Can you change your accent / people’s perception of your background?

[Canicani]

I truly feel my career would be more successful if people thought I was ‘posh’, in a nutshell. And probably if I was a man tbh.

I know I should think f them and I know it shouldn’t matter but essentially, it does - in my industry anyway. I love my job and I have worked so hard and don’t want to do anything else.

I’m not looking to convince people I’m aristocratic but I’d like to blend in more.

Any tips? Please don’t tear me to shreds!

It's definitely worth toning down a regional accent to avoid being judged on it. I can instantly tell who's a nurse and who's a doctor by the way they speak. It's a split second judgement - have never been wrong.
As for cultural capital..that's the failing of the state education system where classics and history were out of fashion (perhaps starting to come in again now). I'm sure there are shortcuts to learning this stuff as I doubt the toffs actually know that much more. Maybe watch some documentaries or read some books on specific things that get mentioned?

The whole idea of 'neutralising' your accent really irritates me - what people mean is adopting a particular SE English accent - not neutral at all, just an accent from a different region to you. The fact it is considered superior in some circles (my job is the same) and that we feel pressured to assimilate in order to get on is cause for further irritation so you have my empathy.

I like the poster above's suggestion - don't aim to be them, you never will be - even if you do perfect their drawling RP, you presumably won't be skiing / yachting / playing polo anytime soon, or suddenly have gone to boarding school. It can be equally grating to be the 'exception to the rule' colleague who gets trotted out as an example of how if you can do it surely so can anyone less fortunate, but it's probably the better of the 2 options.

A colleague has gradually changed/muted her accent over the last two years. Not many people have noticed as it been so gradual but we'd not worked in the same team together since before lockdown, so I noticed, but didn't say anything. She asked one evening though over a glass of wine, if I noticed and I said I had. She told me she'd used www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Rid-Your-Accent-Beginners/dp/B07F19T1QS/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?crid=1QRIQTEZ91M0H&keywords=accent+james&qid=1655836902&sprefix=accent+james%2Caps%2C202&sr=8-3

I don't think this is entirely true. Having moved around the country in adulthood, my accent has naturally got less strong, but definitely isn't SE - my short vowels make it fairly obvious which region I'm from.

It's neutralised enough that a new colleague assumed I was private school educated with a middle class background, and was shocked when she found out I'm from the same city as her, with a compressive school education and with parents who did very similar, working class jobs to hers.

I think drama lessons as a teenager helped with how I come across - even when my accent was stronger, I was confident I could speak clearly and confidently to any size group of people. Something like Toastmasters might help? To be honest, it doesn't feel like my sort of thing, but if public speaking is important to you, it might be worth a look.

While you shouldn’t need to iron out an accent, I can see it might give you confidence to do so. However, I would try to tone down your current accent not adopt a fake posh one. I can hear Rachel Reeves the politician is doing the former, good for her!

The problem is keeping up the pretence, you will inevitably mispronounce or use the wrong vowel sound. It will be exhausting try to keep that up and worrying if someone will question you.

Forcing any change in your voice, you are likely to slip up somewhere. Think Elizabeth Holmes who lowered her voice to sound more authoritative.

Also surely your family will question your new accent and may even feel a little hurt at your rejection of it.

but I just don’t feel accepted

Set your own standard! Be proud. Don't let the rest of the world stand in judgement - to hell with that.

I'm getting visions of Thactcher which is not good.

Yes. Lots of people I work with have changed their accents to be quite a neutral English accent (not quite RP but no regionalism).

I can change my accent if I want to by choice, but I don't because it's who I am.

Tips - learn the shapes people with your desired accent make with their mouths. Is it a narrower air gap or larger, what do their lips do? And also where to they speak from? My Yorkshire accent comes from the bottom middle of my mouth but my posh friends comes from the top front of their mouth

I bloody love regional accents! I have a broad Mackem accent and don't think it's held me back.

I'm a teacher - secondary then FE. Lots of my students have ESoL and struggle a bit at first so I modify some things (I teach maths so my usual pronunciation of 8 is often too harsh etc)

One of my students was chatting to me about accents and dialect last week. He's from Iran and said that everyone he met in Iran sounds the same (not sure if that's the case country wide?) and he loves pointing out the differences between my accent and his Geordie flat mates'

And no wonder people think certain accents don't fit in if everyone's changing theirs when they become successful

I neutralised my accent when I went to a posh uni and got sick of having the piss taken out of me. Years of living abroad and then away from home
means that although it’s recognisable it’s very muted. I really regret it as I feel like I’ve lost a big part of my identity. I wish I’d had the confidence to own it and be proud of it.

The main I got to remember is this , The accent is irrelevant, it’s how you say it , so a local accent spoken clearly , with no rushing speech , with no bad grammar, clear diction , will sound fine .

I’m from the North East , one of my DC can sound very rough Geordie , the others sound what my Geordie DC call posh

now , when she calls the others posh , she’s wrong
, they have a feint North East accent , but they speak properly , have good grammar , they pronounce words properly and they love History and reading which means that they sound intelligent and are very comfortable in the company of so called “posher “ people

They all have SEN , and barely have a GCSE between them , however first impressions mean that the oldest in particular gets upset , as it’s regularly assumed they are a student
Actually she is on benefits and is terribly anxious as can’t work , but the way she speaks means assumptions are made

Its very interesting actually , when the more broad DC say they don’t want to sound posh , they honestly can’t understand what I’m trying to say when explain that nobody wants her to sound posh , but
phrases such as “ I’ve went to the shop “
” who done that “ do not sound good , and I get accused of being a snob when I used to correct her

Any way digress
By all means try and be more refined , but please don’t think an accent makes you lesser , it really doesn’t
You sound fab , stand tall and own it , you are not an imposter and people who speak better , well they just speak differently,
that’s all

Seriously - it's an accent! It's not about being incoherent, using bad grammar, mumbling, shouting or rambling. It's an accent - own it!

Seriously you need to work on your confidence and stop wishing you were someone else. Be proud of what you have achieve and don't let snobs cramp your style.

I was born abroad and I still have a foreign accent. Many people will always look down on me just because of that and never accept me as British.

But I could not care less about what they think.

I find it amusing since my background is: lived in a detached house as a kid, went to private school and then a well known art and design college in London, held senior roles for various companies (not that any of that really matters in the end..it does not automatically make you an interesting or decent human being). I am probably posher than the people who dismiss me will ever be and yet if you have a foreign accent many Brits just look down their nose at you. That's their problem, not mine.

Personally I always treat people with courtesy and don't bother with class. I divide people between the ones I want to hang out with and the assholes I want nothing to do with...

I've poshed myself up just by dropping the slang and adding back in the tt's. Someone asked me if I was from Windsor ( like she was) on holiday the other week < preens > I'm from Dartford 😊

I have in no way become a different person but I have changed my accent from strong East End of London to more RP. I initially did this as I spent a long time in Asia and my accent was hard for others to understand and I noticed that it didn't do me any harm either. You can ever so slightly change over time - and in all honesty I have found it beneficial to my career. Its a small thing when we put so much work into other areas but in my view worth it.

One thing I would say is be upfront about your background. Don’t show embarrassment you didn’t go to public school-say you went to the local school etc. You will find people will be impressed by where you’ve got to without the extra advantages. If you don’t know something, speak up and ask questions. I used to work in an environment with very ivory tower people and didn’t feel at a disadvantage. When I was a teen, I tried every way I could to hide my background (dire poverty at MC grammar) and felt shit all the time. I had to learn to be open about it and was amazed to find it made no difference.
I think having a neutral accent helps and if not, at least clear diction. Look at people as if they’re equal to you. Visit galleries, museums etc and read non fiction if you think you need ‘cultural capital’. I would be surprised if you do-posh people often don’t go to the theatre and read nothing more demanding than Hello.
You have shown you’re talented and hard working to get where you are. Look at Cherie Blair-very humble background but in a posh job. She doesn’t have a public school accent.

I think there are certain stereoptypes associated to accents from certain places and they're so ingrained in society that they're not likely to change. If you feel the need to do it, go for it.
There are people who can help you change you accent. I know sb who had trouble pronouncing certain sounds. It wasn't a physical problem but part of her regional accent, so she went to a speech therapist and now she has a really mainstream accent.
I'm not sure they all do that but even if they don't, they might be able to point you in the right direction. Why not pick one, call and ask if they do that sort of thing?

sure i can do that. some people think i am thick as mince and tell me i sound like an extra from EastEnders, others think i am 'really posh' and was probably born with a silver spoon in my mouth.
I dont care. I was brought up with the class struggle and all kinds of vile snobbery WITHIN MY FAMILY most of it inverted, some of it more standard and all of it bollocks. Anyone who doesnt like the way i speak when i choose to speak it or what i choose to call the room I have my sofa in or what my grandchild calls me can just eff off frankly.
Its so dull.

These days i tend to ham up my well spoken side and slightly exaggerate it as i find it aids understanding. Although i quite enjoy learning a bit of MLE and peppering that in a bit. (that's the new London accent) especially if i am rattled.

God what a depressing thread. OP it’s your colleagues who are ignorant, anyone with manners knows how to make someone else feel comfortable.