shown me what having a baby did to your body then i most certainly would have enjoyed that figure for a few years longer before I destroyed it. Now a few more kids and many years later i have learnt to appreciate my amazing body for everything it's done.

Totally understand, not much help at all really but you are not alone. After my first my body was pretty much the same, not a mark on me despite been 8 stone before having her and she was 8.6 and I was HUGE. Second baby has absolutely wrecked me, my body is disgusting but the thing I hate and cannot change is my saggy skin on my belly and will never be able to afford a tummy tuck. Can tell my husband thinks its awful too but I have to remind myself I have got 2 beautiful children who are worth a saggy belly. I've just started going to the gym properly 7 months PP (2 c sections) and am just starting to feel like myself, I csnt change my stomach but its doing wonders for my mental health, I also try do my nails and put tan on when I can makes me feel so much better. Your body is amazing, dont be so hard on yourself. The more time that passes the more I hate my stomach but I'm learning to live with it. I think.. x