To tell my friend that I’m not keen on her baby name?

[AllHailKingLouis]

Friend told me today she has chosen the name Susan for her baby. I don’t like it personally but automatically said “oh, that’s nice”.

she’s just WhatsApp me asking if I really liked the name as she got the feeling that I didn’t (oops, I’m a shit liar).

would I be unreasonable to admit that I don’t? Or should I carry on lying about it? (Which I can do easier via WhatsApp!)

Hard one. I've never quite forgiven someone for telling me that they thought the name I picked for my son was a "drippy, unoriginal and twatty" name, and I didn't even ask their opinion, so had nothing riding on it.

His name is James, btw.

Susan is a perfectly good name with lots of derivatives and the child won't suffer.

At least she's not calling her something awkward like 'Augusta' or pretentious like 'Talullah' or far fetched like 'Magenta'...

I would lie my fucking arse off.

It's a perfectly nice name, lots of nickname options too, love me a bit of the Susie quattro vibe etc etc.

I wouldn't say anything about her choice of name, she might be offended. Susan, Pamela, Julie, Linda, Mary, Jean, Patricia - all 60's and 70's names, no reason why they shouldn't make a comeback.

Absolutely this!

I'm getting a bit paranoid now that every time I've asked one of my friends a straight question they've just lied to my face 😂

Tbf I never asked anyone for their opinion on the names of my dc's because I didn't want to know if they didn't like it. But if I ask someone for their honest opinion on something then I want their honest opinion, not a lie. And I wouldn't lie to anyone if they asked for my honest opinion either. I mean, I wouldn't be a dick about it, I'd phrase it in the nicest way possible, but I wouldn't lie.

I don’t like some of my friends baby names. They would never know it though!

This is a situation that calls for a white lie.

You can give her your honest opinion, but she will remember that you don’t like the name forever more.

The thing is - a baby name by itself without a baby attached to it is very different from a child/adult who has ‘become’ the name. The name is them - they own it and it owns them, and it’s impossible to imagine them being called anything else.

Susan is a nice, albeit slightly dated name. Which simply means, to this generation of kids, it will be new and fresh sounding.

Your friend’s child will become Susan, and the name will be just right for her because it’s her name.

There is literally nothing to be gained from any of the passive aggressive, ‘it’s not to my taste, but you like it, so that’s all that matters’ (how to say you hate the name without actually saying you hate it!), blatantly transparent suggestions.

‘It’s a great, classic name, and I can’t wait to meet her!’ is all that needs to be said.

Hard to know whether she actually wants to know. (Don't ask her that.) I'd go with the 'unexpected' line. If she really wants to know, tell her. But also tell her it's her choice and names change depending on who has them. Susan's got enough morphing juice in it to wrap around a lovely kid and become something beloved to others. And yeah, good nicknames. It's not to my taste either, but you should see my private nameberry lists, OP. I am ridiculous.

Does anyone else have "My Name Is Not Susan" as an earworm now?

Well, I'm biased because I'm a Suzi! But I think it's a lovely name. And there aren't many of us around, which I really like.

Regardless, your friend should be able to choose the name she wants. You need to say something to convince her that it's fine.

As a teacher I've met many a child with an odd name and a load with names I dislike, but really, after a short while, the child just IS that name and any thoughts on it are generally forgotten. You'll soon forget your dislike of the name.

Friend shouldn't have asked really. It puts the OP in the horrible position of having to lie or risk upsetting her!
I think how you answer depends on the friendship.
There are some people to whom you could be totally honest and it would be okay - they'd either ignore you or re think but they would value your honesty and would only ask you because they truly wanted an honest opinion.
But most people, I think, just want their own opinion validated. So the safest thing is to say a white lie and tell her you were just surprised because you hadn't heard that name for she's and that it's a lovely classic name.

I wonder why it matters to the friend if Op doesn't like it?

Maybe she's unsure & thinking of changing it?

I don't dislike it but I wouldn't choose it!

I like it if they are going to shorten to Suzie- it's cool then!

I wouldn't say anything about her choice of name, she might be offended. Susan, Pamela, Julie, Linda, Mary, Jean, Patricia - all 60's and 70's names, no reason why they shouldn't make a comeback.

It was the no1 name in 1950, so probably due for a comeback in 10 years time. Your friend could just be ahead of the curve!

I am also feeling validated with the number of people who like the nickname Suzi! 😂

It's a bit like asking 'does my bum look big in this' or 'guess how old I am'. Just why? She must have an inkling that it's a bit of a dated name. It's not even like an Edith or Rose, old fashioned but on the right side of being old, if that makes sense.
I think I'd just go with 'it's a nice name - insert smiley face'. Sounds like she's got doubts but that's on her.

Could you be really sneaky and say something like "I really really used to love the name Susan. But when I was 17 I had a friend called Susan. It's a long story, but she met this boy in the year above, after a few weeks they decided to do the deed. She went to his parents place and the plan was to DTD while they were out. He was really drunk before she arrived, they both got undressed, he promptly climbed on, threw up on her tits and then his parents came home early to see Susan lying on the living room floor, naked, covered in vomit and trying to push their now-passed-out son off her. Now every time I hear the name Susan I think of that story, sorry!"

I like Susie (and Suzi, but not quite so much, sorry Suzi), but Susan is just so old fashioned. But then again all names are so personal.

I would want to say, ‘are you giving birth to a 60 year old who is soon to be retiring from her HR job? ’
I would probably say ‘that’s unusual, I’ve taught about 3000 children and have never taught a Susan - very common amongst older staff members though’ and hope she got the hint.

Susan comes from the Persian, meaning Lily Flower - so it has a lovely meaning. I shared a class with four Susans, as it was a really popular name at the time, and it was not a name that any minded as an adult either, as it varies between, Sue, Susan, Susie. If the parents love it, that's what matters.

Outrageous! 😫😂

Re if someone asks for an honest answer, they want one...

That's always been my view but I've come to understand that actually, many people really don't want your opinion. They want you to correctly guess their opinion and parrot it back to them.

I'm actually Susannah and that means lily in Hebrew (Shoshana). I didn't realise similar names meant the same in other languages! (Seems obvious now I've read it, though!)

I think I've personally met 4 other Suzi/Susie/Susan in my life. I like that it's not that common.

It wasn’t old fashioned once (when it was popular), and it won’t be old fashioned again in the future.

My own name was desperately old fashioned when I was born in the 70s.

30+ years later, and it’s been top 10 popular for a while. And I can tell you right now, I way prefer having a name that’s current now, instead of being yet another dated Karen, Joanne, Jennifer, Nicole, Lisa or Claire (no offence to those names, but, they’re dated now, and will be old fashioned soon).

Susan Sarandon
Sue Barker
Suzi Quatro

It's a fantastic name, what's not to love?

I agree!

@AllHailKingLouis this isn’t your baby, and it IS an unusual name compared with the names of now, there’s nothing at all wrong with it

if I were you I’d just say that it wasn’t what you expected, but it’s a super name and she’s not likely to be at school with many/any others with her name, and that’s a good thing!