To think some people have it all?

[Feelingcrappy1]

Career, kids, good marriage, happiness?

I would love to have all these at the same time.

Career, kids, functional marriage - yes

but they aren’t going to be happy all the time, no one is

and a good marriage often means functional rather than good good, especially with small kids

also, it can be very tiring

Don’t even go there OP. I have a couple of (multi hundred+) millionaire and billionaire friends, so you can imagine what my Insta looks like when I’m sat on my lunch hour scrolling 🤣 thankfully they’re all pretty normal sane individuals who I have a lot in common with. I’d say aside from the finances and the freedoms and luxuries that offers them, I don’t particularly think they have it all or any more than I do.

Change that should say 🙄

If you are only early 30s you can get your career back, presumably ?

Yes, they do. I do. I'm very, very lucky. Not to say I don't have bad days, or days where I am unhappy but overall I am extremely fortunate. Some of it is hard work, but it largely down to luck.

And I never post on social media!

There's no need to have all the things on the list. You just need the 4th. People might have everything but happiness, or nothing but happiness, and unless you're in their head, you can't know for sure.

I think some people are genuinely made happy by little things. I have happy marriage, had a great career until I chose to retire early, nice holiday home in France, successful and thoughtful adult children, couple of little grandkids, no major money worries. My sister has virtually none of those things in her life, she has had a hard life, yet she often sends me a WhatsApp of some baby ducklings or wild flowers she sees on her walk and she tells me it has made her so happy. I sometimes envy her happy disposition.

Your good health and that of your immediate family is an essential component, without that you really cannot have it all.

Statistically speaking, when kids are young and you’re having to juggle, its normal for happiness to take a dip. It’s a rewarding but stressful time. But for a lot of us, things improve with age.

I have all of those except the children - which frankly, I think is probably the main reason I have such success in the other three! Kids do tend to balls everything up a bit.

I know lots of people who have all 4.
And a fair few more where they don’t have one or two of marriage, children, career - but don’t care to have them.
That’s your list of 4, not everyone’s.

Being happy with what you have is having it all imo

I have all of those. I am happy, content.

However I had a physically and emotionally abusive first husband. I had years of poverty where I couldn't afford to get to either of my 2 jobs so walked around 8 miles a day between them. I've spent time in a psychiatric hospital. I can only have 1 child.

And my mum died when I was 2.

I don't believe that anyone truly 'has it all'. And if by some miracle they do, u suspect they wouldn't appreciate it,

Is it possible that people make these things happen for themselves? Granted there’s chance involved in conceiving kids, but you’re in control of your marriage, career and consequent happiness.

Until about a month ago I had all four, for the first time in my entire life. On paper I still do, everyone who looks at me believes I really do have it all. But I don’t. I recently discovered something completely life changing that I haven’t told a soul but my husband. And it struck me that it really is all an illusion. If my ‘perfect life’ is a sham, many, many others’ must be too. It’s completely changes the way I see things.

Margaret Thatcher had a very important job ( regardless of your opinion of her) .She had a happy marriage. She had enormous regrets over missing out on so much time with her children.

Comparison is the their of joy. Most people would look at my life and think, happy marriage, stable income, nice house, 2 kids. They have no idea of the absolute shit we are going through.

Theif

To be honest many people I know have career, kids, marriage and are generally happy. But you can never be complacent, especially about kids and a career. So there's always something to worry about. I remember a while after our second arrived I thought things were just perfect. Then DH, out of the blue, came within a whisker of dying, and I blundered into the biggest fuck up of my professional life....

I feel like I have it all and I'm a stay at home mum. Its what you feel personally about your own life that matters. Not what Susan down the road has.

Yes would be lovely to have a career but at this stage in my life I'm happy (and very lucky) with what I've got.

I think it’s hard to keep all those plates spinning. I’ve mostly been very happy with my life. There have been bad patches (I’m stuck in a particular doozy at the moment) but that’s (real) life. It’ll come good again. I also don’t think they’re all necessary. I’ve been very content as a married couple with no children. And later as a single parent. I’ve had a professional career and enjoyed it, but stepped out to focus on family and also been happy with that. Later, I expect to have greater focus away from my child as she becomes more independent. There’s no recipe for happiness. It’s completely fine if you want all of those things, or none. But it’s not a given that they and only they will make you happy.

My happiest period of life so far has been without marriage or a career on the go. The flexibility really suited me.

It's true. Some people do have it all. However, no-one has it all all of the time. Having said that wealthy people tend to 'have it all' more than others - I genuinely don't buy into the whole 'I can only afford to eat half a baked potato and 4 baked beans but I'm happy with my lot'. Money is crucial to happiness.

Have kids with a sensible, kind man.

Take work opportunities when they arise. Be open to other ideas, side businesses etc.

Pay into a pension.

Currently out of those I have kids. That's it. I'm 33 and living with my parents and my 2 children.

Have some PP's have said, yes, some people do have it all OP, for about 5 minutes, then something shit happens in their life that they have no control over and they don't have it all anymore, such is life.