AIBU to accept that I'm average and not rail against it?

[AcceptanceNotEsteem]

Or should I keep trying to be a better version of myself until retirement.

What does it even mean?
I don't have a degree and I'm in my 50s. The job I have now is secure and there is the possibility of going up a grade but I've been unsuccessful in that attempt three times.

I have some strong friendships but they don't know each other so it's not like I'm part of a strong group. They all have better jobs and are mostly married (Happily) I don't compare myself to them in a way that makes me resentful, far from it. It's just like a constant yardstick.

I took my driving test about 4 times. I eventually passed. It was really hard and expensive. I spent so much money and now I still go everywhere on the bus which according to some mumsnet-ters is a disability to be ashamed of. But I feel like a lot of the normal things that people take for granted are harder for me.

When I try to think of my achievements I'm really struggling and I come up stuff that isn't BAD rather than stuff that is GOOD. Like I'm not a gambler, I'm not in debt, I don't drink, not addicted to anything, not unemployed. The only things I can find to make me proud of myself are the failings I don't have.

I can't think of anything that is really definitely an achievement that I could really lay claim to. But I'm content. I honestly am content. I just keep draining myself trying hard and getting nowhere. I want to just accept my average level of achievement.

If you're truly content with your life then that's great, that's more than a lot of people can say. Not everyone, or even a majority of people, are destined for great things, most of us (myself included) live a fairly ordinary life and that's fine.

There’s a lot to be said for being content. What is it they say, comparison is the thief of joy? I knkw you say you don’t compare but it seems it’s on your mind? I get a lot of pleasure from simple things, a new book, nice coffee, walking the dog. Having a secure job and having your health (.¿) is more than a lot of people. We don’t all have to be high achievers.

by all means if there’s something you really think would improve your life then seek it out, whether that’s chasing the promotion, widening your circle of friends, having a relationship (if you don’t already). But don’t feel you have to.

Being content is wonderful - enjoy every moment. Many troubled people would love to be average.. and content!

Well for a start passing your driving test after 4 times is definitely an achievement - it took me the same number and by the 4th time my confidence was at rock bottom. I went for the fourth test anyway - itself an achievement (not giving up) - and passed. It took another 8 years for me to start driving a car and then another 3 to feel comfortable driving.

It sounds like you feel a bit stuck in a rut. Maybe set yourself some small achievable goals, e.g. a language or art course, or an Open Uni degree, or even signing up to a car club and practice driving a bit on weekends? I continued taking lessons after I passed and would really recommend it. It meant I could focus on driving rather than trying to pass a test.

Goodness, being content is a MASSIVE achievement! Half the religions and mindful courses in the world are all about that. Super well done.
you have a secure job..incredible tick, have the chance to aim higher..tick. Maybe there is something subconsciously holding you back? Maybe it’s not for you.
you have a strong group of diverse friends. Wow. You entertain and are loyal to strong women friends. Wow. You pursue a path of independence. Wow. You have the single minded determination to pursue and achieve a goal. Wow. You choose to zag while others zig ( and use public transport, a massive wow) wow. Just wow. I don’t think you can accept being average, beacause you are so obviously not average. You are incredible. 😀💐

I think we often get 'success' confused with 'happiness'. You can absolutely have both but it is perfectly possible to be content without having ticked all of the societal boxes of success : happily married, 2.3 children, professional with promotions every 3 years, homeowner etc.

If you generally feel content you are very lucky imho

And also, how about an attitude shift?

You are not a gambler, a drinker, a spendthrift.

You are : grateful, satisfied, healthy, comfortable

Many, many successful people indulge in these negative behaviours simply because they're unhappy and trying to fill some void/ deal with some trauma. These behaviours are then a symptom of their unhappiness, no matter what their Instagram tells you

You are in your 50s. You have tried - promotions, driving - got where you need to and now feel content.

What more striving is there to do? I am at the same age and feel like all the hard work should be behind me. I am planing and preparing to downshift over the next 5-10 years.

Important thing is you are content. You don't want to feel like there is unfinished business.

Google absurdism

Don't aggregate your life now as if you're at the end of it. You're potentially only half way through.

That life script you've written for yourself needs to last another 4-5 series.

Time to get writing some new plot lines

I think if you can be content in yourself and not compare youself to other people that is a massive achievement.

Maybe stop thinking of the failures you don't have and rephrase them?

You're not in debt - you have good money management
You're not an addict - you have a healthy relationship with alcohol
You're not unemployed - you are a responsible worker
You don't gamble - you're good at avoiding risk

Being content is the ultimate goal all the aspirational high achievers seek! The Buddha was happy just sitting under a tree with a begging bowl. He didn't need worldly achievements.

You have a job you enjoy, friends, financial stability and happiness!

Also, you did actually pass that driving test, so money well spent. Shows you have tenacity. I am your age and still can't drive.

But if there is a tiny part of you that feels dissatisfied at your own acceptance of you rlot in life, why not make a bucket list? It doesn;t have to be high-achieving impressive stuff, just things you've always wangted to do or try or learn. Tick some off each month. That gives an incredible sense of achievement.

You sound fine to me OP. Being content is a wonderful thing. Please don't compare yourself to others, just continue being happy as you are.

I forgot to say - think of how many people aspire to be like the Buddha - multi-billion pound industries based on trying to help people feel as you do - happy with their simple lot in life.

I always say that I want to bring up my kids to learn how to be content so for me that's a massive achievement. Withoit contentment what's the point of achieving anything else. The whole point of our achievements I guess is t make ourselves content. You are already there.

I like this story about contentment with what you have.

The Fisherman And The Businessman by Paulo Coelho

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.
As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.
The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, “How long does it take you to catch so many fish?”
The fisherman replied, “Oh, just a short while.”
“Then why don’t you stay longer at sea and catch even more?” The businessman was astonished.
“This is enough to feed my whole family,” the fisherman said.
The businessman then asked, “So, what do you do for the rest of the day?”
The fisherman replied, “Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night.”

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
“I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches.”

The fisherman continues, “And after that?”
The businessman laughs heartily, “After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich.”
The fisherman asks, “And after that?”
The businessman says, “After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!”
The fisherman was puzzled, “Isn’t that what I am doing now?”

Is there anything you'd really love to do? Learn Italian? Bass guitar? Go to Machu Picchu? Learn to do a cartwheel?

I don't think there's anything wrong with being average but you can be average and still have goals and achievements. I personally need those to keep going, but then I've got ADHD and a dopamine deficit. I'd die of boredom if all I did was go to work and come home and watch TV.

Sounds pretty good to me but if it bothers you find something you can really be accomplished at. This is the reason why people take up hobbies like gardening and baking. Having the best garden on the street or being the person who can always be relied on to bring a fantastic cake to a get together is what makes us feel really good about ourselves. Another option is to volunteer. That is worth every second of your time and would mark you out as exceptional.

Sorry but that fisherman story misses the mark. It should have ended with :

"then you can get your kids to go to college or give them any opportunities you would not otherwise have. You can buy your own home and be sure to never be in the street. You can afford decent healthcare and an early retirement to spend more time with your grandkids."

But that situation is different from OP's, this is a story about a man choosing not to take an opportunity given to him on a golden platter, not about someone doing their best and achieving an average result.

Anyway, OP, being average is totally okay. What matters is being happy. It doesn't mean you will achieve all your goals or afford all the opportunities you want ; but it means you've done what you can and you know to look at what you have rather than what you have not.

Think about all these celebrities - you'd think they must be happy after achieving so much, right ? Yet how many do drugs, are alcoholic, etc ?

Being content is good enough.

Content is winning life's lottery. Especially when you see on here what some women go through. Content is the aim. Xxxxx

Contentment is my goal in life. I'm getting there. If you already are OP, then I agree with PPs, that's a huge achievement in and of itself. I'd be pretty proud of that.

It also sounds like you are determined, and self aware. Trying to be a better version of yourself doesn't mean you have to get a promotion, or start driving everywhere. It's very personal. Is there something you want to achieve because you WANT to? Not because you think you should. Personally, I would like to get my house more organised so my life is calmer, go see more live music, create a nice garden, and eventually get a camper van. Climbing the ranks at work is NOT a goal for me.

So many great (and kind!) comments here. Thank you. I'm working my way through them.

It's so true that society gives us a list of boxes to tick and nobody puts ''content'' on that list really. Success is supposed to mean happiness.

Sometimes, it's not that I feel like a failure, it's more like I get a flash of seeing myself through society's eyes and it differs from the much more personal and more understanding lens I see myself through. And that unsettles me a little but also I know it shouldn't matter.

I am definitely going to take the advice to flip the list of things that I'm not to skills I have, eg, from thinking I'm ''not in debt'' to GOOD WITH MONEY.

And I'm not addicted to anything to HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD AND ALCOHOL.

This actually makes me feel a bit ''proud'' while I type it, lol.

Contentment is underrated. People are so busy trying to be everything that they miss the reason for wanting to be anything - so you can feel happy. You already feel happy so you’re doing pretty good by anyone’s standards. Some of the world’s highest achievers can never achieve the sense of contentment you have.

I love the story of the fisherman and the business man with the phd.

For me, the 'fish' might be yoga, and fiddling about with bits of clay, or the sewing machine, in an amateur way!