To feel hurt by this

[Lottiesmum2]

So DH Has asked me to go our for dinner next week, we have 2 children 4 and 2. He said that I need to ask my mum and dad to have them as they usually do, I said can we not ask your parents as they never see them, his reply was that he doesn’t like asking as he knows she doesn’t really want to do it 😢. I don’t expect anything from anybody really but I don’t think it is fair to constantly ask my parents.

I know my children are my responsibility and anybody else that wants to be part of their life is a bonus. That doesn’t stop me wondering and questioning other peoples actions (I am not hurting anybody by thinking it)

You are hurting yourself.

If your MIL doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to.

If your PIL want to, let them. If they don’t, find someone else or a babysitter.

I am not saying that she has too!

To

WOndering about others people's actions and motives is a pointless task and could potentially cause your DH pain.

You are never going to understand - so stop picking at this scab and ask your parents

The thing that bothers me about that is that it then prevents you from seeing your own father, who by the sound of it does help out at a practical level.

She's a 'glory' mother - wants the praise and adulation but nothing that resembles working for it. Are you expected to turn up for every Christmas/birthday/Easter/Mothers' Day too?

Please let go of any resentment towards DH. It's been tough for him. But make sure that his parents don't always get the glory while yours do all the work.

You know the answer! If his grandparents pretty much brought him up there's obviously a reason right there!
My in laws never ever had our kids and that's just the way it was.

Well I wouldn’t want anybody who ‘doesn’t really want to do it’ looking after my kids so just don’t go out au guess.

This.

Also you have no idea what was going on in their life when your DH was small. Maybe he doesn't either if he was too young to understand.

Perhaps they both worked and it made more practical sense for him to stay with his Gran. Or their could have been other issues / difficulties / pressures in their life at that time that meant it was better for your DH to be with his Gran. Not your business and too late to be raking that up now.

The thing that bothers me about that is that it then prevents you from seeing your own father, who by the sound of it does help out at a practical level.

How does a meal for a couple of hours stop her seeing her own father?

If she didn't want to go, she could say no.

I'd just ask your parents, it's not like you are asking them often.

If his don't want to do it, they don't - save it for emergencies.

Because he knows his parents aren’t worth asking. They’re either useless, not interested, or not safe to leave children with.

They didn’t raise their own son, and left it to a grandparent. Surely that tells you all you need to know? If you don’t want to ask your parents, pay for a babysitter or don’t go out

I wouldn't bother going. Life is to short to be around unpleasant people that you don't get paid to tolerate

Oh yes, Mother’s Day, her birthday etc we have to be there, same for DIL. She finds the time for cosmetic surgery, to put tan on nightly, it’s a shame, my kids will repay the favour when they are old I suppose.

I really don’t want to go but will it cause problems? Honestly nobody has any clue how I feel.

This sounds very similar to previous posts … husband raised by his grandmother, his DM in his life more as an adult, you see them about once a week, she posts on fb about how much she loves her son and grandkids but you don’t think that’s possible as she didn’t raise son and she won’t babysit your kids?

Your parents have babysat before had seen happy to do so. If you won’t want to ask them next time hire a sitter that’s really all there is to it. Your MIL doesn’t have to babysit just because your mum does, it doesn’t work like that.

Can I put this very simply OP, if he wants to take you out to dinner then he arranges the childcare element.

I feel for you though, mine is a similar situation but my parents live 3hrs away and absolutely would if asked. They'd just take kids for whole weekend. Likewise they take them for 2 or more days in half terms and a week in the summer. Because they want to spend time getting to know their grandchildren.

Why though? Obviously if your dh was brought up but his nan then his mother wasn't that bothered about looking after her kids, let alone her grand kids and your dh knows what to expect from her.

When I was first pregnant with dd1, mil said she didn’t do babysitting! She did for SIL kids but told me before they’d even arrived. Just as well really because I preferred my mam.