Blatant abuse of AIBU

[Strawberries86]

I’m really sorry I’m just really bloody desperate. Night after night of 2.5yr old sacking off going to sleep. Dropped naps, shortened naps, changed nap times. No devises before bed, drugged her (I’m joking, but If I had drugs, I’d try it).

She is tired, she is resisting sleep like she will never wake up.

What the actual fuck do I do? Im knackered, stressed and ready try anything. Legal or not, someone help me get this fucker to sleep.

Added info, never been a bad sleeper, could just put her down and walk away. Then One night 6 months ago, someone must have swapped my child for this beautiful little devil monster.

what sleep training, if any, have tried?

what would you be prepared to try?

3 days of cry it out you can have your life back.....

Have you tried not engaging with her when she gets up? So just straight back to bed?

Really feel for you, sleep is probably the hardest thing being a mum (assume you are a mum!). Can’t find the link but people often share an article to the concept of family bedtime- everyone ready for bed, quiet activities in the bedroom individually and no pressure for sleep or actively putting child to bed. You are ready for bed too, maybe quiet music on, read a book etc and let them do their thing.
Maybe worth a shot so you can at least get the resentment part of losing your evening away.

@WingBingo the only think I can’t do is just walk away and that’s it.

i have moved her very good sleeper older sister of the room, Iv done the inching away, repeatedly putting g her back to bed with no stimulation.

White noise machine.

Iv say on the landing for hours, she literally lasts 5 hours just sobbing even though I was right there in sight of her bed. I’m a horrible person but i thought a few nights of holding strong and nothing. 2 weeks of that and I gave up, I was a wreck.

That made me laugh 😂

Could the lighter nights have anything to do with it? Have you tried a blackout blind?

I have no real advice other than to ride it out. My experience is that finding a solution often takes longer than them growing out of it.

Have you watched the Jo Frost Supernanny "getting them to bed" clips? Sometimes the kids get up 70 or 80 times before staying put. I tried her method on my sleep-resistant two-year-old last month and now he goes DOWN. Which has been transformative.

Things that worked a year ago that have now worn off:
Walking him around late at night in his pushchair (this worked forever and when it stopped working I was bereft of options)
Driving him to the next town and back

Things that never worked:
Keeping him up and hoping he'd "drop off" naturally. The bugger can last until 2am or longer.
Rocking him to sleep
Just putting him in his cot and trying to do controlled crying (CC has worked like a bloody dream with DD though and she sleeps in her cot).

I also have a VTech starlight sounds polar bear (they're £16 in B+M Bargains) which is my "gentle" option and what he uses to self-soothe if he wakes in the night now.

I put mine in my bed, and then just carried them through to their room when it was tome for me to go to bed. Not a good strategy but I was desperate and it worked.

Sorry to add I suppose part of the struggle is her sister, those 2 weeks left her 5 year old sister like a zombie.

when she’s asleep it’s fine but It means I never get time at night for anything and it’s leaving me frazzled.

Nursry and everyone say she’s not ready to drop nap and I don’t think she is, without one before lunch she’s dead on her feet by 3pm.

Does she know what she wants? My son just wanted company I tried everything I turned the lights off (made sure the staircase was shut) hid in my bedroom he went quiet I thought FINALLY HE SLEEPS then a sweaty hand grabbed my ankle I nearly pissed my pants he cuddled my leg and fell asleep

The rabbit who wants to fall asleep on CD was great when I finally found it

Have you tried staying with her/cuddling her while she goes to sleep? I do with both mind (22 months and 5 years) and they both go to sleep within 10-20 mins max.

She might just want connection with you while going to sleep.

Here's a quick example of the Jo Frost method:

But have you tried her not seeing you.

Like Ferber minute thing. It's not for everyone but I reached ridiculous point with mine. Pat pat shussh all night......screaming like you say, awful.

Night night shut door leave. If crying go back three minutes, etc

One night for mine, sleep no problem

Presumably she's over tired and past it. You have to put her to sleep before she looks tired, lie down with her if necessary. Does that work?

All of this screams overtired!
When is nap? Could you move nap a bit later but shorter and then bedtime earlier?
Do you have a strong bedtime routine?
Is she in a bed or a cot?
What does she do when she's not sleeping?
More information will help people help you :)

Stickworm I think that's her point, that she is trying that but its taking hours so she's getting no time for herself of an evening.

OP how is her speech, can she tell you what she wants? Have you tried not saying its bedtime?

Eg
Get a lumie bedbug or similar with sunset function (light gradually dimming down to red).
Put on a calm audiobook and set her up listening to it in bed.
After a couple of mins, tell her you are just going to fold laundry/go to the loo etc but will pop back. Repeat, returning after longer and longer stints out of the room and she will probably just nod off?

@InChocolateWeTrust i can’t see anything that says she stays with her while she goes to sleep? Just that she used to put her down and walk out and that doesn’t work anymore?

pick a strategy and stick to it for at least 2 weeks. otherwise she will get confused and things will get worse.

the supernanny back-to-bed method really does work if you stick to it. the more you can be consistent, the better it works.

We do have a backout blind.

She def doesn’t want me in bed with her! She makes that very clear. She wants me to sit by her bed and wait for her to drop off. Which is absolutely fine, accepts she pisses about for 2 hours plus until she drops off which led to me trying to put a bit of distance, thinking she wanted to play with me and I was actually keeping her awake.

She can absolutely sleep with me, I’m not bothered about that. She just doesn’t want to go to sleep.

My mum said overtired but I just don’t think that’s it. Nursery 2 days a week let her nap whatever she wants and those days are no better.

She wants me close, but not too close, whilst she drives slowly insane. I thought it was a phase where she’s learning lots and her brain won’t turn off. Where is the damn off switch.

I am with her dad and we take turns, she’s a knob with him as well.

Sorry if I’m confusing, yes for months sat right next to her or laying with her, this sends her to sleep quickest but is still 2+ hours. A month ago started trying different strategies. I probably have confused her but somethings I have has to write off so that my eldest could sleep.

Speech and language is delayed.

Sorry it might also be relevant that if she ever wakes up in the night, again 2/3/4 hours to get her back to sleep. Doesn’t happen often but if it does. Done for.

I know she’s not ready to drop naps, but can you cut them shorter?
also work on calm and quiet, dim lighting etc for the last couple of hours before bed. Blackout blind. Fairy lights. Tighten up that routine a bit. Good luck, I’ve been there and it’s no walk in the park!

Mum of 9 and some of mine are ND so literally insomniacs who don't produce enough melatonin. First thing I'd do is drop the nap or cut it right back to no more than 30 minutes before 1pm. In addition make absolutely sure you wake at the same time every day and bed at the same time every day. That way their sleep wake pattern starts to regulate.

Thinking what works for adults - maybe a shit ton of exercise right before whatever her bed time routine is? Not to get her excited, but to make her physically as well as mentally tired.