To feel this shaken up by my daughter being sick?

[emetophobicmum]

I am severely emetophobic. This is embedded in awful trauma memories for me from childhood.

My toddler DD has just vomited all over the kitchen floor - I froze and DH sprung into action and helped her, then lay kitchen towel over it and told me to go upstairs and he would bath her and clean the floor. I'm currently sitting in my bedroom shaking and crying. I'm a fucking useless mother. If I'd been alone with her I'd have had to cope somehow, so what the fuck is wrong with me?! I literally froze and couldn't get my breath, just started shaking and sobbing, whilst my poor baby vomited everywhere. 😭

Please someone tell me I'm not alone with this awful phobia. How can I be a good mum like this? 😓

Precisely. One therapy does not fit everyone.

One of the things Rob Kelly says on the Thrive programme is that there is evidence exposure therapy IS supposed to help, but not many emetophobes want to do it. His approach is changing the beliefs around sickness, rather than exposing yourself to it.

Yes. My therapist said similar about just challenging beliefs instead. The "C" part of CBT.

No Op, you’re not a bad mum, but you have a debilitating phobia which makes it impossible for you to fulfill a key part of being a loving mum - being there for your kid when she is unwell. You mist get help to fix this - exposure therapy may not be the avenue for you so you must try all other options available to you, no matter how much money you have to spend or how difficult it is. And I am sure you will, and that is what makes you a GOOD mum. Good luck!

My oh had a driving phobia, speed, big roads, dual carriageways and motorways. It’s all ptsd from his childhood and marriage. It all came to a head when he couldn’t even be a passenger. That was the line. That was the last straw. It would mean no holidays no nothing and it was too muchZ anxiety tightens it’s grip unless you push back.

he saw someone who specialised in ptsd and he was taken driving, he was terrified, but there was a lead up to it and he managed to fix it.

He still gets nervous on motorways as a passenger, but it’s functioning and putting him back in his routine of going to and from work has really helped him

you CAN challenge this, push yourself and the gradual exposure will help you work towards getting control back in your life

I’m agoraphobic and I get the fear you have, you can get past this.

you’re not a bad mum. Far from it

(((hug)))

Thank you x

The Thrive programme sounds perfect for you then!

@Marvellousmadness

What a kind and considered post 😳

Do you have any phobias ? Are you happy to teter over the edge of a cliff?

Happy to let a huge spider run over your body

Kiss and caress a snake

Lay in a tight dark space for hours

It's a uncontrollable response.

I've also done the Thrive program with a consultant (even met Rob Kelly himself, and he said I was the most extreme case he'd ever seen 😳).

I wouldn't say I'm cured by any stretch, but it's definitely given me tools to cope, as well as understanding about my personality type which illustrates why I think (obsess) like I do, and again, tools to change the way I think.

Emetophobia is, unfortunately, not the same as other phobias, e.g., arachnophobia, as there's a strong control element associated with it. If I see a spider, I can move away from it, change rooms, etc., if I or someone else is going to be sick, there's pretty much nothing I or the other person can do about it, as it's an involuntary action.

I totally understand, OP, and do strongly recommend Thrive. Good luck!

I've been emetophobic since before anyone even knew that was the word for it! My mother joked that it was called "vomiphobia", but she never truly admitted that she was phobic herself until she developed Alzheimers in later life and became more disinhibited. When I was sick as a child I was usually alone because she found it disgusting and wouldn't comfort me, my earliest memory was waking up vomiting at 4.

I was never brave enough to be pregnant/have children so you're a better woman than I OP. It has got a bit better over the years, but I've also had CBT, hypnotherapy, talking therapy, psychotherapy etc. I remember being so desperate to be rid of it as a teenager, to just be "normal" and not bolt from the room when someone mentioned not feeling well, or be unable to go out for dinner, or eat anything other than plain pasta or mashed potato, or examine the faces of everyone who walked past me to see if they looked pale.

When I tried therapy I was open-minded, willing to speak about anything, to delve back into all my worst memories and describe my worst fears to "Get to the bottom of it."

But when one particular counsellor said she had a patient with a condition that meant she vomited up fluid pretty much every hour, with all the sound effects, and that she'd take an audio and then a video recording to play to me as part of my exposure therapy, I said absolutely fucking not and flounced out. What are you, insane?! Who wants to hear/see that, phobic or not?! 🤣 🤣

I was 18, in my defence. I'm 50 now, I'm not as bad as I once was but I still get very down and depressed when people bang on and on about the horrors of noro in winter and I loathe Christmas for that reason.

Ah it will take more than that to make you a bad mother! Not sure what type of therapy is available for this but would be a good idea to look into it. My kids are teens now but I can count on one hand how many times they’ve actually thrown up so try not to worry about it.

i don’t agree that the phobia always passes onto children. Neither of my teens have an issue with it at all.

DH isn’t great with blood-again, neither child has an issue with it.

@Biscuitsandpizza

Absolutely agree with your post.

Going to school for an emet is like walking around with someone holding A gun to your head I'm proud of anyone that continues to live a life with this hold over them.

Fear of vomiting is entirely natural. It's the body telling us to steer clear of someone who is ill/ingested something toxic, to avoid being made ill ourselves. At its most basic, we percieve vomit as dangerous.
Knowing this was actually really helpful to me because it enabled me to talk myself down. 'Even if it does make you ill, it won't kill you. You're fine'
My phobia lessened through exposure and is manageable now, but I relate very much to your post OP.
If it helps, my adult DC didn't realise I had it at all until comparatively recently. Though they do remember me once becoming hysterical about 'pink chicken' and not wanting them to go on spinning things at fairs.

I was similar to you the first time DC1 was sick. Passed out and had to lie in another room while DH dealt with sick and DC1. The first time DC2 puked everywhere I was on my own. You do just deal with it because you have to - I found myself most concerned about making sure DC1 was reassured (he was frightened) and I didn’t notice the smell. To be honest, I find it less helpful now if DH is here because it allows the anxiety to come back again. My main worry is not knowing when it’s going to happen and others catching it and so I have made a plan in my head around what to do, put buckets in their rooms, etc.

I do find that having certain equipment to hand really helps-I always have plenty of rubber gloves, one upstairs and one downstairs for easy grabbing if someone’s feeling ill, and cleaning spray. I can deal with the situation much better once my rubber gloves are on, it’s like wearing armour for me. 🤣

You have a phobia.

The whole point of phobias is they are an unconscious reaction.

I'd look into hypnotherapy if you have the financial means.

I'm also glad DH took over and was calm and caring towards you and recognises it's something out of your control.

@StarCrushedPineapple I once had therapy where the therapist advised me to make myself sick by drinking saltwater. I didn’t do it or even attempt it funnily enough.

Ive heard about the Thrive programme, does it really work?

You're not a bad mother at all. Phobias are all consuming and we can't rationalise our way out of them.
I have a horrible phobia of spiders and when my daughter was a baby, I was changing her on the changing station in her room and a spider ran across the floor. I ran back, towards the door and left my baby on the change station.
I stood in the doorway and shouted for DH to help (which he did, very quickly) but all I could think was, my DD could easily fall of the change station so I need to grab her....but I physically couldn't move because the spider was in between us and I was frozen.
I always felt like the worst mum in the world for that.

How are you feeling today @emetophobicmum ?