Page 3 | DD doesn't want to do Swimming gala or Maths tuition group

UndertheCedartree · 2022-06-18T14:21:17+00:00

Background DD had Covid at Christmas and has since had Long Covid. She has had a lot of time off school and has been doing shorter days. She has just started doing the full day again. As well as the physical symptoms the Long Covid has left her very anxious and depressed. She used to be a glass half full type but now she is always focusing on the negatives, like when I ask about school she always moans about the things she dislikes where as before she would tell me about the positives of that day. She is in Y5. DD really doesn't like her school swimming lessons. The main reasons being they make them stand around the outside of the outdoor pool and she gets cold and also that she hates being rushed to get dressed. There is a Swimming Gala coming up next week which due to Covid is her first one. She really doesn't want to do it. Mainly I think due to the fear of the unknown. The second issue is she has been put in a Maths tuition group for DC that are close but not meeting age expected goals. This takes place over the Computing lesson (which only happens once a week) which she loves. She doesn't want to do the tuition group as she doesn't want to miss Computing. The tuition group involves them using a Maths computer programme with a couple of people to facilitate - as far as I am aware they don't actually teach them that is all done by the programme. She was actually quite excited to show me the programme at home and worked on it for a bit. They don't have to do any at home but can if they want. So what would you do? I just feel like I'm constantly having to speak to her teacher about issues. Do I just keep her off on Swimming Gala day? Or contact her teacher about it? Should I ask to just work on the Maths at home? I'm exhausted with it all and just wish I could have my happy girl back.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 18/06/2022 17:27

steppemum · 18/06/2022 17:09

I'm a teacher.
I completely disagree with everythign Dahlly says in this case.
The first reply nailed it, due to long vocid, she has just returned to full days. Pace her, take it easy don't over do it, she needs to pace through the next 6 weeks, then summer holidays and hopefully more back to normal for Sept.

Miss the gala, it would be courtesy to tell school. She won't be there, she isn't well enough. I would be astonished if the school was surprised in this case.

Maths is harder, I would chat to teacher and ask if she can do it at home as she is so keen on computing. Then put in the effort at home to really do it.
I would alos tell dd, if you do xx per day for the next 2 weeks, fine, no maths catch up. If we don't then you will miss computing and go to maths catch up. that way there are clear parameters for all. (I would let school know that is what you are doing too)

Thank you so much, it is so useful to hear from a teacher. I worry I am bothering her teacher! But tbf, that is my issue not that she has done anything to suggest that. My DD's teacher is excellent and has been so supportive.

That sounds like a really good plan for Maths if it is suitable to do at home, thank you.

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bridgetreilly · 18/06/2022 17:37

I definitely don’t think catch up maths is the kind of thing a child should be allowed to stop. She doesn’t have to enjoy it, but she does have to do it. The harder she works at it, maybe the sooner she can stop. Normally I would say much the same about the swimming, tbh. Life is a lot about showing up to do the things you don’t want to. But if you really think the medical issues are serious enough, then maybe this time it’s okay.

balalake · 18/06/2022 17:39

Assuming that your DD can swim enough in case of something such as falling in a river, then Maths should come first.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 18/06/2022 18:25

Basilbrushgotfat · 18/06/2022 17:20

@Discovereads I couldn't agree more. I've suffered with several conditions of which fatigue is a main symptom. It's very, very different from feeling exhausted or wiped out from exhaustion from working too much, burning the candle and both ends, long days, sleepless nights etc. But if you have never experienced it, I think its impossible to imagine.

As I had Long Covid myself, it has helped me understand what my DD is going through and it is awful.

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steppemum · 18/06/2022 18:27

I would check with school though, if maths catch up is all being done through this computer programme that's great, but it may be that there is a mixed plan, some lessons, some computer catch up. If that is the case, then she does need to go to the catch up sessions.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 18/06/2022 18:29

Discovereads · 18/06/2022 17:22

@UndertheCedartree
I'm sorry to hear your DC has CFS. Must be tough.

Yes it has been. She has had it for 6yrs now since she was 12. She had to take a full year off school because she became bed bound and was very poorly. But she’s turned a corner and it is gradually loosening it’s hold on her. Don’t feel bad about doing the arrangements with the school yourself. Long covid is a type of CFS and so you’re going through similar which a younger DC than mine. It’s better imho to have meetings with the SENCO at the school regularly to hash out their school schedule, accommodations, and so on all at once than have the DC ask random questions of individual teachers.

Don’t be shy about meeting with the school for your DC. They started accommodating when we too were on the wait list for the paediatric CFS consultant doctor and occupational therapist. At my DCs current school the SENCO lead has CFS and she was full of great ideas and support for my DC- so you don’t have to think of everything yourself. Things like a lift key so she wouldn’t have to take the stairs. A quiet room to go to with a pass card to show to teachers if the classroom gets too much. Setting up remote learning so if she’s too tired to go to school she can at least do a few hours work from home.

Amazing to hear your DD has turned a corner. Luckily, I had some good advice early on from MN advising me to speak to the SENCO. Can I ask if your DD has had anxiety and depression and if so what helped?

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Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 18/06/2022 18:32

bridgetreilly · 18/06/2022 17:37

I definitely don’t think catch up maths is the kind of thing a child should be allowed to stop. She doesn’t have to enjoy it, but she does have to do it. The harder she works at it, maybe the sooner she can stop. Normally I would say much the same about the swimming, tbh. Life is a lot about showing up to do the things you don’t want to. But if you really think the medical issues are serious enough, then maybe this time it’s okay.

It's not really fair to put expectations of working hard on her at the moment while she is suffering with Long Covid. I take your point but just getting through the day is hard enough for her at the moment.

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Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 18/06/2022 18:33

steppemum · 18/06/2022 18:27

I would check with school though, if maths catch up is all being done through this computer programme that's great, but it may be that there is a mixed plan, some lessons, some computer catch up. If that is the case, then she does need to go to the catch up sessions.

Yes, I will check.

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MargaretThursday · 18/06/2022 18:38

Ds had post-viral fatigue at a similar age, and reacted similarly. He gave up everything outside school and didn't want to do anything. He struggled with any change and got anxious over it, which meant he often then vomited-which was then another 48 hours off school. He lost confidence in doing anything and didn't want to leave the house for any reason.

I'd probably in your case pull her out of the swimming gala, citing not good for her to be sitting around cold (things like that seemed to exhaust ds more than usual) and have a discussion with the teacher over the maths. Perhaps if she is just missing the target they could give you the sheets to go over with her at the weekend instead?

With ds I ended up telling him that he had to choose one afterschool activity. He chose drama, on the basis it was only an hour, and closer than the others so it was the least amount of time. He moaned about it for a term and a half, but wouldn't choose an alternative (which was my condition for giving up). Then out of the blue he asked if he could do another hour... and 7 years later he does 3 evenings a week and most of Saturday by choice.

riesenrad · 18/06/2022 18:51

Her dislikes are that she has to stand about and gets cold and doesn’t like having to get dressed quickly. Then all she needs to do is ask to wear a robe and to have 5 extra minutes to get changed. It’s not difficult

There are probably rules about no dry robes as they are expensive and could get lost, and they probably have limited changing time so that they can get back for the next lesson.

And the OP's DD is 10, not 15.

I'd let her miss the gala and talk to the school about not wanting her to miss computing.

riesenrad · 18/06/2022 18:53

Life is a lot about showing up to do the things you don’t want to

Not when you are ill or have been ill and are still in the recovery phase.

So many unhelpful responses on this thread.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 18/06/2022 19:26

MargaretThursday · 18/06/2022 18:38

Ds had post-viral fatigue at a similar age, and reacted similarly. He gave up everything outside school and didn't want to do anything. He struggled with any change and got anxious over it, which meant he often then vomited-which was then another 48 hours off school. He lost confidence in doing anything and didn't want to leave the house for any reason.

I'd probably in your case pull her out of the swimming gala, citing not good for her to be sitting around cold (things like that seemed to exhaust ds more than usual) and have a discussion with the teacher over the maths. Perhaps if she is just missing the target they could give you the sheets to go over with her at the weekend instead?

With ds I ended up telling him that he had to choose one afterschool activity. He chose drama, on the basis it was only an hour, and closer than the others so it was the least amount of time. He moaned about it for a term and a half, but wouldn't choose an alternative (which was my condition for giving up). Then out of the blue he asked if he could do another hour... and 7 years later he does 3 evenings a week and most of Saturday by choice.

Aww, that's good. Yes, it has such a knock on effect on everything. DD hasn't been able to do much after school either. She went to gymnastics last weekend for the first time since Covid but then that was it for the weekend. She didn't go this weekend as wanted to do a sleepover, so couldn't manage anything else.

I might see if DD can sit in the 'audience' to cheer her classmates on at the Gala.

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Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 18/06/2022 19:31

riesenrad · 18/06/2022 18:51

Her dislikes are that she has to stand about and gets cold and doesn’t like having to get dressed quickly. Then all she needs to do is ask to wear a robe and to have 5 extra minutes to get changed. It’s not difficult

There are probably rules about no dry robes as they are expensive and could get lost, and they probably have limited changing time so that they can get back for the next lesson.

And the OP's DD is 10, not 15.

I'd let her miss the gala and talk to the school about not wanting her to miss computing.

First, I'm pandering to her, but then school is expected to change the rules around swimming for her! Sometimes feels like some posters are on a different planet!

Thanks for the advice.

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alexdgr8 · 18/06/2022 22:48

i agree with the consensus on here, esp Steppemum and Discovereads.
and i am the old bat who often complains about babyfication of children.
totally irrelevant in this case.
and i know whereof i speak.
disagree completely with Dahlly approach.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 19/06/2022 00:06

alexdgr8 · 18/06/2022 22:48

i agree with the consensus on here, esp Steppemum and Discovereads.
and i am the old bat who often complains about babyfication of children.
totally irrelevant in this case.
and i know whereof i speak.
disagree completely with Dahlly approach.

Thank you, that's helpful.

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dontyouwishyourgirlfriendwas · 19/06/2022 03:22

I personally wouldn’t make her do either. She’s only in Year 5 and she’s had a difficult time. The swimming gala is completely unnecessary and it could worsen her physical health. And really the school should be able to help her catch up with maths during the current allotted maths sessions. It’s hardly as if she’s doing her GCSEs! It seems ridiculous to take her out of a lesson she enjoys (not to mention the fact it’s computing which in itself is an important subject).

She doesn’t need a specific computer programme in order to improve her maths. If you think it’s necessary she can do a few extra maths questions at home if she’s up to it. No point in making her hate maths by forcing her to do it when other children don’t have to.

madasawethen · 19/06/2022 05:48

Yeah skip the swimming for now.

Keep the computer class and hire a math tutor a few times a week.

Does she like Khan Academy? It's pretty fun.