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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or was this inappropriate?

45 replies

skybluee · 21/06/2022 22:54

When I was having a physiotherapy session I was laying on my front and the physio took a hair band and gathered my hair up and put it into a ponytail without asking me. I felt really uncomfortable with it as it felt kind of intimate and I didn't want him touching my hair or doing anything like that. I don't get why he wouldn't ask. Do you think this is inappropriate (to do that without any warning) or no? Would you be uncomfortable with it?

OP posts:

OppsUpsSide · 21/06/2022 23:00

whether someone else would be uncomfortable or not is neither here nor there as it did make you feel uncomfortable, and that’s ok. As it happens I don’t know how I’d feel, but obviously something about it didn’t sit right with you and that’s not something you should ignore.

Hagiography · 21/06/2022 23:02

He should have asked.

worraliberty · 21/06/2022 23:02

Me? No, they obviously just needed to shove it out of the way.

We're all different though.

HearMePlease · 21/06/2022 23:03

If you were lying on your front then maybe they thought you manoeuvring to tie it up would have been an issue? You would have either have had to sit up, causing you to move, or move your arms in an awkward way.

I don’t think it’s completely intimate or inappropriate from their side in that they deal with people closely, see all sorts of body bits, regularly touch people etc so just moved hair out of the way BUT they absolutely should have asked you ‘is it okay if I just …’ rather than to just do it and I understand from your point of view why it felt that way.

Zagan · 21/06/2022 23:04

Should have asked.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/06/2022 23:04

He should have asked and you should have told him to stop.

Luredbyapomegranate · 21/06/2022 23:05

I think it’s good practice to ask, but given that a physio is touching you anyway, I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s inappropriate.

LicoricePizza · 21/06/2022 23:06

I’ve had that but they said they were doing it as they were doing it. I didn’t see it as inappropriate tbh. Bcos it was in the way. Wasn’t awkward just part of treatment for me.

Original poster

skybluee · 21/06/2022 23:08

^ There wasn't time to tell him not to. I was laying face down and had no idea he was about to do it, before I knew it he had just grabbed my hair and put it into a ponytail. It didn't help that I was in a bikini top, and he also undid that.

I don't go to this physio any more because the collection of things that happened made me feel uncomfortable, in fact that was the last session, but I was just asking because my mum said it was fine and I was being over-sensitive, but I didn't feel fine about it, and he also texted me on my mobile shit like 'don't forget to bring your shorts' which I found intrusive as I don't want texts/contact outside of sessions unless it is necessary. He just acted quite differently to any other physio I've been to (who have all been v professional and never done anything that felt questionable/made me feel uncomfortable).

I think it was the combination of laying face down with my top off and having someone touch my hair like that. Also, I'm gay and I just don't want a man to touch my hair to be honest, it felt invasive and I don't say that lightly.
I guess I know my own answer but I did just wonder what other people though. Maybe for some people it would be totally fine.

OP posts:

Original poster

skybluee · 21/06/2022 23:08

Sorry, that was to 'Aquamarine1029' (the first bit).

OP posts:

hammsalllad · 21/06/2022 23:10

No it wasn't inappropriate. He didn't touch you in an intimate place or do something unnecessary. He needed the hair out of the way for what he needed to do.

It's ok to feel uncomfortable about something, but no I wouldn't say it was inappropriate.

Tinkletwat · 21/06/2022 23:11

I agree he should have asked. I did first aid training a few years back and I remember the instructor specifically mentioning we should always tell someone if we need to move their hair. First aid situations might be more telling than asking but for a physio appointment they should ask.

BatshitBanshee · 21/06/2022 23:13

I think if it's made you uncomfortable then that's enough to deem it inappropriate.

However is it possible that he tied it up as the position you were in would have caused you further pain/discomfort to tie up your hair? Maybe did it without thinking. I don't think I'd be comfortable with it FWIW OP unless it was prefaced by "I'm just going to tie up your hair out of the way".

Original poster

skybluee · 21/06/2022 23:13

I could have easily sat up and tied it back myself if he had just said 'can you tie your hair back' as at that point I had my bikini top on, it wouldn't have been an issue at all. I would've been 1000 times happier with that. It would have taken a few seconds. He undid the back after that. That part did not bother me anywhere near as much as the hair. And thank you for the second response as I've re-read it a few times and it makes a lot of sense to me.

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LicoricePizza · 21/06/2022 23:15

Was he working for himself or part of a practise/service? Only texts I’d get wld be generic professional appt reminders/reminder to come x mins prior to change/or if you need to specifically wear/bring anything necessary for the appointment potentially. I can see if was self employed then maybe he’d be responsible for doing that. But something obviously made you feel uncomfortable so you’re right to trust your gut & go where you feel more comfortable.

EndersGame · 21/06/2022 23:19

We seem to have skipped the part where you said he undid your bikini top. Wasnt that more inappropriate? if you ok with the physio doing that tieing your hair seems the least thing to worry about.

Original poster

skybluee · 21/06/2022 23:20

He works for himself but it was in a building with other health type things like a woman who did botox/fillers and a woman who does holistic therapy. He texted a bit after that but I didn't reply. IDK I could have been completely wrong (easily) but it was like something was pinging off in my head and I didn't feel OK about it at all. So I didn't go back and I felt really relieved tbh!

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Original poster

skybluee · 21/06/2022 23:23

I found him touching my hair way more uncomfortable and it felt more intimate and completely pointless bc I could've very easily done it myself plus my hair is shoulder length so it didn't touch my back or go anywhere near it (it was a back problem). Him untying the bikini back/string seemed to make sense as then he could see my whole back and he didn't touch anything with that. I wore a bikini top as I thought it would feel a lot better than being there in a bra. I genuinley think he needed to do that which is why I was fine with it (plus he warned me before he did it and maybe that was the difference tbh) whereas the hair thing just felt gross if you honestly want to know how I felt about it.

OP posts:

Original poster

skybluee · 21/06/2022 23:26

Cos I think if he had said 'I'll just tie your hair back' I'd have said 'oh, no, it's OK, don't worry, I'll do it' and it would've been fine. Maybe it was the unannounced aspect, idk. It's all a moot point anyway as I'm not going back but basically I was reading the head massage/hairdresser thread and it reminded me of it.

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Sebastianthecoo · 21/06/2022 23:27

I’m really surprised that the majority think YABU. At work I wouldn’t even brush a patients hair without asking them if it was okay. We have to gain consent for any patient care and I would absolutely not be okay with someone else tying my hair up unless it was my hairdresser.

Saracenia · 21/06/2022 23:30

I don’t think it was appropriate at all to do that. I could understand moving hair that might be in the way but I would say something first. Tying it into a ponytail is really out of order and I wouldn’t like a physio of either sex doing that. I don’t think you are being over sensitive at all.
\

Original poster

skybluee · 21/06/2022 23:31

^ Yep I think that's the difference for me. I don't mind him touching my back or anything because that's the whole reason I'm there! Of course a physio has to do that. But touching my hair, I really really didn't want him (or anyone) to touch my hair, i.e. put it into a ponytail for me. I have been to a few surgeons and physios and no one has ever done anything like that. Yes a hairdresser would be totally different as you've gone there to have your hair done and you know they will be touching it.

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Readyforpie · 21/06/2022 23:31

YANBU OP That is all

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/06/2022 23:35

So you don’t mind him touching your body but you don’t like him sticking your hair in a ponytail? Get a grip.

if he was doing physio on your back perhaps he thought it would be uncomfortable for you to do that.

Either way, you should have said something at the time if you didn’t like it.

RippleQueen · 21/06/2022 23:36

At university Physiotherapy students must ask the patient's permission before they touch the patient because consent is vital. If the student doesn't do this in a practical exam they will be failed.
The physiotherapist should definitely have asked for your permission or asked up to tier up your hair yourself.

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