To tell my friend that I’m not keen on her baby name?

[AllHailKingLouis]

Friend told me today she has chosen the name Susan for her baby. I don’t like it personally but automatically said “oh, that’s nice”.

she’s just WhatsApp me asking if I really liked the name as she got the feeling that I didn’t (oops, I’m a shit liar).

would I be unreasonable to admit that I don’t? Or should I carry on lying about it? (Which I can do easier via WhatsApp!)

Is she giving birth to a fully formed dinner lady?

But in 40 years time the dinner ladies will be Evie, Ava, Elsie and whatever is fashionable right now.

Susan is probably due a comeback being a very 40s and 50s name.

Tell her, absolutely tell her! For 1 week I was called a truly hideous name, until somone had the balls to tell my mother how hideous it was. I thank the Lord for that person to this day, as she eventually saw sense and changed my name. We're all grateful.

Is Susan that awful a name? it's not like she's suggesting calling her Borisina or Prosecco.

It may be old-fashioned but names do come round again. I think it's fine. I don't much like its diminutives - Sue is boring and Susie is too cute for an adult, but the name itself is a classic, like Sarah, Claire, other names of its era.

In situations like this I go through a mental check list:

1. Does it need to be said?
2. Does it need to be said by me?
3. Does it need to be said now?

I suspect your friend was looking for validation or was feeling uncomfortable with your reaction. Your response depends on what sort of friend you are/friendship you have with her.

Good for you!

What are their names?😂

You don't want to ruin your friendship over this. Just tell her a white lie, apologising if she detected something from your initial reaction but that you had a flashback to someone called Susan who was mean to you as a child. Then go on to say that you are sure that very soon her baby Susan will supplant that memory with much more lovable feelings.

It's the friend ruining things by being so insistent on knowing Op's opinion.

Op gave it already.

Friend realised Op isn't keen on/hates/couldn't care less about the name but is still pushing it.

She needs to know when to stop!

No, you don't tell her you don't like it. It's her baby and it's exciting choosing a name, so go along with the name she has chosen, don't make her feel it's not a good choice. There is no need to gush, just tell her you like it.

For what it's worth, I do like it!

I'm biased, because every Susan I've ever met, I've hated!

I'd never express that to a friend though. Partly because I remember how hurt and disappointed I was, when I shared a name we were strongly considering for our son with my best friend, and she went, "Laurie...? Huh." We've been best friends for 25 years, so I knew straight from her tone that she hated it, and I was gutted.

‘I was surprised to hear that’s what you’d chosen because it’s such an uncommon name these days, but actually I really like it and I’m sure I’ll love it on baby Susan when she’s here.’

Do not tell her you don’t like it.

Margaret and Arthur 😂

My mother in law loved to tell that she didn’t like the name we chose for our daughter. However I am polite enough not to mention that I would never in a million years use the names she chose for her kids. Bloody awful.

I picked a marmite name for dd and done people were very forthright in saying they didn't like it, my nan included. I picked it anyway because I love it. People have to stop being so bloody sensitive about other people's opinions. Especially if they've asked to hear those opinions!
While it would have been the easiest and most socially acceptable thing to lie, it isn't right to ask people what they think and then expect them not to be honest.
Friend should have the courage of her own convictions snd not expect the OP to lie in order to validate her choice.
Id be getting a bit cross now if my mate was sulking because I was rubbish at lying!

I picked a name for DS which was considered old fashioned, and got long faces from people. We were ahead of the curve. It's now in the top ten and it's been forgotten that it ever went out of date.

I am of the generation where Susan, Ann(e), Margaret, Christine and Carol(e) always ran to at least two in your class, so they sound boring to me. They have now gone out of fashion, but will almost certainly be back in ten years time.

🤣🤣 I didn’t even see that! Appropriate though.

Fabulous!

I think your friend put you in an impossible situation.

I suppose we like to think that everyone will love/be amazed by the names we choose for our kids.

As long as she loves it though that's all that matters really!

"Laurie...? Huh." We've been best friends for 25 years, so I knew straight from her tone that she hated it, and I was gutted.

Why did it matter so much though?

(Although I think Laurie is great!)

This sounds exactly like what I’d have responded with tbh. I do think friends want honesty and I definitely agree with others who’ve said that she was probably doubting it herself before she messaged you. Will you do an update when the kid is here? I want to know if she sticks with Susan!

Ha ha. I prefer Margaret and Arthur to Susan (the dinner lady comment made me laugh). Do agree that names go in cycles though and remember hating the sort of names that I now like and vice versa. I have a friend who was going to be called Susan and wishes she was! It’s not a pretentious name though and as PP like the Suzy Quattro vibes. All very personal but agree the name will grow on you if she keeps it (could be pregnancy hormones, there is still a month to go). When pregnant quickly learned not to pay attention to other people’s reactions or ideas about names and later picked off list anyway.

If she asked again just say you don’t dislike it, it’s just not one you would choose yourself but that it’s her baby not yours and if she likes it she shouldn’t care what other people think.

OP you were asked and you answered her.

Honestly if she didn't care about other people's reactions to the name, then she shouldn't ask.

My DC has a pretty unusual name (not dinner lady unusual) and I have received loads of comments when asked the name 'Oh where is that from' (its English!), 'thats an unusual name' (it isn't but it isn't a common name), 'is that short for something?' (it isn't).

If I had asked if people liked it before using it, it would have been because I wasn't sure about using it and I would have appreciated an honest answer. I was happy with the name and still am and don't need other people to validate it.

Your friend should not have put you in the position of giving an opinion unless she wanted your honest response.

Its not a particularly nice name and deep down she knows that.

Susan will come back! Names go in fashion cycles. My grandparents were Elsie and Arthur - both right back in fashion. Other grandP's were Travis and Winifred. I don't think Winifred has made a return yet but it might well do.

I’m not keen on the name I mean yea for an older woman but baby Sue isn’t great but maybe it’s got sentimental reasons? Then again I guess she will be an older lady one day.

I would say like others and say it’s not that I don’t like it, I just haven’t heard a child called Susan for a while.

There's a lot of people in the world who probably don't like your name OP, or told your parents the same thing. Why is has it triggered you so much? It's just a name and, none of your business.

@AllHailKingLouis Please keep your opinion on your friends choice of name to yourself, it is a perfectly normal name after all and classic names are very fashionable these days.
I know of new mothers who have become ill with Postnatal anxiety & depression because of other people's negative opinions on there new babies names, I infact was one of them and it totally ruined the first year of motherhood for me and I couldn't enjoy my baby due to obsessing over there name not being "right". it was an awful time for me all triggered by peoples comments when I was hormonal and very vulnerable after giving birth. My babies name was also perfectly normal and now 10 years later in the top 5 Uk baby names!.