Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shall I push my daughter to keep up her dancing?

57 replies

Greenginghamdress · 16/06/2022 15:10

Hi all.

Hoping for quick advice as the class is tonight! My daughter has attended dancing for just over a year. She's made friends and seems to enjoy it.
Her interest has been tailing off the last few weeks though and today she has told me she doesn't want to go anymore. Apparently she doesn't like the teacher and it's too strict? It doesn't seem to be.

I have noticed that she doesnt seem to have a natural skill for it and the other week she poured juice on the floor just before the class started (the teacher was not happy and I told her off off this at home).

I'm wondering what to do as have made friends there myself with other mums. I don't want to be pushy and force her but this is her only hobby. It is however, very expensive and they have a show coming up in autumn which will be lots of rehersals and extra coat for costumes etc. She is 4.5 so pretty little.

Aibu?
YABU- tell her she has to go
YANBU- accept and don't send her

Thank you!

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 16/06/2022 15:21

A hobby is supposed to be fun.

Is she having fun?

No.

Then what's the point of it for her?

Small children generally get bored after a while.

I wouldn't force a hobby on a child. There's enough stuff they have to do, they should have some things they are in control of and can end if they want to.

My youngest went through so many instruments! He'd learn to play then get fed up and want to try a different one. Fair enough. It was for his benefit not mine.

Although I did have to say "fair enough" through gritted teeth when my elder son decided he no longer wanted guitar lessons the week after we finally bought him his own guitar instead of him using the loaner. 🤬

Scautish · 16/06/2022 15:23

I was forced to do something like this as a child and hated it. Please don’t make her do it. Hobbies are great but only if they are enjoyable for the child. The fact you have made friends with the other mums is completely irrelevant - if they are real friends you daughter leaving the club will not impact your friendship with them.

LongBlobson · 16/06/2022 15:24

My rule is if we've signed up and paid for a number of sessions then they have to attend those, but apart from that can stop if they want.

4.5 is so little, there will be plenty of other things for her to try and enjoy, and lots of time for her to do more dancing if she wants to.

CaramelJones · 16/06/2022 15:26

Let her give it up. She isn't enjoying it so she isn't going to gain anything from it.

Dancing can become very intense at a young age. If she isn't enjoying it now, she's unlikely to love it any more when the pressure and demands increase.

ChicCroissant · 16/06/2022 15:27

Don't make her go just because you are friends with some of the parents there - you can meet them outside dance if you want to.

Anothernamechangeplease · 16/06/2022 15:29

Activities like this should be done for the pure joy of doing them. If she isn't feeling it, let her quit.

My dd has been dancing for nearly 15 years. She has never even once said that she didn't feel in the mood, because she absolutely bloody loves it.

Let your dd find something that makes her heart sing... whatever that might be!Smile

Skinnermarink · 16/06/2022 15:29

I think a good rule to have is to finish off the term/what has been paid for and then they can stop.

But she’s 4 and a half, too little yet to grasp the concept that you commit to what you signed up for. If she’s really not enjoying it at her age she’s probably just going to get bored and as a result disruptive. I’d wait until she was about 6 before trying any classes/clubs again tbh.

TeenPlusCat · 16/06/2022 15:30

Make her go today, in case it is worry about being told off again about the juice.

Then I used to do as above, finish through on any sessions already paid for, but that is only fair if you check with them each half term or whatever before paying.

BringOnSummerHolidays · 16/06/2022 15:31

I wouldn't force her. If she's a bit older, I'll ask her to stick with it until you use up all your paid sessions (should be mid July anyway). But she's only 4 years old, and I don't think they have the concept of commitment yet.

merryhouse · 16/06/2022 15:32

At 4, 5, 6, even 7 she doesn't need a hobby.

Just make sure she's doing some movement in her playing, and getting to do things she enjoys.

user1487194234 · 16/06/2022 15:33

Would definitely not push her on this

Tiani4 · 16/06/2022 15:37

Yes definitely don't force her to keep dancing if she doesn't want to!

But like others I'd ask her to finish the term if it is paid for and I'd also check this wasn't just a fleeting reaction to being told off the other day

Sit and chat about what she wants to do, help her understand that she won't see those friends each week again but that she can stop if she isn't enjoying it. & say "Let's find a hobby you do enjoy DD"

There'll be a hobby she will enjoy and want to keep up.She's tried dancing and this isn't it, you and she will find that hobby soon enough!

Also it's ok to do a hobby or many hobbies for a few years whilst you enjoy it and then to stop when it's no longer fun, without committing to a lifelong dedication to that hobby!!

Sixlittlenightmares · 16/06/2022 15:42

Is she in school? She's probably absolutely knackered after a long day at school and then getting dragged out to dance class in the evenings.

Maybe move to a class in the day on a weekend and see how she feels about it then?

jamimmi · 16/06/2022 15:43

I have a dancing DD aged 15 . When she was 5 she wanted to stop because the teacher was scary ( some can be a bit overzealous for little ones) we moved schools. She has never not wanted to.go since. Maybe think about another school if you want her to dance AND she enjoys it.

Turnthatoff · 16/06/2022 15:46

I’d try and encourage her for a bit longer. Obviously you can’t make her, but if she’ll continue with a bit of encouragement, she might change her mind. If not, no harm.

LIZS · 16/06/2022 15:46

What sort of dance is it? Maybe other styles are less disciplined and more creative. Is she at school yet?

Alb0 · 16/06/2022 15:49

She's only 4, she's just a baby. Far too young for a 'hobby', the only reason babies that young do dancing is because their mothers have them do it. She shouldn't be doing it at that age, as it's far too young and of course a 4 year old is going to spill juice! It's normal! They don't have muscle control, why are you or her teacher attacking her for being a normal baby? Just leave her alone she is far too young for 'hobbies' and if you can't make friends while using your baby as a prop then that's your fault.

Alb0 · 16/06/2022 15:50

*if you can't make friends without

Anothernamechangeplease · 16/06/2022 15:55

Alb0 · 16/06/2022 15:49

She's only 4, she's just a baby. Far too young for a 'hobby', the only reason babies that young do dancing is because their mothers have them do it. She shouldn't be doing it at that age, as it's far too young and of course a 4 year old is going to spill juice! It's normal! They don't have muscle control, why are you or her teacher attacking her for being a normal baby? Just leave her alone she is far too young for 'hobbies' and if you can't make friends while using your baby as a prop then that's your fault.

Not true, actually.

Our lovely nanny asked if we would consider sending 2yo dd to dance lessons because she had noticed how much dd loved dancing and felt that she had real talent. It had never occurred to me previously but I was willing to give it a go and dd absolutely loved it from the first lesson.

I do agree that children shouldn't be pushed into "hobbies" that they don't want to do though. Also agree that it might be worth trying a different dance school. Some of them are ridiculously strict towards very young children and my own dd's dance school has received dozens of "refugees" over the years - kids who would have quit if they hadn't found a more enjoyable environment to dance in!

GreatCrash · 16/06/2022 15:58

If it's the first time she's said she doesn't want to go, I'd go today. Small children do sometimes say that without really meaning it. But if she carries on saying it every week then I'd stop and try a different class.

Alb0 · 16/06/2022 16:02

Anothernamechangeplease · 16/06/2022 15:55

Not true, actually.

Our lovely nanny asked if we would consider sending 2yo dd to dance lessons because she had noticed how much dd loved dancing and felt that she had real talent. It had never occurred to me previously but I was willing to give it a go and dd absolutely loved it from the first lesson.

I do agree that children shouldn't be pushed into "hobbies" that they don't want to do though. Also agree that it might be worth trying a different dance school. Some of them are ridiculously strict towards very young children and my own dd's dance school has received dozens of "refugees" over the years - kids who would have quit if they hadn't found a more enjoyable environment to dance in!

Show quote history

I can't imagine your nanny meant send her to dance lessons straight away, at two years old! She would have meant in the future.

Alb0 · 16/06/2022 16:02

GreatCrash · 16/06/2022 15:58

If it's the first time she's said she doesn't want to go, I'd go today. Small children do sometimes say that without really meaning it. But if she carries on saying it every week then I'd stop and try a different class.

Why 'try a different class'? She's 4! Leave her be.

Hillarious · 16/06/2022 16:02

If she doesn't like it, don't force her. Contrary to what one pp claims above, she's not a "baby", and a dance class pitched at 4 year olds should be doable and enjoyable. My DD did ballet from the age of 4 and continued until she was 18. Also, she shouldn't be drinking juice on or near the dance floor.

SheWoreYellow · 16/06/2022 16:06

It depends if she’s saying this after the class or before. If it’s after the class then I’d listen. If she’s genuinely not enjoying it then please stop.
But if she’s just whinging about the idea of going and enjoying it once she’s there then that’s different.

Laiste · 16/06/2022 16:07

Four and a half? She doesn't need a hobby!

God no don't force her.

Apart from anything else it'll put her off for life.