Can you change your accent / people’s perception of your background?

[Canicani]

I truly feel my career would be more successful if people thought I was ‘posh’, in a nutshell. And probably if I was a man tbh.

I know I should think f them and I know it shouldn’t matter but essentially, it does - in my industry anyway. I love my job and I have worked so hard and don’t want to do anything else.

I’m not looking to convince people I’m aristocratic but I’d like to blend in more.

Any tips? Please don’t tear me to shreds!

You can OP although it may depend on your age. If you speak with an RP accent, people pay attention more readily. If you have a strong regional accent and you plan to work out of region then it might benefit you to work on changing it a bit.

perfectly possible to code switch and move your accent to more neutral but still you. a softer version of your accent.

Yes go for it if you fancy it!

Apparently my MIL had elocution lessons - way before I met H

She's very much 'dahling this and dahling that' - absolutely not the accent of where she was born/brought up - it never occurred to me to question why she spoke like that as my H and siblings all 'speak very proper' too

The regional accent she would have is a far cry from how she speaks now.

I don't have a strong regional accent myself but I'm nowhere near as 'posh' as MIL sounds, I've quite fancied getting some lessons myself 😊

Do you really work somewhere people ask what school you went to @Canicani ?

Yanbu though, unfortunately it's still the way of the world, in much of the UK at least.

Interestingly, I was reading something the other day that said there's been a big increase in people seeking elocution lessons for the same reasons as you've mentioned. For most people, it's either to soften a regional accent or improve their public speaking.

Worth taking a look maybe?

Also, if you work in an area with lots of people from wealthy backgrounds then you can take a look at etiquette courses if you feel they might help. Again, many people use them for a leg up in business or just a confidence boost in different business situations.

Mine changed. I grew up in Birmingham, went to a Russell Group Uni and was asked in the first few days who I'd slept with to get in. I then lived with a bunch of southerners and moved south. Over the years my home accent has disappeared but on the occasional word pops back up.

Sadly my brummie accent was seen as a negative, now people just assume I was privately educated in Birmingham. It shouldn't make a difference but depending on your career annoyingly it does seem to do so!

I changed my rather posh accent slightly, dropping T's and H's and using more slang to fit in at work and it did work, only people worked out my background quite easily and eventually I gave up the changes

I apparently sound very posh and people think I went to private school. I'm not, and I didn't. I spend quite a while teaching English abroad, so had to lose my regional accent to be understood (and tbh naturally lost it once I wasn't hearing it all around me anymore), and I always had good diction and spoke clearly.

I think it probably does help me professionally, yes.

I have a softer version of my (from the colonies) accent that I use around posh people. I never try to pretend I'm something I'm not and I think that's very important - if asked e.g. what school did you go to, where did you grow up, just state it factually and move on, don't be ashamed and don't throw it in their faces like you have a chip on your shoulder. I always find this works well and is accepted.

I used to worry a lot about not having the same cultural references as the people I was talking to. I invested some time into reading/watching/listening/learning about some topics that came up, and now I feel confident enough that I have a general overview. I recommend this as I now feel much more comfortable.

I don't think of it as "trying to ape my betters" but rather, I've found myself in a new group of people who have a common way of speaking, way of understanding the world - why would I NOT want to try to assimilate a bit, earn their trust and prove that I will put in the effort? Different perspective on it...

i think there is a huge difference between accent and dialect.

You can have an accent and wear it with pride and not hide that you are from North, London, Scotland, West Country Wales, Midlands etc

I think the snobbery issues come from 'incorrect use of grammar' rather than accents.

others have said the same - you're more likely to be judged on use of language than the accent used

You can correct your use of language rather than lose your accent - by reducing local colloquialisms and local slang etc - but not trying to sound posh by going all Hyacinth Bouquet which has the opposite effect.

(not saying it is right to judge at all - I dont!)

I’m a solicitor that undertakes a lot of advocacy.

lots of the other advocates I work with speak “normally” then when we are before a Judge put on a fake posh accent.

I’m not ashamed of my accent or where I am from.

I speak clearly, pronounce words correctly and for the most part am grammatically correct.

I will not change and internally eye roll when I hear others doing it.

I'm like @SareBear87 but with Liverpool instead of Birmingham. I speak fluently in a southern accent and anyone who has ever tried to guess has suggested I grew up in the South East. They are very surprised to hear my natural scouse accent.

People are hugely judgemental of Northern regional accents. I've had all kinds of disgusting things said about my upbringing by southerners, suggesting I wouldn't know who my dad is, that I grew up stealing cars etc. even though I actually come from a fairly 'naice' suburb, not even the rougher parts of the city. My friends who came from very dodgy parts of London never got any similar comments. After a while I just got so tired of the horrible remarks so I hid my natural voice, I think it was not long after one of my tutors marked down my presentation because I spoke with an accent.

Knowing the types you are referring to, the best (both in honesty and likely outcome) answer to ‘where did you go to school’? Would be to laugh in an ‘oh my gosh, how funny’ way and say “oh just the local comprehensive” or “[insert school name here] - I don’t suppose you’ve heard of it”

The rationale being that a) the majority will be asking because of their social bubble assumption that ‘everyone’ went to public school and your response hopefully points out that they need to rethink their stereotype, but you’ve done it in a light, smiling manner.

and b) the minority who are asking because they want to embarrass you and sneer at your lack of poshness/privilege won’t get the opportunity because you’re not going to give an embarrassed, mumbled answer.

You don’t need to be an actress to practice a few lines now and again 😁

I think diction matters more than accent. Pronounce words properly without dropping letters and you will be taken more seriously.

I agree with this. Any accent sounds just fine if this is followed. And being articulate with a varied vocabulary, as a pp has said.

If you must change it then elocution lessons (can you get those still) would be your best bet.

It utterly changes people's perception. I had a strong Northern accent and at my posh uni people simply thought I was a dumb Northerner and ignored me.

One of the reasons I love living abroad where people aren't quite so narrow minded.

My friends who came from very dodgy parts of London never got any similar comments.

^

Same here. Rough area, rough comp down South but the 'right' accent. More judgement from people.

Accents can change over time, but also fake ones are really easy to pick up.

I had a sibling go to Cambridge and they came back with a ‘posh’ accent was put on massively.

also career wise I don’t know your age but when you break down the figures young women outperform men while in their 20s with pay. However this starts to slow/fall behind after 32. (Aka it’s having kids which kills the career unfortunately as most women still have to play the maternal role and primary care giver role) it’s at this point that miss promotions and opportunities have to be left behind in order to find something which works around family life.

So if you are young, be you, don’t fake it, and just do your best at work. Don’t fall into the trap of not applying for jobs because you don’t hit all the criteria, look for ones which match your core skills and go for it.

I knew a few people who came back from university with a new accent, as in they lost their old one. My mum said of one of them that it was 'put on' and she disapproved.

@Canicani - for the cultural knowledge stuff, try this for getting an idea of what one 'ought' to know:

www.betterworldbooks.com/product/detail/-9780345391377

For current stuff that 'educated' people are preoccupied with, listen to Radio 4.

Plus classical FM to get an idea of 'music I should know'. Going to the theatre adds another dimension.

But only do any of this if you are truly interested. A confident personality is way more important.

When I first worked I was in sales and I found that my sales rocketed after I neutralised my accent.

I am from the Midlands so I still say bAth and grAss rather than Barth or Grarss, but I dialed down my local accent. Now a lot of people ask where I am from because although I live in the town I was born and bred in, I dont sound local.

It shouldnt be true but I do think that that people make a value judgement based on accent (and yes, based on sex although in sales women can do better with a bit of well judged light flirting, again shouldnt be true but is).

I'm from London where hardly anyone I knew was well spoken, more cockney with a lot of slang than anything. My mum always wanted me to be well spoken and there was real emphasis on pronouncing things correctly.

It's resulted in me being generally well spoken but when I'm with old friends from childhood or when I'm really annoyed then I slip into that accent from my hometown really easily.

At work, if I'm well spoken, some clients seem to think I'm 'posh' or 'privileged' and can't understand their backgrounds which they will point out. I've had to learn to code switch depending on who I'm talking to.

In terms of promotions, in my company, people have thick regional accents from all over the place and it hasn't stopped people progressing to very senior roles. I don't think you should ever need to worry about that or how it will impact networking. If you are in a place where it's holding you back from progressing then you're in the wrong company anyway.

I was born in Yorkshire, but have since lived in North America and Australia. I have a very soft hybrid accent now (which people often interpret as Irish!). Most people seem to think it is a 'good' accent as I often get compliments on it. Sadly, I think I have gone further professionally than I would have with a broad Yorkshire dialect I was raised with.

Having read your update it's not the accent that's the problem. You seem
To be embarrassed by your history. Why? This is a self esteem issue.
You can't change your old school. You can change the fact you've never been to Berlin, go! But why would you want to? I've travelled a bit, but why would I care professionally if someone hadn't?

But I do believe accents can change subtly over time. In fact they should. A strong accent will get softer naturally, if you move to a place with a softer accent. You can hire someone to help with this.

But I think you have bigger issues.

We got picked up by a taxi at Edinburgh Airport. The guy spoke in a Scottish accent. On the way to the hotel after talking about Liverpool where my family are from he told us he was a scouser originally and his accent went from Scottish to scouse more with every Mile on the clock lol. People do it all the time . I'm English and live in Wales and mine changes sometimes depending on who I'm talking to as have been here 30 years. I'd say it's common and no different to a phone voice. I personally prefer people with regional accents. Makes me feel more at ease with them. But what you say is more important than how you say it. Everytime

I grew up and still live in the North. My accent can change a little but is generically sort of Mancunion. I'm really proud of my roots and am quite happy with my accent. I don't really much care for other's opinions. I went to school in the "worst " part of Manchester but it gave me access to "cultural capital " that cities have to offer. My school was state school but offered so much. Don't change yourself OP, carve your identity.

Get in first with the how what where when questions to get the other person doing the talking, and keep control of the conversation that way - then you'll find you really don't have to talk about yourself at all.