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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking 3 year old to fitness class? Selfish partner?

34 replies

piplipo · 23/06/2022 09:33

We have 2 kids 10 and 3.
He never has the kids alone unless I'm at work and that's for 3 hours mornings.
I go to a fitness class at 9 am till 10 am twice a week and that was my hour to myself.
Now my partner has said that is his only chance to go to the gym ..so our 3 year old has to come to the fitness class with me.
It's literally the only break I get.
Aibu to think he is being a bit selfish?
I don't even believe he does anything at the gym.
I just think he can't be bothered
Aibu?

OP posts:
Thevoiceofreasonable · 23/06/2022 09:34

Nah he can take the 3 year old to the gym.

Because that's what he's asking you to do isn't it?

Topgub · 23/06/2022 09:34

Say no?

And start going out more often

You dont need to put up with it.

SoupDragon · 23/06/2022 09:35

I agree, he can just take the 3 year old to the gym. It's just as sensible a suggestion.

Yikesafhutt · 23/06/2022 09:35

Just say no. And get out the door before him so he has no choice but to stay with the child. What a twat, there are 23 other hours in the day he can go to the gym (most are open 24 hours now) so tell him to do one.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/06/2022 09:36

I’d be surprised if a 3 year old would be permitted in either setting, doubt if insurance would cover it.

bumpytrumpy · 23/06/2022 09:36

piplipo · 23/06/2022 09:33

We have 2 kids 10 and 3.
He never has the kids alone unless I'm at work and that's for 3 hours mornings.
I go to a fitness class at 9 am till 10 am twice a week and that was my hour to myself.
Now my partner has said that is his only chance to go to the gym ..so our 3 year old has to come to the fitness class with me.
It's literally the only break I get.
Aibu to think he is being a bit selfish?
I don't even believe he does anything at the gym.
I just think he can't be bothered
Aibu?

Does he work? Does he really have no other chance to go?

NightmareSlashDelightful · 23/06/2022 09:36

Yes, it sounds like he is being selfish/unhelpful.

Also, I'm a personal trainer, and I know that if someone turned up with a three-year-old to a class I was running I wouldn't be able to allow them to take it — it's not safe for the child to be there, or indeed for the other adults in the class.

romany4 · 23/06/2022 09:37

Tell him to get fucked.

and definitely start going out more often...selfish prick

Shoxfordian · 23/06/2022 09:37

It sounds like he’s being quite selfish

Is he usually like that?

NightmareSlashDelightful · 23/06/2022 09:37

And no, he wouldn't be allowed to take a three-year-old to the gym either. Rules are usually no one under 14

Original poster
piplipo · 23/06/2022 09:38

The class allows kids as long as they stay in pram/seat etc
He does work yes but he also has 2 full days off.
I've tried explaining that its the only break I get but he just says I'm being "selfish"

OP posts:
Original poster
piplipo · 23/06/2022 09:38

Oh yeah he's so selfish
Extremely selfish
If it wasn't for the kids we wouldn't be together now
Sounds awful but most days I don't even like him anymore.

OP posts:
Topgub · 23/06/2022 09:39

Then leave.

You aren't doing your kids any favours staying with someone who doesn't want to look after them

ReneBumsWombats · 23/06/2022 09:40

So what's the point? How do the children benefit from this?

gamerchick · 23/06/2022 09:41

Tell him you'll get more time to yourself on his contact days and make plans to split up.

Original poster
piplipo · 23/06/2022 09:41

It's totally financial
I can't afford to pay mortgage etc on my own
I work part time and can't afford everything on my own.
No chance of more hours at work
I've looked into everything...until I can get more hours at work and can support us I'm stuck

OP posts:
Pinkwellies81 · 23/06/2022 09:42

Leave the selfish man-child

Nobheadex · 23/06/2022 09:43

Can’t you bin him and go for maintenance? He’s a stone around your neck

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 23/06/2022 09:45

What does he do with his days off? Is there a reason he can't go to the gym then?

Sharrowgirl · 23/06/2022 09:46

When you say ‘but it’s not the only chance you have to go, you have two days off on which you can go’ what does he say?

ReneBumsWombats · 23/06/2022 09:47

Well, is it so hard to get more hours? Have you factored in maintenance? You'll get free childcare hours for your three year old too.

Go to Citizens Advice and work out how you can do this. It's not impossible. If he died you'd have to find a way.

RandomMess · 23/06/2022 09:48

Just keep on getting your ducks in a row to leave when the time is right.

Perhaps you can start going out in the evenings for a walk or meet with plans. Don't tell him about your plan just announce it on your way out. Same on his 2 days off.

Brefugee · 23/06/2022 09:54

If it wasn't for the kids we wouldn't be together now

a bazillion people are going to tell you that isn't good for the children and i'm one of them. I suggest you start making your plan to leave.

In the meantime don't frame it as "it's the only free time i get" frame it as "we each get gym time my class is fixed so go another time and we'll do the parenting while the other is at the gym/class." because quite clearly your partner doesn't care that you want/need/deserve an hour for yourself.

CallOnMe · 23/06/2022 10:22

What hours do you both do?
Is the gym open until late like some are?

It really depends.
On the face of it the gym is easier to be flexible than the fitness class but it depends on his working hours and whether the gym is still open when he finishes.

timeisnotaline · 23/06/2022 10:27

Don’t explain, don’t negotiate, don’t try and get him to understand because it’s not that he doesn’t get it; he just doesn’t care, just say no and leave.