Blatant abuse of AIBU

[Strawberries86]

I’m really sorry I’m just really bloody desperate. Night after night of 2.5yr old sacking off going to sleep. Dropped naps, shortened naps, changed nap times. No devises before bed, drugged her (I’m joking, but If I had drugs, I’d try it).

She is tired, she is resisting sleep like she will never wake up.

What the actual fuck do I do? Im knackered, stressed and ready try anything. Legal or not, someone help me get this fucker to sleep.

Added info, never been a bad sleeper, could just put her down and walk away. Then One night 6 months ago, someone must have swapped my child for this beautiful little devil monster.

Thanks everyone, I always hate problem saturated, I tried everything posters, so I think I’m going go try the exercise and sticking with an approach for longer. Just got to be more determined than she is.

i limit her naps to 30 mins actually and those days are marginally better. Nursery said she slept an hour today, started bedtime at 7.15 and she’s still going strong. She’s not happy because Iv brought her into bed with me but I’m knackered. Think she has another 30/60 mins in her yet.

I do occasionally fantasise about dropping her off somewhere and driving away but despite the sleep Issues I love every hair on her head!

What worked for me was getting fully into bed with my dc with my pjs on etc. at child bedtime as if I was going to sleep too.

I think Dc was restless because of the thought of missing out on something so fought to stay awake.

Better now at falling asleep but did take 45 mins tonight to settle which is unusual

Iv say on the landing for hours, she literally lasts 5 hours just sobbing even though I was right there in sight of her bed

She's acting up because she's got an audience. She knows you're watching/listening. Put her to bed and leave, don't hover about.

Does nursery have any ideas? If possible I’d genuinely consider a night nanny, even if it’s only for a few nights (no idea how they work). I’ve been at the end of my tether before, tried everything and stuck to it for a few weeks before adapting, and it only seemed to be time that helped and she grew out of it to be an excellent sleeper, which I appreciate doesn’t help you in the short term. Just sending endless sympathy your way because it sounds like a nightmare :(

Don’t leave her to cry. Get in bed with her she’s obviously feeling uneasy about being alone. It’s just a phase

When my boy was 2.5 he was still doing a 2 hour nap during the day. Have you tried going extreme the other way and letting her sleep as long as she wants during the day to rule out cummulative overtiredness? You say nursery let her have an hour...but my boy would have still been overtired on anything less than 90 mins. Also we still use white noise etc. She sounds wired...if she was messing about in bed all happy then maybe she's just not tired but all the crying could be extreme overtiredness (or could just be that she's pissed off of course) but I'd want to rule out overtiedness. Lucy Wolfe book is very good but she advocates sitting on the floor for hours right next to the bed and sounds like you've tried that.

I would say with my baby (14 months) nothing pisses him off more than inching away from the cot or hiding round the corner. He's like either stay and stroke my bum or leave me alone. The whole inching away puts him on high alert and he just watches me and gets angry, but if I stay right by him he relaxes or if I just go he screams for a min and gives up.

You probs know all this and have tried it all. If nothing else good luck. Lack of sleep is fucking horrendous. It's the reason I won't have another child...I just can't face risking more years of no sleep. It drives me round the bloody bend.

People saying leave her to cry are evil. How do you like crying yourself to sleep with nobody there? You're teaching her nobody will come when you need them so you may as well give up/keep your feelings to yourself. Awful. Meet your children's needs, don't ignore them.

@SoloIVFer i think there’s a fine line between leaving a child to cry themselves to sleep and letting them cry in a controlled way, like an approach and retreat method, but given how much OP has clearly tried it probably isn’t fair to be so critical. The child needs to sleep, OP is asking for help, so branding her and others who are trying to help evil isn’t fair.

I used to sit with my daughter going to sleep at a similar age and it took ages. I worked out what motivated her (money!) and every night she did good going to sleep the sleep fairy visited her and left money (e.g a penny) outside her bedroom. Combined with similar to what a previous poster said, i had to pop out for a minute to do some jobs, i told her she would get a kiss when i came back if her head was on the pillow. The first few days i was only out for 30seconds, but gradually increased them. It took a few weeks but worked to the point I could do lights put and leave.

My daughter was like this in that she’d want me to stay with her whilst she fell asleep except it used to take her well over an hour to fall asleep!! We tried reward charts, time in her room on her own at her desk etc or playing hoping she’d get sleepy, and other things I forget now, but what eventually worked for us was/is audiobooks. Something for her to focus on and lull her to sleep without me being in the room. We get them on Audible and she often has the same few over and over and I think she likes the comfort of that. Oh and also we now have two cats, one of whom likes to snooze on her bed at bedtime, so she does have some company 😂

Also @Strawberries86, I’ve just seen you started bedtime at 715, is it possible to bring this earlier? My DD2 has a window of opportunity between 6 and 630 to be put to bed, anything either side of this and she’s a nightmare! She’s younger than your DD so those times are my example.

I Ferberized mine too 😊

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor i just read your post as ‘I febreezed mine too’ and couldn’t understand how spraying them with Cotton Fresh every night would work 😂

My oldest is the same and always has been. If she even naps for 5 minutes she's up til 11pm/midnight then up again at 7am. "She isn't ready to cut the nap" is something I get told alot, but I keep her up all day, give her something sweet like abit of chocolate or cake around 2.30/3pm and it keeps her going til dinner, get her playing outside. Keep her busy. It's working so far. Sometimes I cave and let her have a nap if she's unbearable but it takes days to recover back to no naps. Just cut the nap most days and accept some days she will be up late. Usually on those days I leave her with dad and she watches ipad until she falls asleep. I'm over feeling like an awful parent for that now. I need to sleep and do something on my own for just 20 minutes.

My son was exactly the same. The first few years of his life I was like a zombie because he just wouldn’t sleep. He struggled to get to sleep, to stay asleep - and then he woke up at silly o clock in the morning. He generally met childhood milestones a bit late but was always learly very intelligent so was classed as ‘bright but lazy’ at primary school.

in year 6, he was diagnosed as autistic, with adhd and spd. All of a sudden, those early years of sleep deprivation made sense. ND people often don’t produce melatonin (a natural hormone that tells your body it is time to sleep) naturally.

Some children are very stimulated by just seeing other people, she might be one of those, in which case sitting in the room with her is the worst thing you can do. Try and work out what amps her up…both physically and mentally, and what zones her out physically and mentally. If she falls asleep in the car, try audio books and lights spinning on the ceiling, but dont go near her yourself unless you are putting her back in her bed with no eye contact or talking.

I put a stair gate on mybroddlers room, safety proofed the room and put a night light in. Then didn't get up unless I really needed to check. It worked for me.

Honestly it goes against all the advise but I would chuck her in bed stick on a non stimulating dvd/film and leave her to it
try again inna few weeks give it a break for you both

Nothing worked for us apart from Melatonin but we had to have our dc consultant prescribe it but you may have some luck with more natural remedies, just to try break the pattern. Get yourself to a health shop and get some good advice. Lush sell a "Sleepy' lotion that I've heard sometimes works. It's worth a try. Good luck, i remember the how hellish this was for us.

I was an insomniac - my whole life. My Mum when i was little used to put on a story book (I had one of those old Fisher price cassette players).

Early 30s I came across audible and it cured me. I'm asleep within 10 minutes every night.

So I also vote try audible!

To the pp with the penny story - that's so sweet! I'm banking that one if my DD turns out to be a 'keeps getting out of bed' type!

This is true. It is not popular, but it is true.

As someone who still has to lie on the bedroom floor of my five year old of an evening (while she pisses about and refuses to go to sleep) i am afraid I cannot help you.

Other than to say sort it out before you also become someone who lies on the floor of your SCHOOL AGED CHILD

and breathe

Also. Both of my girls dropped their naps at 18 months. Oh, the battles I had with the nursery over that. But I was right.

Story cd worked for my 2

<wee hug>

This is really tough. Many mothers bear the scars of this bit of parenting.

I suggest working out what works for you. How much sleep do you NEED? What is your limit so you can parent well in the day?

Work backwards from there.

You need what you need, and she needs you, so you can give her what she needs by TAKING what you need as a priority.

<another wee hug>