To think she does good deeds for the glory

[moita]

I realise I sound bitchy but a mum from my daughter's school seems like a glory hunter I feel. She is a SAHM (no shade, I am too) with a wealthy husband. She loves buying treats for the whole class and also makes sure to send a message around the mums 'buying sweets for them today- hope that's OK!'.

She's bought extravagant presents for the teacher and TAs (loudly talked about).

I think it's great for the kids but there's a few other mums who have done things for the school but done it very quietly and anonymously (only know as I have to go in a lot for my daughter and I've bumped into them kn the corridors etc)

I think I feel for the mums overlooked by use it's time rather than money they're giving.

So what if she does? The teachers end up with something nice and she goes to bed feeling good about herself.

I know a few people like this, cannot do a good deed without having to declare they've done it, post it on Fb etc. It's a shame.

Another who would not equate buying sweets, treats, or gifts in any way with "doing good deeds"
Just ignore.

Not really good deeds in my opinion just flaunting your wealth

she doesn't work so might have little purpose at moment and it makes her feel good.

My DD has a food allergy. I'd be livid if some random mum brought "treats" into school

then it's up to your daughter to refuse it and being ''livid'' over this shows you might need anger mgmt

She does sound annoying. Another one here who would be (secretly) very dismayed at my child being given sweets but would probably say thank you through gritted teeth. We don't have them at home, I have a sucrose intolerance and it may be hereditary.
As a PP suggested, she might be lacking purpose in her life. Perhaps you could direct her onto other charitable causes which would be more welcoming of her lavish spending?

The school should be dealing with this I think. In our school, sweets are only allowed to be brought in on a child's birthday. It's not a requirement at all, but this limits each parent to sending in sweets once a year. They have to be mini Haribo's - a specific type. This is to protect against allergies. Keeps the glory hunters under control too!

A mum in my daughter's primary school used to do this - brought cans of Coke for all the 10year old kids in her daughter's class on Sports Day. Got a talking to from the principal after that - my daughter not in class with hers, but she was absolutely not allowed Coke at that age, as was the case with lots of kids in class.

It was all for show - I knew her a bit through mutual friends and she wanted the kids to think she was the coolest mum, so she brought Coke rather than say fruit shoots or 7 up.

Sadly rubbed off on her daughter who is as fake as her mum.

Does Coke not have the same sugar level as 7-Up?

Perhaps her daughter has learned to be as fun and generous as her mum 🤷🏻‍♀️

Coke isn’t the right choice for that situation (neither is 7-Up) but it was a nice thing to do and you sound needlessly mean.

Presents for the teachers and TAs - no problem.

Sweets for the class - I'd be really annoyed, I don't want DS having random sweets all the time. If it became a regular thing I'd ask her politely not to do it.

@Testina Probably the caffeine - it's fine as an occasional treat in my opinion, but some parents aren't happy for their DC to have caffeine at all until older.

I'd not be pleased with full-sugar Coca-Cola tbh, or 7-UP for that matter.

Just pity her that she feels she needs validation in this way.

Most people only do good deeds to feel good about themselves, regardless of how public they want to make it IMO 🤷🏼‍♀️ Just let her crack on unless you have an actual concern. There’s far worse ways to be spending her time

Oh Lord. Well I'm going to be the patronising secondary school Mum who has seen it/done it.

OP: Ignore the silly woman, she's making a fool of herself and the teachers (I'm a teacher) won't be impressed by her trying to ingratiate herself with them - even if they do like the presents. Not sure why you needed to mention she is a SAHM - completely irrelevant.

The mums on here who are so upset about their children getting the odd pack of sweets. Get a grip. A packet of haribo a couple of times a term won't harm them and when they are teens, forget any control you have over their diet. Years ago, we had a parent write to the school complaining about their child being given sweets each time another child had a birthday and how awful it was because she didn't want her child having sugar. She was ridiculed for it (I know, teachers shouldn't do that etc etc) and I think the HT sent an extremely polite response along the lines of the school supporting healthy eating but these are a birthday treat and better to tell your child she can't eat them, rather than deprive the whole class because of your dietary preferences.

The poster whose child has allergies, it is entirely on you to make sure that your child knows not to eat anything they are given until they have checked with you it is ok. It's not on other people to live their lives based around your child's allergies. The sooner you realise that, the less livid you will be. Trust me, school is going to be a loooooong slog if that's the sort of thing which makes you livid.

And breathe.

There's often a parent like this, or a volunteer in some other area. Pity is a sensible response.

A know a mum from school like this.

She photographed bags of food, clothes toiletries etc to give to people during lockdown.

Photographed food she had donated to the food bank.

Filmed her husband helping an elderly man across the road.

Definitely nice things to do with her time and money.

I've known her 8 years and wonder if she really wanted to help or whether she though it would look good on Facebook?

Yes, there's a mum like that at my dc's school. She offered to take all the kids in the class to an activity centre at the end of school year. Luckily, all the parents declined and bought their own tickets. They didn't want to owe a favour to someone whose child is a horrendous bully. The woman was trying to bribe the parents of the victims of her bullying child. 🤔

You OK hon?

Well, things change. When I was at primary school teachers still manhandled children (where I grew up).

I work in a secondary school and while parents do have a lot less control, there is still a healthy food policy and we don't sell for example cans of coke or bags of haribo in the canteen.

Sweets from random woman AND every birthday soon adds up to frequent bags of sweets. While occasional treats are fine and I'm not especially strict about that. But having an extra few treats from school friends means we can share fewer treats as a family. I hope that explains a little and helps you calm down pet.

I think once you start to do this then it negates the intention of the charitable act. You're not doing it to help someone in need, you're doing it to help yourself so it's no longer a charitable act.

In the Islamic faith, there's a great emphasis on discreet charitable giving. The religious saying that the left hand shouldn't know what the right hand is giving is very apt.

I wouldn't worry about it, this is a part of her story, not yours, if you see what i mean? What other people do, how they live is about them.

I think maybe i want coat. What i mean is, so what if she does do it for the glory, we don't know this for a fact, but she might, and if she does, so what? What would you do with that information?

RitaSkeetersdictaphone

Oh Lord. Well I'm going to be the patronising secondary school Mum who has seen it/done it.

Then I'm the patronising mother whose children have grown up and have turned out okay.
This sort of thing didn't happen when my DDs were at school, they got a quick rendition of "Happy Birthday" and a cheer and that was it.
I'm really surprised that nowadays, when I see information about allergies and intolerances far more than when my girls were at school, that people are allowed to send sweets into the school randomly for the children.
Mine were allowed sweets and chocolate but I preferred it to be at times of my choosing so I knew what they were having, not when some other mother wanted to be kind/show off/whatever.

when they are teens, forget any control you have over their diet

Of course. That's why it's sensible to educate them in good eating habits when they're younger. They may or may not stick to them, but at least you'll have tried. Or should one just think "I'll have no control later, so I might as well not bother now"?

As it turned out, my daughters mainly stuck to good habits and enjoy their food without any issues.

See, this sort of thing annoys me too op. But doesnt seem to for others.

For me, the bigger question of this thread is why this sort of things does not annoy others.
I struggle to understand.

I know a couple of people like this and I am aware they are both in some form of therapy and counselling. Perhaps it is something they do to cheer them up?

I would think she's annoying but I would also think
a) she has nothing else going on in her life and it gives her a bit of purpose
b) my kids would love it so all good with me