Would I be rude to say to manager “just give me a straight answer?”

[Hearfreedomcalling]

I’ve posted before but it’s got worse and I find myself finding it hard to sleep now. I’ve been in my new job a couple of months now and it’s the kind of work where each project I’m on can be completely different. It’s also a new career and one I’ve no experience in.

I’ll come across something I’ve never ever done before and done as much as I can on it independently before I say to my manager can you guide me with next steps. But instead of telling me he will say “what do you think?” - and I have no clue because I’ve done what I can (I’d never ask without at least attempting to do something) and he still won’t give me a straight answer. I get a politician answer where I’m still so confused at what I’m doing.

I’ve been in tears at work over this (privately in the bathroom). The work is piling up, I have multiple people asking me to do things I have no idea how to do.

How do I say - please just give me a straight answer because I’m at the point of walking out.

"I really do appreciate the way you're trying to teach me. I love that you understand that it is really important for me to think, show initiative and discuss things with you, not just sit there waiting for instructions. But, having said that, I am new to this job and industry and in these early months especially I think it would be useful if you could more often just tell me exactly what to do so that I can do it efficiently for the benefit of the whole company!"

Are you sure your manager knows what to do? The “what do you think” response used repeatedly when you are clearly asking for help suggests they don’t know either.

Sometimes I think he doesn’t but we do the same job (he’s not a people manger) but obviously his is a higher level/more responsibility.

But also I really couldn’t say because my knowledge/experience isn’t advanced enough to say.

It’s just shit because I’ve spent all weekend feeling sick at going back to work.

(thanks GCRich I loved that response)

As you say, you’ve posted this before.
Twice this month, and in both cases you disappeared without answering questions. Why didn’t you bounce one of those threads, answer the questions, and seek more advice?

“kind of work where each project I’m on can be completely different.”

You’re explaining yourself why you are being asked what you think - not just being told what to do. They can’t tell you what to do if every project is different.

You were told before that without examples, no-one knows if your manager is shit, or you’re in a job that you’re not suited to.

There are people who do not do as much as they can before seeking help - potentially your manager is more used to deeling with these people.

Could you explain to him politely that you only seek advice when you've already exhausted your own resources and so need solid answers in order to move forward, rather than guidance?

I had a manager like this. I soon realised it's because he didn't know the answer and knew I'd figure it out as I wanted to progress but would also make him look good. Annoying as hell

You could avoid saying, “how do I do this?” and saying, “can you walk me through how you would do this?”

But again, it depends on the nature of the work whether that’s possible.

If you’re asked to print copies of all customer invoices from May, then there’s a limit to how far asking you to think about it is useful, before they have to say, “you need to click here and here to get to the screen that says “Print Billing Document” then select the date range and click go.”

But you’re being asked for an opinion on how to deal with invoice queries… then it’s legitimate to ask you to think.

Is he having to provide the same answer to you repeatedly? Or take you through the same process to find the answer repeatedly.

I ask this because I have managed people who fail to take notes or try to find the right answer, instead defaulting to asking me for everything.

Generally projects are all different in subject area and stakeholders but similar in structure and role of the PM.

Next time just say "I think you should tell me how to do it because I don't know how".
He's an unhelpful arse.

“Sometimes I think he doesn’t but we do the same job (he’s not a people manger) but obviously his is a higher level/more responsibility.”

What do you mean, he isn’t a people manager? Do you just mean he doesn’t seem to be good at managing people? Is he actually your line manager, or the more senior person in the team who has been asked to train you? I have trained a lot of people and rarely been their direct line manager - it’s more often an outgoing position holder (leaving, move, promotion) who does the training, or the most senior person in the team where you all have the same line manager.

If he’s not actually your line manager, you might be caught up in some politics here about someone objecting to having to train you… which you should discuss with your actual manager.

Don’t speak to me as if you are superior: it’s an Internet forum where no one is obligated to do anything. I don’t have to answer questions and neither does anyone have to respond. Please do not feel that you can dictate what can and cannot be posted on a forum that you have no more right to use than anyone else.

Can you not just answer "I don't know, this is totally unfamiliar to me and I don't want to do it wrong, that's why I'm asking you"?

“I don’t have to answer questions”

But don’t you think that if you’re asking for advice, or whether YABU, it would be helpful to do so?

Are you in a role where you need to be proactive, creative and solve problems?

I'll be honest, I use this response to people who have no self-confidence and to people who use 0 common sense (they're two very different types of people).

I’d consider someone a people manager where their sole job is to manage people and don’t do the same working role as them.

He’s my manage. I report to him. We do the same job but he has more responsibility/higher spend/bigger projects.

You don’t have to answer questions, no, but can you at least see that some of the questions people are asking might get you more helpful answers?
And I assume you'd like answers, hence posting.

I would class myself as a support function in a large business where I will contract with outside clients and internal too (I’m not a solicitor). So there does come some being proactive, creative expectations in the role etc

But I think to get to that level you need a solid foundation to understand the basic process/policies of a job.

Would I be rude to say to manager “just give me a straight answer?”

@Hearfreedomcalling what do you think?

I am answering though?

I think you really need an honest and open conversation about how inexperienced you are and how little knowledge you have. I don't mean that nastily but it sounds like you're just genuinely not at a stage where you can competently do your job.

I think I’m about to have a nervous breakdown and don’t enjoy any aspect of my life anymore. That I’m still wide awake at 5am because I’m filled with dread of doing a job I can’t do.

Yes, I think you would be rude to do so.

No I know you’re not being nasty and you’re right. It has to happen tomorrow as I can’t cope for much longer.

Any decent company will handhold you through it and train you up to standard. They knew your experience when they hired you. Good luck x

I’m a people manager (your definition of a people manager is incorrect).

This is a technique I consciously choose with my line reports to help them grow and develop in their roles, especially in areas where they have development needs. It’s not the only technique I use.

I want them to learn by thinking for themselves and coming up with options, theories, potential choices, and suggesting ways forward. I also want them to tell me if the way we’re approaching their development isn’t working for them. However, if they said they want me to give them the answers - always, every time - I have to be honest, I’d be wondering if they were in the right role.

It’s clear that you’re frustrated. But someone further upthread gave a very good response and you jumped on them. It might be worth reflecting on whether some of the friction in the relationship with your manager is coming from whether you have unrealistic expectations or from how you yourself interact with them.