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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To consider complaining now even though I didn't at the time?

53 replies

Livingtothefull · 20/06/2022 22:20

I took my DS (21) out at the weekend, DS is in a wheelchair and has severe learning difficulties. We went to the town centre where there were lots of restaurants with tables outside as it was a nice day. I took DS to the restaurant he wanted to go to and asked if they had any tables free, they were a bit offhand but eventually said there were tables and led us to one....though didn't seem that they were that pleased at us turning up.

DS & I were seated and looking at the menu. After a couple of minutes a waiter came out and said he was sorry but there were no accessible toilets, I said that was OK, not a problem and we would manage without.

A couple of minutes later they came back and said 'I think it would be better if you got a takeaway rather than a sit down meal, how about if you order that instead of sitting here?'

I then felt that we were really unwelcome & I wanted to go and find someone else. I felt that we weren't the restaurant's preferred demographic for customers and that they didn't want to deal with us; and I wanted to eat at a place they were actually happy to have us as customers. I tried to explain to DS that we needed to go elsewhere, he got upset and didn't want to leave: 'I want to eat here, I don't want to go anywhere else, I want this table not a takeaway'. But eventually I persuaded him to leave & we went elsewhere.

This made me feel just dreadful on my DS behalf and that he had been discriminated against (luckily he didn't understand any of this though he was upset with me at making him leave). I maybe should have made a fuss and complained about the way we were treated but I didn't for the following reasons:

  • I was out for a meal and a nice time with my DS, like everyone was out just wanting to have a nice time. I wasn't looking to have a row or fight with anyone, I was feeling relaxed and enjoying time with my DS, just wanted to do what I had set out to do, have a mellow, relaxed and happy evening out with my DS like everyone around us was having;
  • I didn't want to make a fuss in front of DS as I was worried he was going to get upset. He can have serious meltdowns if things happen around him that he doesn't understand; he could easily have really kicked off & I would have had to deal with that.
I now feel so guilty though, as though I have let my DS down by not taking a stand at the time. My question is: do you think I am justified in complaining about them in an online review? Or do you think IWBU given I didn't make a fuss at the time for the above reasons?
OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 20/06/2022 22:20

Hell yes I'd complain, that's shocking.

HSKAT · 20/06/2022 22:21

Bloody hell. 100% complain, not only on review but to the manager also.
I'm really sorry

bloodywhitecat · 20/06/2022 22:23

That's appalling (but I am not surprised), definitely complain. I am so sorry you experienced this.

420Bruh · 20/06/2022 22:23

Definitely complain, and I think your reasons for not saying anything at the time are perfectly valid. So sorry this happened to you both x

Sapphire387 · 20/06/2022 22:24

Appalling of them, not to mention illegal (Equality Act 2010).

Crankley · 20/06/2022 22:25

That is totally horrendous OP and I'm so sorry for you and your son.

I would definitely complain and if you don't get a massive apology and an invitation to a free lunch or dinner at the restaurant, then I think you should name and shame on Twitter.

If it's a chain restaurant, write to their CEO at herad office. I hope the scummy membners of staff are made to apologise to you both.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. Flowers

thefirstmrsrochester · 20/06/2022 22:25

OP you must complain, what a dreadful way to be treated. I’m so sorry you had to experience this prejudice.

3peassuit · 20/06/2022 22:26

That’s appalling. Complain, name and shame. I would never want to give my custom to a restaurant who had behaved in such a disgusting manner.

11Hawkins · 20/06/2022 22:26

Get on trip advisor right now and complain.

Then ring tomorrow and speak to the manager. Do not let them get away with that disgusting behaviour. How dare they!
Flowers

Crankley · 20/06/2022 22:26

I forgot to add, name and shame them on here too so we can boycott them.

SandieCollins · 20/06/2022 22:27

I’m not normally a name and shame person but I absolutely would be in these circumstances.

I know the grown up thing would be to raise the concern directly first but I don’t think I could be that balanced about it

Testingeyes99 · 20/06/2022 22:27

That is terrible. I'd be complaining now.

I am surprised places and people are still like this!

11Hawkins · 20/06/2022 22:27

Name and shame, hopefully this will blow up and end on daily Mail.

I'm really disgusted. I'm disabled myself with a disabled DC and this discrimination is simply not acceptable in 2022.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 20/06/2022 22:28

I would also complain and never go back there arseholes

Danikm151 · 20/06/2022 22:28

The fact they don’t have an accessible toilet is a big red flag.
discrimination based on disability is just horrendous

Notateacheranymore · 20/06/2022 22:30

Was the restaurant part of a group or an independent?

If the former, make sure that you send a complaint in writing to the location, with an identical hard copy sent to Head Office marked Private and Confidential to the CEO, director, whatever. Have a look for them on Companies House for a named person in charge of the company.

If an independent, I would send a copy of my letter to my local MP, councillor, newspaper and any charities that support disabled people in your area.

Simply sending a complaint won't make much difference without a bit of public traction. The way that you and your son were treated was appalling and illegal, as stated by a PP.

Good luck.

Minimalme · 20/06/2022 22:32

Utter bastards. It makes me so sad for you and your ds, especially because he wanted to eat there.

What the fuck is wrong with some people?

I have a disabled son and we have been discriminated against. The last time we went on holiday to France it happened twice and was horrific.

I wouldn't both complaining to the restaurant because they have proved themselves to be awful. Is there a trip advisor review you could leave?

CuppaTeaAndSammich · 20/06/2022 22:34

That is disgusting behaviour from the staff and I feel heartbroken for you and your DS that they discriminated against him. I would absolutely 100% complain but I think you made a good decision to not make a fuss at that moment so your DS was not upset further. I would ring the place up and complain to the manager. Do you know the names of the staff who were inappropriate? Or could you remember what they look like to describe them?

tootiredtospeak · 20/06/2022 22:36

Totally get why you didnt at the time but complain now. If it's a large chain I would be going on social media to do it.

seven201 · 20/06/2022 22:41

Definitely complain, that's shocking! Letting you know about the toilet seems sensible, but basically asking you to leave. WTF!!! You did wonderfully well to handle it how you did at the time.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 20/06/2022 22:47

Yanbu to complain at all and it wasn’t unreasonable not to complain at the time.

please tell us where it was though so we can avoid the place. X

FlissyPaps · 20/06/2022 22:49

Aw OP this has really saddened me reading this😔

100% complain!!!! Take it up with the general manager or if it is a chain restaurant then complain to their head office.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour from the waiter. & not to mention breaking the Equality Act 2010.
Sounds like the whole place needs an attitude overhall and extra training on Equality & Diversity.

I hope you are both okay and you and your son had a lovely meal elsewhere❤

drpet49 · 20/06/2022 22:52

I’m not normally a name and shame person but I absolutely would be in these circumstances.

^This

gettingolderandgrumpy · 20/06/2022 22:55

Absolutely complain ! I’m so sorry this happened to you honestly I do not get what goes on in peoples head , you and your son had every right to be there.

clpsmum · 20/06/2022 23:00

Complain, name and shame, hit every social media platform they have. Fucking disgusting. Sorry you went through this