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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a complete Bitch?

33 replies

90may · 16/06/2022 20:32

So my MIL has bought tickets for 4 of us to go somewhere for DD’s birthday. I love days out etc and am really thankful but I don’t understand why they wouldn’t want to share that experience with her? Did it not enter their minds? They are very absent grandparents so I don’t expect it but AIBU to think they should want to?

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 16/06/2022 20:34

There’s not really enough info to go off.
Would you rather they take DD alone or join in with everyone?
Is it possible they just don’t feel up to the activity and it’s too much for them?

Crunchymum · 16/06/2022 20:34

Who is the 4 of you?

Dizzywizz · 16/06/2022 20:34

i don’t get it - is your dd not included in the 4 that are going?

BaaCake · 16/06/2022 20:34

So when you say 4 of us you mean you, your partner DD and another of your kids?

BaaCake · 16/06/2022 20:35

And have you seen how much these things cost lately?!

Original poster
90may · 16/06/2022 20:36

Sorry yes so it will be me DH, DS and DD, I don’t expect anything from that so please don’t think that, I think I just want to understand why they wouldn’t want to share that experience with her?

OP posts:
Original poster
90may · 16/06/2022 20:37

I don’t mean for us to go too. I thought it would be nice for them to go with her instead as we are always put doing things. I am not saying I am not thankful, I just don’t understand why they don’t want to share any experiences at all with her, I suppose it could be they just aren’t up to it!

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 16/06/2022 20:38

I don’t understand what you’re saying. You don’t understand why WHO wouldn’t want to share that experience with her? Sorry if I’m missing something obvious!

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 16/06/2022 20:38

Do you invite them places? Maybe they think you prefer them on the sidelines...

Babana123 · 16/06/2022 20:40

Maybe they would love to spend time with her but they think you do not want them to.

BaaCake · 16/06/2022 20:40

You want your in laws to go instead of you?

Maybe they want to do a nice thing for your family. Don't you want to go?

BaaCake · 16/06/2022 20:41

Offer to buy them tickets to join you?

FOJN · 16/06/2022 20:43

Have you asked them? As in, " that's a lovely gift, thank you. Didn't you want to come"?

Maybe they don't want to participate, maybe they felt it would be presumptuous or you wouldn't allow it. If they didn't want to be involved you can't make them so I'd be grateful they've given you tickets for a nice family day out.

It looks like a communication issue. I think getting pissed off when you don't know why they've arranged things that way is unreasonable.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 16/06/2022 20:44

What are the tickets?

Meraas · 16/06/2022 20:44

I get it, OP.

Do they ever spend time with dc? Sounds like they are disengaged grandparents? Or do they think you might want to go as a family?

Did you ask them to come along too?

Gizlotsmum · 16/06/2022 20:45

Have you asked if they want to take her instead of you? Could one of you and they go with her?

UWhatNow · 16/06/2022 20:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lolliesareonme · 16/06/2022 20:46

I’d take it that they want to treat you all, and are not pushy.

declutteringmymind · 16/06/2022 20:47

There really isn't any winning with some people. Pick up the phone, and say would you like to join us, it would be weird without you.

pilates · 16/06/2022 20:48

Another one who thinks they can’t win.

Bunnycat101 · 16/06/2022 20:48

Yes you do sound unreasonable I’m afraid. Your in-laws have bought you a family day out which sounds a lovely gift.

5128gap · 16/06/2022 20:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

So much this.

Original poster
90may · 16/06/2022 20:49

I knew this would sound bad 😭 they never see her!

OP posts:
RoaryLion1 · 16/06/2022 20:58

90may · 16/06/2022 20:49

I knew this would sound bad 😭 they never see her!

What is the activity OP? If it’s something active and/or a whole day activity, maybe they think it’ll be too tiring or physically demanding? Or maybe they think you’d just enjoy it more as a family?

have you asked the grandparents to take DCs themselves - maybe try that and see what they say?

ladydimitrescu · 16/06/2022 21:00

I really don't see the issue

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