If you organise a pot luck you should actually cook?

[Marleh]

A good friend of ours insisted on doing a pot luck style dinner for the solstice, where you all bring a dish to share. That’s fine, I love tasting different things.

Each of us spent a few hours cooking something the night before or day of. Someone made a fancy cake. Someone made some veggie parcels, someone else made some salads, someone made pasta bake etc etc.

The host? Brought two roundels of cheese and two breadsticks and a packet of crisps. She said oh you know she’s so busy, she was at work from 9am to 3pm, so didn’t have time to cook before dinner at 7pm.

She has done this many times before. AIBU to think if you organise a pot luck dinner, then you should cook?

Many times? Why do you keep going!

If she can't be bothered to cook she should tell people to bring oven pizza nibbles etc and provide wine / dessert

I certainly wouldn't be able to do that, it would give me conniptions but I am known for making far too much food. I do think it's a bit odd of her, but if everyone had enough to eat and enjoyed themselves, then I wouldn't dwell on it.

Is she in fact the head of the pta from the book The Hive

She has done this many times before
Stop agreeing to it then!

Was she hosting? So had to tidy, clean, prep cutlery etc before you come over and clean up after?

I agree with @TheFlis12345 - there's a lot more to hosting than providing the food.
I personally would cook, probably the main dish too, but if this is the way she does it then you either accept it or don't go.

Arrange to meet everyone else before hand. Eat. Turn up with wine.

Drink wine with cheese and crackery things. 🍷 🧀 🍪

@InChocolateWeTrust .. what's this book.. sounds like good summer reading

Well she may not have cooked it but she did bring something to share.

as long as she brought something it doesn't need to be cooked.

Mehh. She's got everyone together and arranged the thing plus provided some basics and the venue. It's a bit cheeky if it was implied that the dishes people bring should be homemade but as long as she isn't taking credit for other people's cooking then what's the harm. Guests could always bring something shop bought and match her culinary efforts? Or maybe she's a crappy cook but enjoys hosting?

Seems fair if she is hosting. Take your turn having it at yours next and let everyone else cook

What a woman 😁

I think the host has the right idea. 😅 Perhaps she could have mentioned to the guests bringing food that it didn't have to be fancy homemade.

When I was little occasionally my family would go to potlucks and bring a big bucket of fried chicken. (Back in the days when kfc was a special treat and not a chicken shop on every corner.) Both of my parents worked full time and no one was mean about it (that I was aware of.) Some of the guests really enjoyed the takeaway instead of yet another casserole.

You can always offer to host the next one and do it your way!

I think that sounds fair. She organised, hosted, tidied before, tidied after. More work than making a salad!

If she's done it before then you know the score. Does anyone else seem annoyed?
Use it to not feel pressure to make something and bring something from the shops?

The trouble with pot lucks is that they can become highly competitive, with as you say OP, people spending hours and ££ on producing complicated dishes, which although lovely, can cause needling when others don't /can't produce similar.

I think the only unreasonableness was you expecting a friend with a track record of keeping things simple, to provide something more fancy & complex. Next time bring along a selection of cold meats from the local supermarket, nicely arranged and garnished. Or go really pot luck and raid the freezer for some weird food combos.

Your contribution was the food. Her contribution was the house and the cleaning thereof.

Agree that as the host and organiser she has already expended significant effort on the event and it was fair enough.

You didn't need to spend hours cooking. You could also have done something simple.

Did she provide drinks? So the hosting bit is a fair amount of work, but its a bit off to not provide any food. I do potlucks a lot and usually do the protein / basic alcohol and everyone else brings the starch, veggies, dessert and apps plus any specific alcohol they like to drink. It works out really well.

I think it's reasonable to have potlucks where it's acceptable to bring something you picked up at the supermarket and potlucks where it's expected to make more of an effort.

Since your friend is hosting and you know she's a pick-something-up-at-the-supermarket type of person, you should have expected it to be that sort of potluck.

I don’t know a soul who would actually act that out in real life, though!

OP - YANBU. Of course she should contribute food.

But why do you keep agreeing and going back if you know she has form?

It does seem a bit odd to suggest and organise a pot luck and then not actually cook anything yourself, but pot luck doesn't mean everything contributed has to be home-cooked. I've been to pot lucks where someone brought a bucket of fried chicken. It was delicious and went very well with the homemade food brought by others. If everyone came with cheese and bread, it would be dull, but that's unlikely to happen. Next time either don't go or suggest everyone say what they'll bring to ensure a good mix of foods.

Is anyone else bothered by her bringing things like cheese?

I love cheese, bread and crisps so it sounds great to me. It also sounds like it would have gone well with the other things on offer.