If you have a child with SEN/anxiety/mental health problems how do you keep yourself positive

[frazzledmonster]

Just that really. How do you keep yourself positive, how do you keep fighting and pushing for your child? I'm having a low day and it all just feels so relentless and hard work sometimes. So much effort (referrals, waiting lists, meetings with teachers etc) so little gain. Particularly when I compare to those with NT, happy, healthy children including my younger DC. It feels like we are fighting a battle that we have already lost sometimes, even more so when my child's challenges often make them angry and lash out at us.

This is just letting off steam really - I know my DC has less challenges than many, and others have other difficulties (financial, health etc). But practical and emotional tips would be gratefully received.

Just knowing that everything I do for my now adult son goes a long way towards making the chances of him having a good day real.

I’m ND and have 3 ND kids. I love my kids as they are and don’t feel sad, I get annoyed when people give them crap about their adhd but that doesnt happen much now. As an ND adult, please don’t compare your kids to NTs - a happy ND life often looks different to a happy NT life, we aren’t the same at all

It's absolutely shit at times. Sorry obviously that's no help to you.

It's really hard. I have to bite my lip when a professional tells me it's important to look after myself too.

@SparkyBlue yes it really is shit sometimes😭. Maybe that just needs to be acknowledged sometimes before you can pick yourself up and start a new day a bit more positively.

With great difficulty ! Everyday is a struggle and I wish with all my heart things were different but this is our life and I have to get on with it. It's her birthday this weekend and she is stressing over everything. I miss my carefree little girl.

It took me reaching rock bottom to realise I can’t do it all. That in order to be able to be what Ds needs me to be I have to look after me, I sometimes forget that but I know it.

it’s the airplane oxygen mask analogy. You can’t save others if you don’t save yourself first

I have no idea. Im utterly, utterly exhausted with it all.

I try and remember that every day has highs and lows so try not to let my lows taint the highs. If the morning is awful, perhaps there will be a lovely full moon later.

@frazzledmonster it's hard. What I've found lately that is helping me is acknowledging that it's hard and that I'm stressed and not trying to pretend that I've got things under control.

At the moment I am compartmentalising. DD12 hasn't been to school for weeks. Her mental health is declining and she won't engage with anyone. I'm in a bit of a bubble to get through to the summer holidays which start in 2 weeks as that will give us all a much needed break from going through the motions knowing full well she isn't going to school. I'm drained if it all and have made time for me (I am very fortunate to have DH) and actively trying to do things that give me a bit of an escape.

@AntlerRose That is a really helpful way to see it. It is too easy to write off a whole day as awful when actually there has been some fun/joyful bits. They get lost amongst everything else sometimes.

I don't know, OP. It has defeated me.

I'm trying a fifth different anti-depressant.

It's exhausting.

Not going to help here but it's shit, I'm burnt out and just not sure how much I can deal with. Like you endless chasing of appointments, referrals, professionals and I work full time. I've also got other crap going on outside of SEN too. You are not alone!

We have two kids with different issues. One has FASD and anxiety. Found out today that the other has ASD and ADHD in addition to dyspraxia.. it's so tough to keep fighting for them, but we just do. We have to.

We are very lucky to have good schools etc and they are both lovely kids. Seeing them happy makes me happy

Thanks for the replies and solidarity - though sad to see others (and their DC) are struggling. There are a few other parents who have children with really very severe SEN at the school gate who seem to be so accepting and together with it all compared to me. ( I know you never know what's really going on for them). I suppose I am good at putting on a front with people I don't know well.

Counselling for me.
Just doing the essentials.
Swimming helps me, I'm now trying to go weekly, would like it to be twice weekly really.
Noticing the small wins.

I'm very lucky to have a group of friends that are also special needs parents, we have a group chat thing, which really helps when I'm at my lowest.

I've also been relying a lot (possibly too much) on 4 friends.

I pretend a lot, I drink a lot and I try not to obsess about the things I cannot change.

I struggled at first but I soon realised my son is awesome and the problems are with society not my son. My advise would be take each day one at a time and try not to focus on the past or the future. Things are rarely that bad in the present and if they are it doesn't last. I did have some CBT and did a mindfulness course which really helped

Very honest ,and you sound like my kind of person!
The truth is we all try and cope in our own way

I don't get upset by the fact that my son (5) is autistic very often, but when I do. I let myself have a good old cryfest then brush myself off because me being a blubbering mess all the time won't get us very far. I celebrate every milestone he hits. His recent one was ditching pull ups forever. he day and night trained in a week. I try not to compare him to his NT peers. "Comparison is the thief of joy"

I am also friendly with other mums of SN's kids and we support each other.

Getting to 16 and out of the school battles is good. Hang out in Facebook groups (encouraging ones). Celebrate the small wins. Like wow he had a banana/left the house/said thank you.

God. I don’t know. I wish I did

Sometimes I remember how happy my one used to be and now it’s all depression and horrible things.

m some days I just need a break or I need to sleep more than 3 hours ina. Row and more than 4 hours in a night. I want to be able to go do things without a 1000 text messages

i just want my little girl back